genius – A Jaunty Little Blog

May 14, 2024May 14, 2024

Dad’s Purse

Friends,

When we were kids, we used to call Dad’s work truck his purse. Mom’s purse was usually an enormous handbag with every conceivable item to address every conceivable contingency. Band-Aids, breath mints, toothpicks, tiny sewing kits, and safety pins were all there. Mom’s purse is much more modest these days, but Dad’s purse, long after he’d retired, contained everything you’d need to build a house. Once the pickup truck was retired, a subset of all of the tools made its way into his Jeep. Power tools yielded to a corded drill and an extension cord, but the utility was retained.

I have continued this tradition. The tools in my Jeep could help you find faulty circuits, drill holes, attach things to other things, and fix a lot of plumbing problems. It’s, essentially, my purse. Last weekend, I hitched a ride to the desert with my sister to see Mom for her birthday. The purse stayed here for the first time, which was really weird.

What if something breaks!

I guess we would’ve tried to figure it out. But nothing broke. If you listen to Mom’s concerns our childhood home is falling down, but it’s actually highly unusual that things break over there. She was fine. I was fine. We had a great time.

There’s a lesson to be learned here.

Your pal,

– bob

February 14, 2024March 13, 2024

A Small Confession

Friends,

I’m using the Olivetti Lettera 36, an electric typewriter from the past that feels like it was intended to predict the future, to write this thing. It’s Italian, but I don’t think that has anything to do with my current problem: How do you make an exclamation mark on this thing? I’ve figured out how to make an apostrophe by rolling up the platen half a line and type a comma. I’ve even figured out that the lowercase “L” is a good substitute for the number one. The problem with this typewriter, as with many others, is that there’s no one key. On this machine, that’s been taken up by the “Keyboard Release” key. I think this machine has a problem with keys jamming in the basket and you need a special key to unjam the jam that they clearly considered to be inevitable.

I can’t say that I blame them. I find that as I grow more comfortable I with the machine, I’m coming perilously close to jamming it myself. Or it’s full of gunk, or rust. Also, let’s be honest, this thing is fairly loud. I’m concerned that the obsolete plastic gears or elderly drive belts are going to give up in short order. We’ll see…

Your best pal,

– bob

UPDATE: I just had to use the Keyboard Release button. I’m not sure exactly what I did to jam the keys, but the Release key did the trick. Super weird. Also, I could still use some help making the exclamation mark.

ANOTHER UPDATE: It looks like there’s a simple solution. Lowercase L for the number one. That was easy. For the exclamation mark, shift+8 for an apostrophe, and continue holding down the shift key, then hit period to stack the characters without advancing the carriage. I must’ve slept through typing class on this one. Amazing! Or, you know, amazing!

AN ADDITIONAL OTHER UPDATE: This post is part of The Typewriter Project. A post nearly every day on a typewriter, then scanned and posted here.

a_small_confession.pdf

February 5, 2024

Crystalizing Block Theory

Friends,

I’ve been poking around lately, reading different theories of the nature of time and our place in various models. Everyone does in one way or another during their Birthday Holiday Season. I just chose the theoretical physics route because that just seems to make more sense (even when it starts making less sense? -ed Spoilers!).

I started thinking about how far away the nebulas and galaxies captured by the Hubble and James Webb space telescopes actually are. Considering the time it takes for those images to get from there to here, what we’re looking at must’ve happened eons ago. Naturally, you start wondering what’s happening in those places now. Do those things even exist anymore?

So one thing leads to another and it’s easy to start thinking about the definition of now, which starts getting into definitions of time. What I didn’t think I’d have to consider is exactly who gets to decide when or even what is now. What we perceive as now has already happened, because like the telescopes, there’s a lag between the sensory inputs and our receipt of them.

And by the way, there’s a lot of screwy speculation about whether we’re all simply living in a simulation. I think this is easily dismissed if you’ve ever watched an episode of Silicon Valley or Halt and Catch Fire. Moving on…

So one theory of how time works is the Block Universe Theory, which is as straightforward as it is unsatisfying. Essentially, according to the theory, everything that has happened or will happen has already happened and our linear perception of time leads us to move through all of the moments<—>in order. Sad for fans of self-determination though. Why should you even make a choice if everything is already set?

Fine. What if you had a Growing Block? Sure, everything that has happened is fixed and agreed upon, but that only happens as our “now” progresses. Things in the future aren’t set, which pleases the folks who dig stuff like relativity, but the past is the past and now no longer exists. The only thing that matters is now, but events taking place now determine how the future will be shaped. Pretty good, right?

It’s fine for most of us, but how do you account for uncertainty, and when does all future get around to, ahem, crystalizing into the present and form the past? And again, whose “now” is creating this narrow and ever-changing band of existence? Should it be yours? Must it be mine for what I’m seeing to be true at any given time?

Anyway, I had a nice little birthday get-together with my sweet wife, my sister, her significant other, and my niece at the beach. The storms in Southern California let up for the day and revealed the lovely view pictured above<—>in the past.

Your pal,

– bob

October 6, 2023October 6, 2023

The Conceit

Friends,

It’s been a while, but I’ve been busy.

However, I have a plan. Two weeks ago I visited my piney paradise (more on how much I miss the forest tomorrow) and stopped by the local thrift shop. While there, I was thrilled to discover a 1964 Olivetti Lettera 32 that I promptly picked up. This was in service to satisfy my newfound desire to own a nice typewriter (this is news. – ed I don’t know if you missed this, but I haven’t posted anything new in quite a while.)

The new machine is going to replace the previous two typewriters I picked up solely because the typing effort on the other two is way too high—I really have to stab the keys on the Sears machine and the Smith Corona very hard to get anything on a page and that’s annoying.

So here’s the idea: I type out a post on paper, plop it into the scanner, then it shows up here. It seems fun to me. Gizmos, scripting, and old mechanical things. What could possibly go wrong?

– bob

April 3, 2023April 3, 2023

Tuning The Carbs

Friends,

I just got off the phone with a nutritionist named Jeanine who shared some things, like if one has diabetes, one must be very conscious of carbohydrates. I learned this from my Dad, who offered this advice, “Stay away from white food.” Before you imagine that he was referring to potato salad with raisins (ew. – ed), he meant rice, potatoes, and bread. 60 grams of carbohydrates a day. That’s my “budget.” Not a lot for me, since I love a good potato chip every now and again.

Jeanine also noted that I’m barely getting half of the exercise I should be putting in every week. If I have any desire to lose weight, it’s 300 minutes of exercise each week, at minimum. I’m thinking of starting here and building up to a more serious regimen. The problem is that I can’t seem to get started.

You know, maybe I should treat it as a nice way to mix up the routine.

Now that I think about it, another way to mix up the routine would be to fix a certain sad and broken Jeep languishing in my garage. (isn’t there also a sad and broken jeep in your driveway as well? – ed Yes. I’m reminded of that fairly regularly, but this is a different story.)

My fine Jeep Commando is a lot of fun to drive, but it’s sort of a pain to keep running. Slowly, I’m working on that problem. Now that electric cars are slated to take over from hydrocarbon-burning transportation, replacement carburetors are remarkably cheap. If you don’t believe me, look for regular, non-performance carburetors at Amazon, or Summit Racing, or Rock Auto. Those remanufactured carbs are pretty cheap, because the bet is that they’ll soon be obsolete. That calculus may be a little premature, but I’ll take it.

I also took the opportunity to replace the points in the distributor with a Pertronix unit. It’s a Hall-effect pickup that replaces the points and fits inside the distributor cap. That should take care of the “go” but I still need to address to the “whoa.” (seriously? -ed It was too good to pass up.)

Also, there might be some large holes in the floor…

Nothing that can’t be fixed, right?

Right?

Your pal,

– bob

July 29, 2022August 18, 2022

How Much Is Too Little? Edition

Friends,

As you know, I’m currently working for the 8th largest B2B marketing communications firm (by billings) in the UK and I’m dead chuffed about it. (a bit gratuitous, innit? – ed See? You’re doing it now. It’s infectious.) However, problems pop up in any new job and in this job, because it’s completely remote, it’s hard to get a read on people. What I tend to do in these situations, and stop me if this seems very familiar, is overcompensate. “Oh no!” I hear you exclaim, beating your chest and tearing at your garments. “How can this possibly be so! Haven’t you learned your lessons?” To which I reply, “Was that supposed to be plural?” And you answer in chorus, “Yes, plural.”

so be it.

I’ve learned some lessons, like when to sit down and write about it before I dig myself the deepest hole. And that brings us to now, and the current problem is this: Is it my job to jam mildly-spiced words into a casing to be boiled, sliced, and served to a mildly interested public in order to tick a box on a marketing communications manager’s spreadsheet of monthly deliverables? Or is it my job to bring the training and knowledge I’ve gained over several decades to develop engaging narrative to compel the reader and bend them to my will?

Well? Is it that one?

After being told recently that my work was too esoteric, too cerebral, and also that my work was too formulaic, stodgy, like a datasheet, I went a little overboard. I thought I’d see if I could get more love from colleagues if I started being more “wacky.” This did not go well.

Then I buttoned things down and asked colleagues for reports on target demographics and the results from previous campaigns. This continued my streak of not winning any friends.

So here I sit, at a loss as usual. I’m also grateful for the opportunity to report that this is the worst of my problems.

Not so bad, eh wot?

Your best pal,

– bob

January 13, 2022January 13, 2022

What Will You Be Doing?

Friends,

If you go back to the very beginning of this rumbling, bumbling, stumbling mess of a memoir, you’ll see that I veered away from a joke of the day format to longer posts not long after 9-11-2001. Not long after that, a bunch of us were relieved from our employment at The 23rd Largest Marketing Communications Agency (by billings) in the country. I spilled a lot of pixels howling about that loss two decades ago.

This is a pretty good soundtrack for this post. Enjoy!

Since that time, I’ve been trying to find a new copywriting gig. I sent out hundreds of applications, fashioned a marketing department at an old job, and I even started my own short-lived business. To say that these efforts failed to hit my career out of the park would ignore that I’ve been swinging at a lot of wild pitches for a very long time. It’s been exhausting.

Well, dear reader, the drought has ended. I’ve been hired by U.K. firm Twogether as their first U.S.-based copywriter and I couldn’t be more excited about it. I’ll be working from my remote office here in northern San Diego County putting words in a specific order that will compel people to do things! For money!

I know what you’re thinking. “Hey Bob, I’m happy for you and I wish you all the best in your new job, but does this mean that you’re going to stop posting to A Jaunty Little Blog altogether?” Heavens no, imaginary reader! In fact, I’m getting ready to start new features that will waste even more of your time. I understand that you’re busy and I haven’t been giving you the high-quality words and phrases on a reliable schedule that you had come to expect. However, I can now make this promise to you: if we’re not completely debilitated in our rampaging pandemic, imprisoned following the next civil war, or we don’t have to become refugees from our nascent religious fundamentalist minority white rule ethno-kakistocracy, I’ll have hours of entertaining content here for you!

Tell a friend!

Your pal,

– bob

October 17, 2021

It’s The Spanish Word For Minivan Ownership

Friends,

I applied for a job to write for the ad agency that operates the auto buying service for a big box retailer you’ve heard of. Had a couple interviews that went well and waited to hear word on their decision for what seemed like far too long. Eventually, they passed.

While I was waiting, I heard from a recruiter who thought I’d be great for an opening at a flooring company minding their database of dimensions and color profiles. I did that for Hewlett Packard half a lifetime ago and it led to some big things. As long as I’m starting my career over, might as well start over from the beginning.

Okay, this will make you mad: I went through a couple interviews and poured my guts out, then waited for far too long, again. When they finally made their decision, they decided to go with nobody and hire an agency to do the work. It’d be less expensive, they said.

So yes, I’m back at it. If you know anybody who needs a copywriter, let me know!

Your pal,

– bob

July 4, 2021July 6, 2021

The Boss Says, Swapping Aerosolized Body Fluids Promotes Productivity!

Friends,

Since we last grabbed each other in this little do-si-do, I have obtained employment, enjoyed some weird boosterism, put a family member in the hospital, stared into the maw of despair, and have come across a remarkable discovery. That’s right, it’s a housekeeping post.

Let’s box this gnat!

I’ve been applying for copywriting jobs for over a year with no success. I’m a tough sell on paper: out of the agency business for decades, and in-house samples from non-profit don’t obviously transfer to sales jobs. The other problem is I don’t know the jargon. This shuts a lot of doors for recruiters and HR people who are ticking boxes. As you’ve learned after any time browsing posts here, I hate jargon. I’ve spent an awful lot of time removing jargon. I’m good at it. I’ve always felt that if you hide behind industry buzzwords, you either don’t know what you’re talking about or you’re gatekeeping. I’ll keep applying until I find a kindred spirit, but in the meanwhile, it’s tech support.

Tech support is cleaning up other people’s messes. Usually, those messes are created by software engineers on a deadline who ship product before it’s complete, completely vetted, tested, and reworked. I understand why they do it, but that makes you, dearest reader, an unofficial software tester. You get to figure out why Outlook can’t handle that many deleted items and Excel can’t open your friend’s spreadsheet because it’s Tuesday. I get to fix it.

My current gig isn’t awful. The half-hour commute takes me to a biotech shop on the coast. Good start! The place is staffed with a lot of adults, which is a refreshing change. They just want to do a good job and go home. No real politics that I can discern. The downside is that it’s a temporary position on a contract. They may hire me, which is an idea it seems like they’re thinking about, but as far as I know now, it’s a no-benefits/onsite position all summer.

Speaking of onsite, the bosses have decided that all employees will return to the office this Tuesday after working from home since March of last year. There’s a lot of grumbling and management haven’t handled it well. Like businesses across the country, they started with the first rationale: that in-person work leads to greater collaboration and productivity. This is an assertion that really hasn’t been proven. There are no workplace studies. Nothing to back it up except hearsay and absurd commercial property values. This was quickly followed up by, “Because I say so.” Playing this card is so very popular with the rank and file workers who know that zero work has been done on ventilation systems, vaccination validation, and that very little effort has been put into revising sanitation protocols. Folks love it.

The boosterism comes from the bosses and human resources folks sending out bulk emails about how are super excited to see everyone! All you precious little knowledge workers with the tops of your adorable noggins poking over the tops of low cubicle walls fill our hearts with glee.

The knowledge workers I’ve spoken with aren’t feeling it. They’ve built home offices, rearranged schedules, taken on childcare and eldercare commitments, and now they’re being asked to chuck it in the bin. Folks feel like they’re doing the work and building premium products without needing to warm a company-issued chair.

The nature of work has changed. People aren’t just working for a paycheck anymore. Okay, I am actually working for a paycheck at the moment, and there are millions out there like me. My goal, and suspect the goal of the rest is a simple one: Work to live, don’t live to work. Enjoy what you do. Make a difference. Make it count.

Keep a kind thought for my father-in-law who was admitted to the hospital a week ago with pneumonia. He’s as weak as a very puny and out of shape kitten, so he’s going to need a lot of rehab to get back to full strength.

Also, Stinko brought some daughters to the desert and I fed them enchiladas at my parents’ house. He was subdued, but seemed to enjoy the visit and the attention. Please do what you can to cheer him up by spending outrageous amounts of money at his shop, won’t you?

We’re keeping gluten-free at my house for reasons (Celiac Disease can be pretty rough. I don’t have it, but I’m an ally in the struggle. Also, did you know that Celiac Disease is considered a disability when you’re applying for jobs? Let’s have a chat about why that’s case sometime later. Not now.) and we’ve been able to find gluten-free puff pastry dough. We made spanikopita with the stuff and it’s amazing. Light, flaky, and very tasty. If you find it in the freezer section, stock up. You never know when it’ll be back.

Thanks for passing through. Now it’s time to separate and go home.

Your best pal,

– bob

UPDATE: The original version of this post was a grammatical mess. I fixed a bunch of stuff, but if you see some glaring error, please let me know. Thanks!

March 22, 2021March 22, 2021

Opportunities

Friends,

As you know, I’m still looking for a full time gig after the contract information technology “engagements” fell flat. I had a nice interview this afternoon with the copy manager at a software house in New York, so that looks promising. In the meanwhile, I thought it would be nice to get some work published elsewhere that I can add to the portfolio.

I threw my hat into the ring at a nascent auto industry analysis site and they asked for a writing sample. The brief was in “500 or fewer words about something you don’t see getting any coverage, but you think the auto enthusiast press should be reporting on.” Oh boy, I can write that all day. So I did!

Media Should Talk About The U.S. Auto Industry

I’m old enough to remember Chrysler’s bankruptcy in 1979. The evening news led with breathless coverage about the ensuing loss of jobs, the political ramifications, the victims and who to blame. Foreign manufacturers were demonized. It was a very important American crisis.
I’m also old enough to remember the triumphant stories heralding Lee Iacocca’s repayment of emergency government loans ahead of schedule to save Chrysler. This made him a very important American business leader.
Renault’s takeover of AMC? I remember the gasps of horror. How can the French own American Motors? Then somebody said, “Jeep” and everybody nodded. Chrysler’s takeover of AMC? “There’s Lee, flexing his muscles,” the media shrugged and moved on.
It wasn’t until the Daimler take over of Chrysler and the media’s stenographic coverage of the “Merger of Equals” that the auto industry merited some sort of analysis again. Not the right sort, of course. Not the kind that would have identified the OE’s exposure to collapse at the hands of the credit markets.
Now, post-Carpocalypse, post-UAW bashing, post-bailout coverage is mostly a Tesla blooper reel.
I think I’m old enough to handle the truth about each car maker’s plans for American mobility. Are they planning on continuing to make cars at all? What’s driving their decision making?
Nobody has said a peep about why the Stellantis merger happened in the first place except that the late Sergio Marchionne though any merger would be a good idea. It can’t just be to sell Challengers in Brazil, can it?
I’d like to find out about these things. Wouldn’t you?

I hope that little rant lands me a sweet, low-paying gig. Maybe it’ll even lead to something else that’s could be a lot of fun.

Fingers crossed.

Your pal,

– bob

March 2, 2021March 3, 2021

Cloaking Device

Friends,

As you may know, my contract at my “forever job” wasn’t renewed and the bosses wouldn’t tell me why. My superpower, to make a simple thing into a catastrophic thing when I lack information, has led me down many soul-crushing paths. Maybe they didn’t renew my contract because of that one day when I wore Converse All-Stars into the office instead of fancier basketball shoes favored by my colleagues. Or maybe it was simply lack of funding.

Hint: It’s always funding.

Then my cool software administrator job started. Knowing that we had a 4-year contract with the client, I figured that I could work with that. It would be plenty of time to show them our talent and hopefully extend that contract. What could go wrong!

Funding? Again? That’s what they said when they cancelled the contract two months in, so that’s what we’re telling everyone else.

Now it’s time to look for new jobs and talk to recruiters, including the friendly guy from Texas who’s recruiting for a tech job at a local hospital. Big round trip to find people in a five-mile radius, but I gladly took his call. “I’ll send you more details in a moment. What’s your preferred email address?” he asked. Then nothing.

Hours later, still nothing. He probably got the address wrong and the email bounced. No worries, I’ll just call him back.

“Oh, hi. This is Bob Therieau. Is this [redacted]?” *click*

Of course I called back and the call went straight to voicemail.

It’s important to note at this point that I’m not all that qualified for his job. I did that work years ago (it seems like I’ve done a lot of jobs at some point), but I’m not currently doing that work. I could figure it out, just like I figure out the computers and software that I’ve been asked to support before I’ve ever seen them, during my entire career, but that’s everybody’s objection, isn’t it?

“The client is looking for a copywriter who has recent experience writing cat food radio commercial scripts.” “I wrote dog food commercials a few years ago.” “Oh dear, I don’t know. That’s not really the same, is it? Two different markets…”

There are a few more things in the pipeline, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a recruiter actually hang up on me. This is a wild time to be looking for a new job, but that was really weird. He could have just said something if I don’t meet the criteria.

You know. Just say something.

Your pal,

– bob

WEIRD UPDATE: Did Texas recruiter call back today? Yes, he did! Something, phone’s messed up, didn’t see the voicemail, etc. You legitimately have earned extra points if you saw that coming. But, you know. You could’ve said something.

January 4, 2021

Potato

Friends,

I’m not supposed to have potatoes. When I was first diagnosed with a faulty pancreas, my Dad was distraught. “I hoped you wouldn’t get this,” he said on the phone when I told him the news years ago. Understandable, since his father lost a leg and passed away far too young due to its complications.

My Dad offered this dietary advice back then: “don’t eat white things.” Like what? “Potatoes and rice are the big ones. Bread is the other one. Stay away from them and you should be in good shape.” Good thing he was talking about the common white things and not hominy and tripe because I was already avoiding those things like I avoid maskless crowds in the deli section at Albertson’s.

Unfortunately, I really enjoy the common white foods. Add thyme, shallots, cream, and gruyère and I’m all in. Hip deep. Even if it takes two hours to prepare.

My blood sugar is going to be a disaster.

I hope you’re doing well.

Your best pal,

– bob

June 25, 2020June 25, 2020

Creaky Old Weirdos

Friends,

An update on Le Musée des Ordinateurs Anciens:

The Toshiba that caught fire after I soldered on the battery jumper backwards—in my defense, the battery terminals were mislabeled—is still on hold. Once burned, twice shy, I suppose.
The Toshiba Satellite I started work on has a bad and expensive to fix display, so that’s on hold for a bit as well.
But look here! The old Amiga 1200 is working! Sorta!

I cleaned up the Amiga after it spent some unfortunate time in the garage and it started right up. Its whopping 170 megabyte hard drive made a lot of clicking and clacking noises, but didn’t boot the machine. Time for a new hard drive.

Luckily, there’s a seller in the UK that sells brand new CompactFlash cards with the Amiga Workbench installed, and the hardware needed to hook it all up. I ordered it up and it arrived a month later. Can’t wait to see how the old gal runs after all this time.

BTW, got a spare a 72-pin 128 MB SIMM laying around? I’ll trade you a box of double density floppy disks.

Stay safe. Wear a mask, please.

Your pal,

– bob