Author: bob

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Genius! – What’s For Lunch? Edition

Diners,

I was downstairs at The Charity (much better. the name is short and sweet. just don’t forget the right tags. – ed Alright! Cripes.) working on a machine around noon yesterday when the thought of lunch occurred to us. One of the “perks” of the job is free lunch. We can eat in the commissary the same fare that the downtrodden line up for every day. Of course, some fare is more popular than others so it’s wise to call first…

  • “Hi, is this the kitchen? What’s for lunch today?”
  • “Yeah, this is the kitchen, but we don’t know what’s for lunch today.”
  • “You’re right there, aren’t you? Can you take a look?”
  • “We’ve seen it, we just don’t know what it is.”

And the guy on the phone was actually involved in lunch preparation and STILL didn’t know. Just wow.

Buon appetito!

– bob

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bobtherieau.com Is Down UP! – or – Gimme An F!

editor’s note: look kid, the site was down for two freakin’ hours. christ, you get that shook up over a little website, i ain’t even gonna tell you what’s in the water you’re drinking. oh yeah, obama snorted cocaine too. what’re you gonna do? cry? – ed

Friends,

Just a brief little love note to the intertubes: Where oh where has my website gone? Into the ether? Perhaps. One could ping the site and receive a response not unlike the fluttering heartbeat of a baby bird that has struck your living room window so hard that the sound was mistaken for gunplay. You could ping the site, but that seems to be all. No pretty pictures. No idea how much Russian spam I have waiting to be deleted. No robot sounds.

Maybe this is the day the interwebs died.

– bob

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In Town Update

Friends,

Heat is good. You’ll love it, I’m sure. Before I left my Secret Alpine Laboratory for the weekend, I bought a fine rolling radiator with a neat feature. It has—and I’m not kidding—an “antifreeze function.” You set the switch and it maintains a constant 42 degrees. It did its job. The house, once I returned yesterday, was forty two freakin’ degrees. Good lord.

Hours and hours later, I managed to actually warm the house. Pesky frigid wood. The snow outside is melting and the snow inside was abated, but not too far off. Cripes.

Christmas shopping? Nearly done. There’s a cute girl who needs a little something…

Your pal,

bob

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Out Of Town Update

Friends,

Just a little note to let you know that I’ll be in America’s Finest Pretty Good Adequate Will Do In A Pinch Doesn’t Stink Too Bad Barely Passable City this weekend. All Christmas shopping will occur during this blessed period we call Mallpanikohazeukah.

So dammit, be nice. We’re watching.

– bob

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Surf’s Up!

Friends,

If you’ve been missing out on the happy webcam feed (and what would be the reason for that, exactly?), you might’ve missed this:

A snowy picture
A pleasant dusting yesterday was supplemented by another foot last night. Let’s see what the meteorologists at The Town Crier have to say about this brutal winter storm…

Breaking News — Sun., Dec. 9, 8:45 p.m.

As of 8:46 a.m. chains or 4-wheel-drive vehicles with snow tires on all four wheels are required on Hwy 74 from Hemet to Palm Desert, and on Hwy 243 from Mountain Center to the northern boundary of the San Bernardino National Forest. Which means, basically, from Mountain Center, through Idyllwild and Pine Cove, to just above Banning to the north.

About a foot of new snow fell last night on top of the three inches that fell the night before. It is still snowing pretty hard and the wind is gusting. The storm system is moving from west to east, and is expected to start breaking up today, with scattered showers continuing into tonight. Highs are predicted in the 40s, with lows in the 20s.

Most roads are snowy, icy or wet. Drive with extreme caution and make sure you have chains with you.

More information will be posted here as conditions change.

Chains. Right. Wonder if there’s anything really pressing going on at the Festival Of Dirt tomorrow…

Your [frosty] pal,

– bob

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Genius! – Your Best Interest Edition

Friends,

This one has nothing to do with my workplace down in The Festival Of Dirt, but a bunch of stories that came out in the last week. Admit it. You hate the planet, don’t you? Of course you do. We all do and I can prove it. First, it’s those damned divorced people:

“…because divorced households have fewer people, they have more rooms per person and are using their living space less efficiently. This inefficiency may also lead to an increase in generating greenhouse gases, the study concludes.

They’re jerks, right? Those divorced people. Bah pooh!

But what about environmentalists? They’d be in favor of green energy projects, right? They couldn’t possibly be planet haters too…

The coalition, the Coastal Habitat Alliance, also sued over the wind project in state District Court in Travis County. That suit claims that the state’s Public Utility Commission illegally denied the alliance’s request to participate in permit hearings for the wind project’s transmission line.

Where can you turn then? The wise men inhabiting the cradle of Christianity must have an answer to fix this mess. What say you, oh soothsayers?

The founders of the Green Hanukkia campaign found that every candle that burns completely produces 15 grams of carbon dioxide. If an estimated one million Israeli households light for eight days, they said, it would do significant damage to the atmosphere.

“The campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won’t need another miracle,” said Liad Ortar, the campaign’s cofounder, who runs the Arkada environmental consulting firm and the Ynet Web site’s environmental forum. “Global warming is a milestone in human evolution that requires us to rethink how we live our lives, and one of the main paradigms of that is religion and how it fits into the current situation.”

Okay. No help there. Certainly the combined intelligence of no more august a body than the United Nations will provide relief for our imminent crisis. After all, we’re on the brink of disaster and must take every drastic step possible to stem the tide of carbon dioxide emissions. They’ll take the wisest course, surely, and show us the way towards a green future…

Never before have so many people converged to try to save the planet from global warming, with more than 10,000 jetting into this Indonesian resort island, from government ministers to Nobel laureates to drought-stricken farmers.

But critics say they are contributing to the very problem they aim to solve.

“Nobody denies this is an important event, but huge numbers of people are going, and their emissions are probably going to be greater than a small African country,” said Chris Goodall, author of the book “How to Live a Low-Carbon Life.”

Alright then. If they’re not taking this thing all that seriously…

Your pal,

bob

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Institute Of Fairly Reasonable Forward Movement

Friends,

Oh, how the professional journalist class complains about pesky bloggers. Always with the research and the agendas and the poor spelling. Here’s a guy who’s kind of a journalist who’s the latest to have gone cranky (thanks to deadspin.com):

“And when you look at the internet business, what’s dangerous about it is that people who are clearly unqualified get to disseminate their piece to the masses. I respect the journalism industry, and the fact of the matter is …someone with no training should not be allowed to have any kind of format whatsoever to disseminate to the masses to the level which they can. They are not trained. Not experts.

He’s got a point (after you enjoy the comments on that post), so by the power vested in me, I hereby introduce the International Institute Of Fairly Reasonable Forward Movement credential process for bloggers. For your substantial tuition fee, you’ll receive training in subjects such as; writing words, thinking about things, putting things on the interwebs, and making certain statements. Once you have attained those high and lofty goals, you’ll receive certified certification from the Important Board of Blogging Certification. Wince no more at ad hominem attacks by people who are actually getting paid for the kind of writing you do every day—for free!

You’re proud, you’re slightly unhinged, you’re down with the typey and the linkey. Get your certification today!

Your pal,

bob (Dean of Students)

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Genius! – The Lifecycle Of The Common Work Ticket

Friends,

This is a quick one, but remember that it drives those of us in the darker arts of gizmo fixertàge completely batcrap nuts. Take notes:

Wednesday, a week ago: Computer problem encountered by staff member. Too busy. Resolves to think about it tomorrow.
Thursday, last week: Staff member makes half-hearted attempt to troubleshoot and perhaps remedy problem. Attempt fails.
Friday: Staff member enlists coworker in department to help resolve problem. Two heads are better than one, certainly. New attempt fails. Successive attempts put off until Monday.
Monday: Oh yeah, did problem magically resolve over weekend? No. Think about telling manager—tomorrow.
Tuesday: Discuss problem with manager. Manager asks subordinate to submit trouble ticket. Ticket submitted at end of day.
Wednesday, this week: I receive the ticket first thing in the morning and start work on problem. Original staff member expresses anger that problem has been plaguing her department for an entire week and that I.T. response has been so slow. Problem resolved in less than thirty minutes from receipt of ticket.

This scenario has been stripped of specifics simply due to the fact that it has played itself out four times over the last two months. The details aren’t important but the dumb. Oh, the dumb. It burns.

Your pal,

bob

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Leftovers

Friends,

As a public service announcement, I’d like to make it abundantly clear that Tofurkey does not a sandwich make. And just to put an exclamation mark on the whole affair, eww. If you follow the link, you’ll see some recipes, but once again, eww. It was fine the first time last Saturday, during Thanksgiving: Part I. It was even okay reheated on Thursday for Thanksgiving: Part II. The leftover thing really isn’t happening with Tofurkey though.

If the Friday afternoon sandwich is the big thing I have to miss about eating critters, I think I can deal. Can I hear an amen?

– bob

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Toyota Avalonamino!

Oh dear,

Somebody’s grandpa is visiting the Coachella Valley this weekend from Washington state and grandpa’s always marched to the beat of a different drummer. Back in the 80s, grandpa found the Chevy El Camino to be nice and all, but he wanted something a little more luxurious. He drove a GMC Caballero. A midsize car, with a pickup bed! Smooth sailing plus utility!

Sadly, GM moved on and abandoned grandpa (maybe not. – ed) so he had to take pickupcar matters into his own hands. Behold, the Toyota Avalonamino XLS:

Avalonamino!
Sleek lines combined with a rock-solid (kinda. – ed) Japanese drivetrain and all the style and panache a man of grandpa’s station deserves. They’re all here!

The trouble with you Utes...
Grandpa gets style points, surely, for the tasteful Rhino Lining in the bed of his Avalon, as well as the flip-out tie down cleats. The running lights on the B-pillar add a certain flair, don’t you think?

Class and sophistication.
Frankly, I was hard-pressed to find a similarly tasteful ride in the Best Buy parking lot this afternoon. Certainly nothing that made me stop in my tracks like this masterpiece (or simply, “piece.” – ed). My hat’s off to you, Washington grandpa.

– bob

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Notes From Rural America

Friends,

Normally I would’ve asked for some help understanding this. I have to say though, that I get it now. It’s not too different from my own situation, actually. Here’s the deal…

My vivacious writing partner and her husband got the hell out of the bustle and nonsense of Southern California and moved to East Texas. Why? The “git while the gittin’s good” excuse was employed. Plummeting housing prices, new high density and low income housing projects in their quaint little park-like neighborhood, gas prices higher than elsewhere in the nation, and a lack of jobs for an independent electrical contractor sealed the deal. Time to go.

What recommended East Texas I don’t really know for sure. They scored a huge plot of land with a nice house for cheap. The neighbors sound friendly and there are other benefits…

Sid and Nancy!
When she told me that their new house came with cattle, I was dubious. They’re city kids. What would they know? What they know is that Texas gives them an agricultural exemption on their property taxes if they keep critters, so meet Sid and Nancy. They’re both cows, but apparently my naming suggestion had enough appeal to stick. Jah knows Sid was a likable enough fellow…


So, what, the cows are shooting up? No wonder folks in Middle America hate the blue states.

– bob

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Village Elders Focus On Walking, Doughnuts

Friends,

Sometimes we as average American citizens simply aren’t sure what the future holds. We’re nervous. Tentative. Naturally, we look to our leaders to provide guidance. To keep a steady hand on the rudder of the ship of state. It’s comforting to know that they have everything under control and can lead us with an unwavering vision towards a new tomorrow.

At 11 a.m. Wednesday, Nov. 14, a few Idyllwild people and representatives from the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department and the California Highway Patrol walked around town looking at areas in the Idyllwild retail district that needed designated crosswalks. Photo credit: Town Crier (warning: PDF link to entire front page of Wednesday’s Town Crier website)

I have seen the future, and it’s that way.

– bob

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YooHooToob! Passive-Aggressive Moment

While I was stumbling around for a certain suitably heinous music video that we should never speak of again, I tripped over this…

It’s a 1959 Volkswagen ad that essentially smacks about the head and shoulders all of the dead domestic manufacturers. They pursued perfection (or something relentless in that vein) while DeSoto, Nash, Packard (hello, larry), Studebaker and Hudson over-promised, under-delivered, then withered away. Nice grave dancing. Classy.

– bob