Dear friends,
It’s been a little while but I do need to make mention that woodpeckers are bastards.
– bob
The Bastards
Creeping fascism, alarms, and the tyranny of zero
Friends,
Let’s dispense with the apologia and get right to it. (good luck with that. you’re feeling terrible right now, aren’t you? -ed Okay, I’m not feeling great about the time that’s passed since the last post, but I simply wanted to get on with it. Is that so wrong?)
I work for a company based in London, as do a half dozen other charming individuals here in the States. Most are on the Atlantic coast, while only three of us are here on the left side of the continent. Because several of my colleagues live in Florida, I take a moment from my work day to give them grief about their current governor. This person is also a presidential candidate, and is working very hard to be more cruel, more inhuman, more opposed to human life on this planet than his opponents. Essentially, the Republican party game plan. Here’s a data point:
Because I don’t understand messianic Christians and their deal, I don’t get the destruction of the planet in service of their belief in some sort of redemption by fire or apocalypse or whatever. I don’t get it. Further, while I have shifted my worldview to allow for people’s religions as a fun fandom that we should probably not subject to our scorn, I’m not nearly as sanguine about the hard-right Catholics on the US Supreme Court. They’ve issued opinions this week to take away rights from a large swath of the population. This week, at the end of their nutso decision-making and making up stuff, they let us know that we shouldn’t criticize them for their highly partisan decisions.
In my country, we have a saying; “You need to go fuck yourselves.”
The modest proposals to fix this, to add four more justices—with 13 justices to coincide with the 13 circuit courts—still hasn’t gained the support of the president. Madness.
Maybe he’d prefer my plan, adding 50 justices, selecting a baker’s dozen for each case via lottery. It’s reasonable, which is why they won’t do it.
What’s left? The destruction of this democracy through the machinations of fascists and would-be fascists in Florida, Wisconsin, Ohio, and too many other places. It’s hard to be encouraged here. The only thing we can do is to keep them out of power.
That’s it.
Let’s go!
Your pal,
– bob
I Appreciate You
Friends,
It’s the first of February, which is not necessarily notable since it’s an entire day before my birthday, but I’ve got a moment so let’s have at it.
Things have been happening here in America’s 23rd Most Disappointing City (did you make that up? -ed I sure did, but I’m gonna go with it for a while. What could be worse than not being the best at being the worst?). In-laws have been falling and going to the emergency room. Moisture fell out of the sky and filled up the back yard, drowning the lawn. Moisture fell out of the sky over the Secret Alpine Laboratory, which looks nicer…
The security cameras there captured the scene, but I haven’t been there for a solid month. This hurts my heart, to be completely honest. We may go Friday if the in-laws don’t fall again.
Sigh.
Speaking of security cameras, some of them are old and crap, so they need more light. Nowadays, Wi-Fi-connected lightbulbs can provide the needed lumens, but how to tell them apart? I’ve found that giving IoT devices cute names is annoying when issuing voice commands…
“Hey Siri, turn on The Light Colloquially Known As Sir Harriot Blammo VonDinkle”
Instead, I added pictures—and a deep sigh.
Ahh, that’s better.
Your pal,
– bob
A Roof Over Our Heads
Friends,
This is the story of two houses. One built in a tract of single family homes during the early 1970s suburban speculation boom. The other built as a vacation getaway in a small mountain resort town during the late 1940s post-war construction boom. Both houses need a new roof.
The 50-year old house needed its red asphalt composite shingle roof replaced 20 years ago and the owners did what any self-respecting cheapskate did in the 90s—cover the red shingles with gray shingles. Now that those shingles have failed (curling, tabs breaking off, whole sections breaking off and flying away), we needed to do something.
The 75-year old house has, apparently, only had its issues addressed once (omg). At that time, the cedar shingles were covered with asphalt composite shingles. I suspect that this wasn’t necessarily to address leaks, but to satisfy a nervous insurance agent trying to justify renewing a policy deep in the urban/wilderness interface. Well, it leaks now, so we need to do something.
There are a lot of roofing contractors servicing the area surrounding the 50-year old house. We read good recommendations for a fellow named Ray. We had a chat, and he agreed to do the work for ten and a half thousand dollars, give or take. Okay, that’s not entirely true. There’s no take, and after the additional carpentry that needed to be done, we gave up a couple thousand more, and after maybe 12 hours of work, they were packed up and gone. The results are just right too. Right color, right amount of fuss (none). If you need a roof, call Ray.
If you’ve taken this cue to stand in your front yard yelling, “RAY!” He’s probably not going to answer. Send me an email instead, and I’ll give you his contact information.
The problem with the 75-year old house, which you might remember as my Secret Alpine Laboratory, is that there’s nothing under the cedar shingles. They’re nailed to thin wood stringers spanning the roof joists, and that’s it.
To put on a new roof, the asphalt shingles, the tar paper, the cedar shingles, whatever paper is underneath that, and the stringers come down. Then, the new roofer who is not Ray will do all of the math and cover the steep pitches and deep valleys with plywood. Although the square footage is nearly identical to the younger structure, the cost is estimated to be over double.
That job hasn’t happened yet, but I’ve sent a very large deposit. This adult stuff is nerve-wracking.
Your very best pal,
– bob
Hibernation Ended
Friends,
It’s been a little while since I last checked in, so consider this A STATUS UPDATE!
First, here’s the song you should be listening to while reading. You’re welcome.
Now! To the business at hand. I’m now two weeks out from the second Moderna jab and we’re getting out into the world again. I don’t really remember how to act around people, so I’m going with the default for all of the amazing delivery drivers who have sacrificed their safety to keep me isolated during the last year: slobbering gratitude. If my side effects from the second Moderna shot were only a fraction as bad as getting Covid-19, I would’ve been terrified to be out in the world. This pandemic is not a joke and I’m concerned that we’re not nearly prepared for the next one, or the one after that. As my late grandmother admonished, maybe we should just stay in bed and pull up the covers.
While it’s great advice, it doesn’t pay the bills.
I have a few live job opportunities in the pipeline at the moment. Of course I can’t tell you about them because I do not wish to invoke the jinx. What I can say is that there are a couple tech support gigs and a couple copywriting gigs. Each one has things to recommend it. Employee discounts, big pay, and neat perks. It’ll be fun to see which one makes an offer first.
My sweet wife has started to believe that my piney paradise is a nice place to spend time, so she has encouraged me to fix up the place a bit. I find it hard to disagree with this.
We went furniture shopping today to pick up a couple larger pieces that should add a more adult feel to the cabin. Bookshelves and end tables and even a dresser made the list. This, however, did not make the cut…
Woof. The headboard lights up.
Your best pal,
– bob
File Under: Stormy Storms
Friends,
It’s been a little while since I’ve checked in here, so let’s catch up!
The Idyllwild Weather Clam
Our gal has been warning us for weeks from her tidepool that there were several arctic storms queing up over the Pacific Ocean and they’ve dumped their payload. It looks like we’re going to receive nearly two feet of snow by the time this is over later this evening.
That’s a better showing than last year.
Speaking of things that are better than last year…
We’re Not Dead!
Despite the slow rollout of the various COVID-19 vaccines, and the fact that we haven’t received our shots, we’re still alive! By “we” I also mean my entire extended family. This is remarkable and I’m tremendously grateful that everybody’s listening to the science instead of politically-motivated dopes.
Hey! Speaking of the intellectually unencumbered…
The Orange President Lost The Election!
In the middle of a global pandemic, he broke the Post Office, which made it tough on those of us relying on things to be shipped to our homes to avoid crowds in malls. Online retailers and pharmacies couldn’t get goods and medications to customers on time. He warned that absentee voting was a rife with fraud, despite the evidence against that lie. We held the safest and most corruption-free election in modern history, yet he claimed that the counting was rigged and his obvious victory was stolen.
When that didn’t work, he replaced the Secretary of Defense with a sycophant who ordered the District of Columbia National Guard to stand down, then he held a little rally. In his presidential remarks, he managed to whip up his supporters, sociopaths, and other dead-enders into a froth, encouraging them to storm the United States Capitol. While there, they managed to get five people killed and over 100 injured.
Despite all of this, his supporters, sycophants, supplicants and other Republican senators can’t seem to find anything wrong with the 45th president’s behavior. They can’t even seem to bring themselves to admit that Joseph R. Biden Jr. won the popular vote and the electoral collage votes to become the 46th President of the United States.
There’s a word for this. It begins with the letter T.
Speaking of insincerity…
Electric Cars For You and You and You
No really. General Motors has announced that they will stop manufacturing internal combustion engines in the next decade. They’ve said this before and walked it back, so there’s no reason to believe them this time except they may be looking for government R&D funding this time. They’ll probably get it, too.
Speaking of funding…
The Stimulus Debit Card
Is it me, or does the stimulus debit card feel like a weird Steve Mnuchin grift? Have you ever heard of that bank? Did you take the time to register on their site so you could transfer the funds to your bank? Shady.
My Birthday Holiday Season Has Begun!
I received the first birthday card for this upcoming momentous birthday today, thus kicking off this year’s Birthday Holiday Season. In case you don’t know the rules, it begins when you receive your first birthday gift and ends when the last candle is blown out. Some years, it has lasted for months.
No, I’m not complaining.
Yes, I am going to buy a replacement cell phone and invoke a discount that is available to people who reach this arbitrary number.
Yes, I will also try to get discounts based on an AARP membership, because I am a cheapskate.
Yes, I feel fine.
No, I don’t think I’ll keep going.
I hope you’re doing well. Take care of yourself.
More later.
Your best pal in the world,
– bob
What Are You Doing? Irwin Allen Edition
Friends,
It’s been a while since I checked in, and the universe has dealt one punch in the face after another after another. Rather than work in chronological order, it might be better to work in order of impact and import.
We went on something of a summer holiday to Southern Oregon towards the beginning of July. At first, when the trip was planned, we were going to go see the in-laws and stay at a little fly fishing resort on the Umpqua River to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. This sounded great and presented a wonderful opportunity to try out the new camera. The updated plan had us spend a couple days at the in-laws’ house first, divvying up their possessions to prepare for their move to a retirement community near our house. More on the retirement community in a bit, but this haggling led to a talons-extended wariness that would filter into the time spent in the forest.
So we ate the meals and slept in the cabin and hiked around a bit, but it felt like the last half of the third sequel. Going through motions. That was until we started hiking out of the trail leading to the largest falls we would visit. I spun my ankle on a trail-colored rock, and spent the next week hopping around and complaining to whoever would listen.
Did my complaining matter? Not one wit.
Once we arrived back home, where complaining continued to not matter, I noticed that the leak under the Wrangler hadn’t got any worse in our absence. I put in a new serpentine belt to replace the one that was starting to go before we left, and headed off to bed. My first day back to work would be in Temecula, so I wanted to make sure I was good to go.
The drive was uneventful the next day. The arrival in the parking lot was not. I knew that thrip-thwap-thwip noise was another belt flying apart. Time to consult experts…
Well, it should have been time to consult experts, but I consulted gifted psychics instead. How do psychics become gifted? They cheat, of course. In this case, the mechanics at the nearby service center had seen this before and knew what to look for. Excessive runout of the thrust bearing causing the crankshaft to move in and out too much. The pulleys go out of alignment and cut the new belt to pieces. Plus, the crankshaft seal is damaged in the process, thus the oil leak I couldn’t identify. The motor was cooked save for the seizing, the smoke and the fires. I still had time to find this old dog a new home and the local Jeep dealer gave me a reasonable price. An auction price, but that’s okay. I’d rather not see it driving around town.
I cast around for a replacement while driving around a rental from Avis and was reminded that a) Avis sells their cars after a while at pretty decent prices, and b) I still have a Grand Cherokee that isn’t running, and c) I miss the interior room and utility of a midsize SUV like the Grand Cherokee. So I bought one that’s a year and a couple months old from them in the weirdest sales transaction I’ve ever conducted (and I once bought a Volkswagen Beetle in the dark).
So much for not having a car payment, eh?
All this time, something’s been wrong with the dogs since we brought them home from the kennel/spa/cages. Food’s not staying down, or not getting consumed at all. Lots of pacing. Lots of trips outside overnight. The puppy pad bill is going to break the bank and after coming home after work to a couple mortifying shitstorms, it was time for the little one to go to the vet.
She hadn’t eaten in a few days, even though we tried to coax her with the most expensive ground up things in tins we could find. The veterinarian drew some blood and took an exceedingly lengthy time to call us with the results. Extraordinary because her health continued to deteriorate over the long weekend. Finally, we took her in to maybe get a feeding tube or something, but the prognosis was grim and final: pancreatic cancer. Looking back, I should’ve kept her head in my hand as the drugs were administered that would end her life. As she stopped controlling her neck, her head flopped over, giving Teresa a start, “Oh god! That’s horrible,” she gasped through the tears.
Mocha was the littlest one, the bravest one, the one who had been through the most. She was a one-doggy puppy mill and had been put through the ringer. She had the scars from being tied up all day and the nervous demeanor of a dog who’d never been socialized. I had an affinity for her that I can’t really describe. She’d been through a lot and deserved to have a nice safe life. I’d like to think that she enjoyed her last three years with us. And just like that, she was gone.
So, how’ve you been?
Your pal,
– bob
UPDATE: Here’s a better picture of the little dog. She’s pictured here on her preferred tower, where a girl can get away from it all, like another dog seven times her size who’s constantly menacing her.
Several In The Bush
Friends,
It’s been a little while since I’ve posted an update, but what a little while it’s been. Since I last wrote some words here and you’ve read them, I’ve taken a position working for the company that contracts to the company that provides Tier III tech support to an enormous multinational publishing company. The office I’m working in near some flower fields and a small regional airport is staffed with good folks who seem to like each other, which is a wild departure from my last office gig. What is not a departure is that the executives do not seem to know what happens in this office. It’s all a laugh though and I’m enjoying my time there.
This means that I don’t get to see my chunk of forest in person very often, so I’m with you having to make due with the webcam images. All of this could change at any time, of course. The people at the new gig could label me a fraud and a sham, sending me packing. A new company could call and offer me uncountable wealth for agreeing to share small pearls of wisdom with them. A large meteor could strike tiny Aguanga, California rendering the roads impassible (like they need any more grief. – ed It’s just an example.). These are things that could potentially happen, but will they? Probably not, don’t count on it, and surely not.
What I do know for sure is that recruiters keep calling and I keep picking up. At this point, though force of habit. They might have something else for me to do soon, but in the meanwhile, I’m happy to spend my day taking apart Dell laptops and resetting passwords.
Your pal,
– bob
A Bird In The Hand
Friends,
As you may have heard, we’re in the middle of the Spring Hiring Season. What this means as far as I know is that companies have finally shaken off last summer’s hiring doldrums, last autumn’s hiring malaise and last winter’s hiring freeze. It’s a rebirth, if you will (and won’t you please?).
I’ve tried to weather all of those various seasonal shutouts, but the job climate now is very different. Offers have been pouring in over the last several weeks and it’s been hard to keep them straight. One is barreling ahead at full speed, but the one I’ve been hoping for over a bunch of months looks like it might also work out. All I have to do is be patient for another week.
Another. Week.
Surely I can hold on for another week, right?
Right?
Your pal,
– bob
Here’s A Wee Update: Write Something, Dammit! Edition
Friends,
I’ve been lax about updating this thing lately, but not for lack of something to say. You can see some nonsense from me on Twitter, mostly about politics and pretending to be friends with people I’ve never met. I also spend a certain amount of time feigning outrage about stuff. It’s not healthy to be a part of the Internet Outrage Machine, of course. The more you feed it, the more insatiable it becomes. You’d think that would be unsustainable, but Twitter is selling ads against the furor, so somebody has figured it out.
This leads me nicely (if you do say so yourself. -ed) to why I haven’t been posting lately. The job market has been particularly prickly and as I read the piles of rejection notes clogging my inbox, it’s been tough to build up the will to write. You can only read that you’re no good for so long before you start believing it yourself. “They don’t realize what they’re missing,” and “Maybe it wasn’t the right fit” still don’t pay the bills. You will not find that surprising.
I still think that writing can pay the bills, so here’s a start. There will be much more to come, including a new project that I can’t talk about yet. Thanks for stopping by. I’m excited to get back behind the keyboard.
Your pal,
– bob
Tramway!
Friends,
How do you build a tram system up a steep slope before we invented anti-gravity boots and rock-climbing robots? Helicopters! These “mechanical dragonflies” hauled stuff up the hill to build towers and string cables so that a bunch of guys in the 1960s didn’t have to. This video is 25 minutes of your life that you may, as I do, find fascinating.
Also, the opening set-up shots are worth the time just to see the hotels and businesses that no longer exist—like Bob Hope.
Come for the nostalgia, stay for the crass jokes!
Your pal,
– bob
Things I Learned While Staring At Trees
Friends,
I was really looking forward to having a respite in 2015 from the nightmare that was 2014. Make no mistake, 2014 was no picnic. I had to quit the job I relied on to get away from an evil boss. Racial turmoil and mass shootings roiled these United States. War, disease and privation made above the fold headlines every single day. Soft media concerned themselves with glossy asses and selfie sticks. Surely, the jackals could take a moment to reflect and step away for a while. This was not to be.
The Paris offices of French magazine Charlie Hedbo were shot up yesterday by Muslim extremists, killing 12 and shocking a nation. This was one of the few publications that republished the cartoons depicting Mohammed published in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten in 2005, earning the magazine a fatwa.
The day before, a chapter of the NAACP in Colorado Springs was bombed, leading to hardly a peep of news coverage. Apparently, this wasn’t fireworks or a gas leak as some have suggested. Rather, this domestic terror attack was intentional, but the outrage machine has been mostly dormant.
The 2016 Chevy Volt was unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show the day before that. One of its key features is the ability of the car to extend to you GM’s “commerce and engagement offering” by showing you ads and offering you coupons when you drive by participating businesses. You can also receive a discount on your insurance via the car’s built-in connection to Progressive Insurance by opting into allowing the car to tell them if you’ve been speeding or doing other naughty things. Hashtag: snitch.
We have also been bombarded in this nascent year with the news that our New Year’s snow storm did not put a dent in California’s drought. which is the worst that has ever happened in the history of forever. We will need, it is supposed, 11 trillion gallons of water to cure this deficit, which is an unimaginable and unattainable number. Therefore, we are doomed.
Or are we?
Okay, yes, maybe we are doomed. What has changed is that we’re being constantly beat over the head with our own failures and our own suffering. The bludgeoning by the media with the cudgel of despair must drive ratings or SEO or clicks or something, but I can see a way to manage the gloom…
Require the media to offer solutions.
None of this “spark a dialog” or “encourage a conversation” nonsense. I’m talking about real solutions. If the drought is caused by too many of those little silica desiccant packs in our packages drying out the air, let’s get rid of them. If the bombers in Colorado mistook the NAACP building for an Arby’s, let’s find a way to get them better maps. If French Islamist extremists don’t understand that cartoons aren’t actually photographs of the prophet, let’s give provide them with a better arts education.
Okay, I couldn’t think of real solutions for any of those problems except for this: Never buy a GM product with OnStar. Ever.
Your pal,
– bob
A Small Business, Man
Friends,
No, I’m not giving up on finding a commuting for an hour, sitting in a cubicle 9-to-5 job, but the benefits of a freelance career have their appeal. For instance, I can step outside and take pictures. Also, Mme. Puppy Dog isn’t getting any younger, so it’s nice to spend time with her.
The only hiccup is getting new clients, and recurring clients would be nice. Maybe you know someone who needs a press release or a new website or who’d like to start a direct mail campaign. I know someone who can make that happen.
– bob
Drought.
August? Really? It’s been that long?
I can explain…
- My trip to Hemet, discussed in some detail here, was to deposit the final paycheck from the Far Eastern Outpost of a charity. In the intervening months, I’ve been looking for jobs, trying to keep my house, and other fun activities.
- “You can’t fire me, I quit,” seems like a lot of fun to say, but actually doing it is fraught with problems. First, I should say that I was, by my reckoning, the fourteenth employee to be investigated at that charity in the last year. By investigated I mean selected for summary judgement and immediate dismissal. It turns out that when the boss tries to impugn your expertise in public, that boss will make sure you’re fired if you stand up for yourself. For instance, I was unable to see into the future to know that the boss’ internet connection in a hotel conference facility on the East Coast might be spotty. Nor was I able to fix that connectivity problem. Therefore, I must be the worst and she let everyone know that. I was having none of it.
- Luckily, I have friends who warned me of my impending separation, so I was advised to quit before the papers could be drawn up. The bad news is that it’s pretty difficult to receive unemployment insurance benefits if you quit, regardless of the reason. I’ll just go ahead and put my ultimately successful appeal of the denial of benefits in the “other fun activities” column.
- After a year slogging through a fairly hostile work environment, leaving has been a relief but getting healthy has been a slow process. Slower still has been working out what to do for a living now that I’m all grown up. Freelance copywriting seems the most risky tack to take, but I’m gravitating in that direction. Head over to bobtherieau.com and let me know why that’s a terrible idea!
That’s the short version of events. There are some great stories to share from my final days over there, but the holiday season has begun and I hate to do anything that’ll adversely effect their fundraising efforts. After all, I wouldn’t have stayed there for a decade if I didn’t believe in the mission to help people in need of a fresh start. I guess you’re witnessing my own fresh start, so cross some appendages that I can make it a good one.
Your best pal in the whole wide world,
– bob
Birthday Holiday Season! Kickoff! Recap!
[note: the pictures that are supposed to be in this post, and help it make sense, are missing from the server. our crack team of researchers are looking into it and hope to find them very soon. -ed]
Friends,
These are some of the things that happened yesterday as I kicked off my 2014 Birthday Holiday Season. As you know, your own birthday holiday season begins when you receive the first gift, or cake, or card and ends when the last candle is extinguished. Using this time-tested formula for happy funtimes, a given birthday holiday season can last for months—as it should.
Let’s begin with the good news that the football team that I’ve been rooting for in a somewhat ironic way for the past few years actually won the Super Bowl. Why did I choose them as my team? Because they represent the largest geographical area of any major sports team in America that I can think of. Nice old ladies in Alaska are Seahawks fans. People from Idaho to Oregon are Seahawks fans. Becoming a fan of this team seemed logical.
As you know by now, yesterday also marked the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Gifted and troubled, his death struck me in a weird way. I knew that he was a genius and labored under his addictions, but there was one thing that stood out on the day of my birth; he was only 46.
I’ve always found the coincidence of my birthday falling on Groundhog’s Day to be a bit unsettling, mostly because the ritual is pretty damn stupid. It warmed my heart then to find this picture of the new mayor of New York City dropping a groundhog during their own dumb ritual thing.
Here in drought-stricken Southern California, we haven’t seen much in the way of precipitation this winter. That’s bad news for a place like Idyllwild, that relies solely on moisture that falls right here for drinking water the rest of the year. I’m happy to report that we received a light dusting of snow last night and it is currently raining.
And that’s something to celebrate.
Your pal,
– bob
UPDATE: Punxsutawney Dr. Phil, from the Conan program.