holidays – A Jaunty Little Blog

April 20, 2024

No, YOU need to cool down

Friends,

It’s been a while and the wet paper bag of events has finally managed to drop its load on my keyboard. In other, less pale mauve terms, a lot has happened and it’s time to share some of it with you, dearest reader.

The structure of this post is kinda up in the air, so let’s bookend the thing with good news. Nothing here is particularly bad or concerning, but a sort of positivity sandwich seems like the way to go, so let’s get started!

I’m still gainfully employed in my chosen profession! If you’ve been following the advertising and marketing industry, this is quite a feat. There have been massive layoffs—if not actual agency failures—here in the States and in Europe. Clients seem to be taking advantage of this by forcing rates down into the basement, but that’s probably not a great idea if they’re hoping to retain talent for their future projects. It works to bolster their quarterly results, sure, but skittish creatives are going to jump ship or change industries entirely. I’m not that easily spooked, so I’m sticking with it.

With that in mind, we were pretty excited when the call came in to get ready to come to London this summer. My sweetheart and I have been musing about our first European trip together, so a free ticket for me meant half-priced travel for both of us. England? Great. We can get a free trial for Babbel to learn the language, and we can get plug adapters for our chargers. Let’s go!

needle scratch.wav

The call today was postponing the trip. We bought non-refundable plane tickets, which added some complication, but there’s a happy resolution for that on the horizon. I’m not entirely sure what it is at the moment, but it’s gonna be amazing. Probably.

Before this happened, we moved my mother in-law out of her retirement apartment and into a great memory care facility. “Is there such a thing?” I hear you ask. What I know is this: she’s happier, healthier, and is more engaged. I think it’s very reasonable to say that it’s a great facility.

My illustrious writing partner was scheduled to have a hip replacement months ago. She’s SOOO much older than I am (eight months, friend. maybe cool it. – ed It’s a running gag. Relax.) but it really doesn’t seem like the hardware should pack up this early, and I don’t envy her having to wait another few months to get the procedure done. Also, I missed commemorating her birthday, so I’m a bad friend and feel terrible.

Speaking of repairs, and I know that she has, if you’ve heard of P0456, that’s a small leak of your car’s evaporative emissions system. Without a smoke machine it’s hard to find those small leaks, so I acted on a hunch and replaced the evaporative system sensor based on a bunch of YouTube videos. It seems to have worked so far, but I can’t be sure because, well, I’ve stopped smoking.

audience light applause.wav

Since you asked, I got the extra parts to install the Gotek floppy eliminator I picked up at VCF SoCal in my Kaypro 2x. Have I done it yet, no. I’m looking forward to not relying on 5 1/4″ floppies to make things happen on the machine which admittedly can’t do too much, but I still want to plop the machine on a table at the local Panera and start working.

In case you were wondering, the fans in my 2019 Intel Macbook Air are going nuts right now. Is it because I’m dropping so much truth (i’m not feeling very well right now. -ed Me neither, dog. um, gross. -ed). I think the problem is that this machine is underpowered, unloved for its zero-travel keyboard with the dodgy zero key, and ready to be retired. UPDATE: Or mail.app crashed. Why? No idea.

Remember how the Republican tax cuts from 2018 benefitted the very wealthy and threw the middle class a bone for a couple years to keep “the people” from revolting? It turns out that whatever enticement we had to not storm the Bastille has ended this year. Will low-information middle class voters blame the Biden administration for the tax increase or understand that this was a deliberate sabotage of our system by a bunch of cynical finks who are only in it for themselves? It’s hard to know!

Well, that’s about it for now. More soon.

Your pal,

– bob

February 5, 2024

Crystalizing Block Theory

Friends,

I’ve been poking around lately, reading different theories of the nature of time and our place in various models. Everyone does in one way or another during their Birthday Holiday Season. I just chose the theoretical physics route because that just seems to make more sense (even when it starts making less sense? -ed Spoilers!).

I started thinking about how far away the nebulas and galaxies captured by the Hubble and James Webb space telescopes actually are. Considering the time it takes for those images to get from there to here, what we’re looking at must’ve happened eons ago. Naturally, you start wondering what’s happening in those places now. Do those things even exist anymore?

So one thing leads to another and it’s easy to start thinking about the definition of now, which starts getting into definitions of time. What I didn’t think I’d have to consider is exactly who gets to decide when or even what is now. What we perceive as now has already happened, because like the telescopes, there’s a lag between the sensory inputs and our receipt of them.

And by the way, there’s a lot of screwy speculation about whether we’re all simply living in a simulation. I think this is easily dismissed if you’ve ever watched an episode of Silicon Valley or Halt and Catch Fire. Moving on…

So one theory of how time works is the Block Universe Theory, which is as straightforward as it is unsatisfying. Essentially, according to the theory, everything that has happened or will happen has already happened and our linear perception of time leads us to move through all of the moments<—>in order. Sad for fans of self-determination though. Why should you even make a choice if everything is already set?

Fine. What if you had a Growing Block? Sure, everything that has happened is fixed and agreed upon, but that only happens as our “now” progresses. Things in the future aren’t set, which pleases the folks who dig stuff like relativity, but the past is the past and now no longer exists. The only thing that matters is now, but events taking place now determine how the future will be shaped. Pretty good, right?

It’s fine for most of us, but how do you account for uncertainty, and when does all future get around to, ahem, crystalizing into the present and form the past? And again, whose “now” is creating this narrow and ever-changing band of existence? Should it be yours? Must it be mine for what I’m seeing to be true at any given time?

Anyway, I had a nice little birthday get-together with my sweet wife, my sister, her significant other, and my niece at the beach. The storms in Southern California let up for the day and revealed the lovely view pictured above<—>in the past.

Your pal,

– bob

June 30, 2023

Creeping fascism, alarms, and the tyranny of zero

Friends,

Let’s dispense with the apologia and get right to it. (good luck with that. you’re feeling terrible right now, aren’t you? -ed Okay, I’m not feeling great about the time that’s passed since the last post, but I simply wanted to get on with it. Is that so wrong?)

I work for a company based in London, as do a half dozen other charming individuals here in the States. Most are on the Atlantic coast, while only three of us are here on the left side of the continent. Because several of my colleagues live in Florida, I take a moment from my work day to give them grief about their current governor. This person is also a presidential candidate, and is working very hard to be more cruel, more inhuman, more opposed to human life on this planet than his opponents. Essentially, the Republican party game plan. Here’s a data point:

Florida bill allowing radioactive roads made of potentially cancer-causing mining waste signed by DeSantis

Because I don’t understand messianic Christians and their deal, I don’t get the destruction of the planet in service of their belief in some sort of redemption by fire or apocalypse or whatever. I don’t get it. Further, while I have shifted my worldview to allow for people’s religions as a fun fandom that we should probably not subject to our scorn, I’m not nearly as sanguine about the hard-right Catholics on the US Supreme Court. They’ve issued opinions this week to take away rights from a large swath of the population. This week, at the end of their nutso decision-making and making up stuff, they let us know that we shouldn’t criticize them for their highly partisan decisions.

In my country, we have a saying; “You need to go fuck yourselves.”

The modest proposals to fix this, to add four more justices—with 13 justices to coincide with the 13 circuit courts—still hasn’t gained the support of the president. Madness.

Maybe he’d prefer my plan, adding 50 justices, selecting a baker’s dozen for each case via lottery. It’s reasonable, which is why they won’t do it.

What’s left? The destruction of this democracy through the machinations of fascists and would-be fascists in Florida, Wisconsin, Ohio, and too many other places. It’s hard to be encouraged here. The only thing we can do is to keep them out of power.

That’s it.

Let’s go!

Your pal,

– bob

February 3, 2021

The Second Third

Friends,

My Birthday Holiday Season has begun! Clap hands!

Actually, it started over the weekend when my kind in-laws, who are living in a nearby Dutch-reformed-themed retirement community (complete with working windmill!) brought a lavish gift of photography gear. This was followed by a check from my folks who are holed up in their home in the desert.

Is there cake? Yes, there’s cake. Phone calls poured in from well-wishers, which is always welcome.

Will there be more? Yes! Big plans for the weekend (Or so I’ve heard. Very exciting.)

What we’ve learned is that having a birthday on a Tuesday kinda blows. It’s too far away from the leading weekend and too far from the following weekend. Annoying. That said, I am going to make it my business to see that other people who are having birthdays in the middle of the week during a pandemic will still get the maximum fun treatment. This is because your birthday is your own personal holiday and deserves a suitable celebration.

Sometimes I think that I’m the only person who believes this. There are times when I hear, “Ugh, I’m getting so old,” when I share my Dad’s retort: “It sure beats the alternative.”

Your pal,

– bob

P.S. Bonus sunset photo!

January 2, 2021

No Zero Days

Friends,

I joined the hundreds of thousands of people across the globe who essentially took 2020 off. Not from work, at least not on purpose, but from the creative pursuits that we used to enjoy before the darkest year in living memory. Now that that The Orange Menace has been stopped at a single disastrous term in the White House, it’s time to get back to it.

Was I actually waiting for an election? Not really, but it does seem like a good place to plant a marker for a new start. Besides, being sad, out of shape, angry, cooped up in the house, and jobless (Twice! For the same pandemic!) has to end sometime. Why not now?

That’s why I’m taking the opportunity and nudge from C. Spike Trotman of Iron Circus Comics on Twitter to do something creative every day. Writing is the thing I’m doing today. Yesterday it was reinventing my old vegetarian chili recipe to make it gluten-free after almost a decade hiatus. I made it every New Year’s Day for fifteen years or so based on Carrol Shelby’s Chili Mix but without the meat. Now it’s got a big helping of Impossible Burger browned and mixed in. Pretty good!

Tomorrow, I start working on a special project that I’ve been hoping get off the ground for years. This year is the year. It’ll be stupid. I hope you like it.

More later.

Your best pal,

– bob

January 8, 2020January 9, 2020

A Most Wonderful Time

Friends,

The holidays took a busy turn this year. As in previous years, our trip started in the mountains, dropping our elderly pups at the Damp Dog Lodge so they don’t get under foot and drop our elderly parents at their home in the desert.

With the puppy dogs safely napping in front of the fireplace, we headed down the hill for the day.

We had snacks and ate too much…

…then settled into dinner and ate far too much.

Gifts were exchanged in our gift exchange wherein I arbitrarily raised the spending limit this year, which elicited an audible gasp from my Mom.

When we returned, the snow wasn’t terribly deep. When we left on Boxing Day, the berm created by the snow plows was an obstacle that the definitely-not-designed-for-the-snow Michelin tires could not handle.

I’d say that we had a delightful time over the three days. It was nice to see the family, the hill was resplendent in its winter garb, and except for nearly crashing the Jeep, it was pretty relaxing.

The next week was a little less relaxing. More on that in a bit…

Your pal,

– bob

December 24, 2015

A Very Merry Christmastime

Friends,

I’m not going to sugar-coat it; this year has not been great. Business has been slow and some promising opportunities have fizzled or flaked. Despite that, I’ve had the good fortune to meet new people and branch out a bit.

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that starting and maintaining a new business is harder than I thought. The work itself isn’t the tough part [maybe you should take a moment out of this holiday message that seems to have veered wildly off course and tell the people what it is you do. – ed Not now, I’m on a roll.]. Fixing computers, installing networks, and building websites are the jobs I’m landing most often which is fine and not terribly difficult. The problem is marketing myself. I can easily develop slick marketing plans for other people, but I’ve always had a issue with selling myself. If I overcome that, I’d be in much better shape.

So there’s my wish for the new year—to get some more business. My wish for you is that you enjoy a healthy and happy 2016.

Totally doable.

Your best pal in the whole wide world,

– bob

February 4, 2014

Birthday Holiday Season! Kickoff! Recap!

[note: the pictures that are supposed to be in this post, and help it make sense, are missing from the server. our crack team of researchers are looking into it and hope to find them very soon. -ed]

Friends,

These are some of the things that happened yesterday as I kicked off my 2014 Birthday Holiday Season. As you know, your own birthday holiday season begins when you receive the first gift, or cake, or card and ends when the last candle is extinguished. Using this time-tested formula for happy funtimes, a given birthday holiday season can last for months—as it should.

Let’s begin with the good news that the football team that I’ve been rooting for in a somewhat ironic way for the past few years actually won the Super Bowl. Why did I choose them as my team? Because they represent the largest geographical area of any major sports team in America that I can think of. Nice old ladies in Alaska are Seahawks fans. People from Idaho to Oregon are Seahawks fans. Becoming a fan of this team seemed logical.

As you know by now, yesterday also marked the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Gifted and troubled, his death struck me in a weird way. I knew that he was a genius and labored under his addictions, but there was one thing that stood out on the day of my birth; he was only 46.

I’ve always found the coincidence of my birthday falling on Groundhog’s Day to be a bit unsettling, mostly because the ritual is pretty damn stupid. It warmed my heart then to find this picture of the new mayor of New York City dropping a groundhog during their own dumb ritual thing.

Here in drought-stricken Southern California, we haven’t seen much in the way of precipitation this winter. That’s bad news for a place like Idyllwild, that relies solely on moisture that falls right here for drinking water the rest of the year. I’m happy to report that we received a light dusting of snow last night and it is currently raining.

And that’s something to celebrate.

Your pal,

– bob

UPDATE: Punxsutawney Dr. Phil, from the Conan program.

January 2, 2014

Happy Successful Orbit Day!

A lovely centered picture of an exhausted puppy dog.

Friends,

We’re starting the new year with a whimper, and why not? Someone unhelpfully decided that the Christmas and New Year holidays would be in the middle of the week, messing with everyone’s schedules including Mme. Puppy Dog’s. Of course we’ll regroup over the weekend and provide more content. More! Content!

That’s another way to say, “words.”

It’s going to be a fine new year, everybody.

Your pal,

– bob

UPDATE: Apparently, lots of people hate the term, “content,” so we’ll be using “words” from now on. “Words” and “pictures” and some “video” and some “audio.”

February 3, 2013

It’s Time To Talk To Your Kids About The Second of February

Friends,

When you think of the second day of February, you may automatically think about rodents. Given the popularity of the 1993 Bill Murray documentary Groundhog Day, featuring a rodent, you could be forgiven this popular notion.

However, concentrating on a common ground marmot, woodchuck, land beaver or whistle pig would tend to take our focus off of what’s really important—that it’s the start of the birthday holiday season. Whose birthdays? I’m glad you asked.

The late Stan Getz was born on the second of February, as were Farrah Fawcett, Christie Brinkley, Brent Spiner and Shakira, as you know. In addition to these luminaries, you’ll be excited to know that February second also my birthday.

I can’t begin to tell you how little I care about the comings and goings of a marmot on this day. In fact, I’m much more excited that it’s World Wetlands Day, if I’m to be honest.

So have another slice of cake…

…or maybe light up another cigar…

…and take a moment to remember the real reason for the season.

Your best pal in the whole world,

– bob

January 1, 2013

Say Goodnight, Time

A lovely centered picture of a time meddler.

Friends,

Thanks for an incredibly odd and frustrating year. I hope that you and the ones you love have a much better 2013.

Much, much better.

Your best friend in the whole wide world,

– bob

December 30, 2012

The Time Stealer

A lovely centered picture of a silly costumed man.

Friends,

It’s the interstitial between THE CHRISTMASTIME and THE NEWYEARTIME and I had many grand plans for this weekend. So I wake up late, as you do on the weekend, and realize that my rat fink traitorous lower back betrays me and thwarts any plans to walk, install brilliant gifts on my slab-sided pickup, or even carry laundry to the washer. Dammit.

You’re surely thinking, “Well then, why are you sitting in a chair writing this instead of laying down?” Because this is the only comfortable place and position to be in at the moment. Even then, it’s not great, but I really do love Ikea’s jesus chair (that they don’t sell anymore, but is kinda like this one) at the moment since it’s very nearly the right height.

Is it the cold, snowy weather? A dog huddling up into my lower back overnight? The fates? Broken osteothings? Maybe something else entirely?

Surely yes.

More tomorrow on the thrilling consequences of these circumstances!

Your best pal in the world,

– bob

December 22, 2012

Happy Christmastime!

A lovely centered picture of a Christmas pudding.

Friends,

I say Happy Christmas. This doesn’t ring right to American ears, which is the intended result. When I’m extending a cheerful greeting during this season, I would like people to notice, stop for a second and think. The dissonance makes people notice.

I don’t hear a whole lot about Americans being merry. It’s not a description that’s used very often and I really can’t tell you why. It’s not that we’re moping around, far from it. Visitors from other countries will usually remark that Americans are an amiable people. Affable, friendly, warm, but not merry. Jolly? Save that for our vision of a certain heavyset and hirsute gentleman in a crimson suit. Happy sits there on the upbeat spectrum somewhere between giddy and satisfied for me. A spot where a warm hearth, the golden winter sunset streaming through the windows, and little kids full of too much sugar giggling with delight resides. Happy.

While in the Apple store down near the Festival of Dirt purchasing shiny things for a cute girl I know, the young guy taking my money wasn’t sure what to make of me. I asked an overworked and over-asked woman in the back of the store if she would process my payment and was referred to the table up front with the young guy. “They’re faster,” she suggested. I shared that praise with the young guy, rolling him back a bit. After the gizmos were bagged and my receipt bleep-blorped into my phone, he thanked me with some tenuous corporate approved “Happy holidays!” “Thank you, and Happy Christmas!” I replied. He stopped for a beat and asked, “Hey, that’s English!” “I suppose it is, isn’t it?” as I headed out the door.

I wish you and the people you love a very happy Christmas.

You’ve been through a lot this year and you deserve it.

Your best pal in the world,

– bob

P.S. In other Christmas news, is Mercedes-Benz’s commercial guy…

…supposed to remind us of this guy?

I think the demographics point to yes.