Friends,
So, we went mattress shopping over the weekend and wound up at a place in a strip mall because the sale signs drew us there and were greeted by Ray. He was a little dumpling-shaped and looked a little tired, but was very enthusiastic about mattresses and their construction. So much so, that even after we suggested our very low-ball budget, he continued with a pitch as energetic as a mop salesman at a county fair.
He discussed foam densities, how memory foam was “developed by NASA” so it couldn’t be very good on Earth—nudge-nudge, and how we could take the mattress back within a five year window if it didn’t feel right for free adjustments. Then he discussed covers…
“All of the mattresses we make are covered in cotton fabric or silk.” Well, okay. He went on, “What are you wearing right now?” pointing to our jeans and t-shirts, “it’s cotton. That’s what’s good for humans. Humans can’t be comfortable on synthetic fabrics. What’s good for humans is cotton.”
My first thought was that there was a language problem. Maybe Ray isn’t from around here. Then he pulled out the fabric samples.
“You put your hand on this. It looks like cotton, but it’s not. It’s man-made. Can you feel the heat? I can. I’m very sensitive, very sensitive to it. You can feel the heat,” and he briefly waved his hand over the swatch, then pulled it away quickly to make the point.
Pleasantries and prices were exchanged, and after an uncomfortably long period of time in Ray’s store, we finally made it out the door.
“Did you notice that Ray referred to humans in the second person?” I asked as we got in the car. “Yeah, why?” “I think Ray is a space alien marooned here, just trying to make a living. What do humans do most of the day? Sleep. He and his shipmates did some market research and decided on mattresses.”
“He did kind of remind me of that guy in Men In Black,” she said.
– bob