punditry – Page 2 – A Jaunty Little Blog

January 9, 2015

Things I Learned While Staring At Trees

Friends,

I was really looking forward to having a respite in 2015 from the nightmare that was 2014. Make no mistake, 2014 was no picnic. I had to quit the job I relied on to get away from an evil boss. Racial turmoil and mass shootings roiled these United States. War, disease and privation made above the fold headlines every single day. Soft media concerned themselves with glossy asses and selfie sticks. Surely, the jackals could take a moment to reflect and step away for a while. This was not to be.

The Paris offices of French magazine Charlie Hedbo were shot up yesterday by Muslim extremists, killing 12 and shocking a nation. This was one of the few publications that republished the cartoons depicting Mohammed published in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten in 2005, earning the magazine a fatwa.

The day before, a chapter of the NAACP in Colorado Springs was bombed, leading to hardly a peep of news coverage. Apparently, this wasn’t fireworks or a gas leak as some have suggested. Rather, this domestic terror attack was intentional, but the outrage machine has been mostly dormant.

The 2016 Chevy Volt was unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show the day before that. One of its key features is the ability of the car to extend to you GM’s “commerce and engagement offering” by showing you ads and offering you coupons when you drive by participating businesses. You can also receive a discount on your insurance via the car’s built-in connection to Progressive Insurance by opting into allowing the car to tell them if you’ve been speeding or doing other naughty things. Hashtag: snitch.

We have also been bombarded in this nascent year with the news that our New Year’s snow storm did not put a dent in California’s drought. which is the worst that has ever happened in the history of forever. We will need, it is supposed, 11 trillion gallons of water to cure this deficit, which is an unimaginable and unattainable number. Therefore, we are doomed.

Or are we?

Okay, yes, maybe we are doomed. What has changed is that we’re being constantly beat over the head with our own failures and our own suffering. The bludgeoning by the media with the cudgel of despair must drive ratings or SEO or clicks or something, but I can see a way to manage the gloom…

Require the media to offer solutions.

None of this “spark a dialog” or “encourage a conversation” nonsense. I’m talking about real solutions. If the drought is caused by too many of those little silica desiccant packs in our packages drying out the air, let’s get rid of them. If the bombers in Colorado mistook the NAACP building for an Arby’s, let’s find a way to get them better maps. If French Islamist extremists don’t understand that cartoons aren’t actually photographs of the prophet, let’s give provide them with a better arts education.

Okay, I couldn’t think of real solutions for any of those problems except for this: Never buy a GM product with OnStar. Ever.

Your pal,

– bob

December 10, 2014

Kate.

Friends,

I listen to a lot of podcasts, which is like radio without the antennas or the static. This week’s Roderick On The Line episode discusses minimalism, go-bags, jeans, trendy boots and ends with a reflection on Kates versus Kats versus Kathryns that I’ve snipped for your listening pleasure.

Of course, you should probably listen to the whole thing if you’re not afraid of a couple four-letter words.

Your pal,

– bob

January 10, 2013

It’s Time To Think About People

A lovely centered picture of a conference room.

Friends,

I attended the American Advertising Federation (Desert Cities, don’t you know) luncheon this afternoon and it was a head-scratching affair. After meeting the advertising bigwigs in the desert, who were all very kind and welcoming, we sat down for lunch and listened to a panel of experts in marketing to the LBGT community. Granted that community isn’t a protected class in the Coachella Valley by the most fanciful stretch of the imagination, but I still have questions. Two big questions…

The lesser of the two, which is the most immediately important to me in my position as the spokesmodel (don’t judge) for the Far Eastern Outpost of San Diego’s Omnipresent Charitable Organization seems unanswerable. Presuming that the LBGT community is as highly political and willing to punish companies that aren’t as LBGT-friendly as the panel claimed this afternoon, how do I as the message crafter for a charity that is only loosely connected to the Catholic church and its dictums against homosexuality appeal to the LBGT community in a meaningful way? (whew! what an annoyingly long, run-on sentence! tighten it up, won’t you? – ed) This question leads to the next question, but stay with me for a second.

The wrinkle here is that if I wanted to try to appeal to the LBGT folks, which I do in a way that I’ll explain in a bit, would that offend the powers that might not appreciate that discussion? Is there a contingent at my workplace that might consider an appeal to people they might consider to be evil (or sinful or damned or the latest epithet) in itself evil?

The statistics trotted out at the luncheon were compelling: more disposable income, more cocktails and less beer (file that away for later), more technologically savvy, more brand loyalty. Some of these statistics are easy to explain while others like the cocktail thing are more difficult, but it’s easy to see why the room was packed with ad guys hoping to glean some insight. They want to sell stuff and need to know that the shirtless plumber ad is too transparent and that the community absolutely doesn’t appreciate pandering.

This is all fine, but it leads me neatly to my second question: When might we not have to tiptoe around everyone all the time? Like every group of people on the planet, there are nice gay people and terrible gay people. Friendly gay people and hateful gay people. Black, white, brown, beige, and pink. There are the same pockets of this and that in every discernible segment of the population, so I really actually don’t get why the “LBGT market” needs any special treatment. “Don’t pander,” the panelists warned. I couldn’t agree more.

Will I get resistance for advertising in Gannett’s Desert Outlook magazine or any of the other on- or off-line LBGT publications from the far-right donors? I imagine so but I’m not sure that I care. I think a lot of people are interested in the story of the Far Eastern Outpost, not just those whose ethical outlook is proscribed by a smaller world view (that I happen to find infuriating, but that’s another post). It’s just people, everybody. Some people will choose to be donors and some won’t. Some will find the things happening at the charity are worth supporting with their time or with their cash and some won’t. I don’t think it has too much to do with who someone chooses to sleep with, do you?

I didn’t think so.

Your pal,

– bob

POSTSCRIPT: Since I’m my own editor (i don’t have the time. i’m working on payroll and we need to have a talk about your lunch penalties. -ed) I’ve been reading this over and making edits for clarity. After pouring over each word, I’m annoyed by the labels. The panelists at the luncheon referred to those of us straight people who advocate and demand basic human rights like equal treatment for everyone no matter who they choose to love as “allies.” Like we’re a special class too. Protecting and supporting our fellows should be the baseline, not special. I’m not sure what’s more annoying; the label or the perceived need for one.

November 16, 2012

The Early Bird Special

A lovely centered picture of a sextagenarian at his job.

Friends,

This is the time of year when our monied elders come out from their summer hiding places in Idaho and Canada and migrate to the Coachella Valley. Actually, the annual migration may serve to empower some who never left the desert. People in the service sector aren’t happy, like the checkers at the upscale supermarket I stopped at yesterday…

A woman who looked like Iggy Pop if he’d stopped working out decided that she’d let everybody in the checkout line wait while she took off to pick out flowers. Her food purchase was pending in the register, so everyone in the queue surely wouldn’t mind waiting out her pokey and painfully deliberative decision-making process. Once she picked her poinsettia, Princess Jerky Treat shoved me aside to figure out how to work the payment terminal.

The checkout clerks looked at me and offered a wan smile and a little shrug that told me all I needed to know—”Sorry about that, but we’ve got to deal with these fragile monsters for the next four months.”

Rich, entitled, poor spacial awareness. I feel for the service industry. They’re gonna hear “be a dear” and will have to comp a lot of soup and breadsticks through March.

Keep a kind thought in your hearts for the poor kids down there who can’t get a job writing reverse mortgages, won’t you?

Your pal,

– bob

November 5, 2012

The Jeep Election

Friends,

This may be the second election in United States history decided by Jeeps. Let that sink in for a second.

If America’s foremost mink hubcap salesman hadn’t flubbed a news story about Jeep expanding back into China rather than saying at a rally in OHIO that Jeep was moving production to China, the state of the race would be very different. Partisans can talk about all of the other ways external forces have sabotaged his campaign, but this was an unforced error. In fact, it was the result of a lack of basic reading comprehension.

Shouldn’t that disqualify you from the presidency all by itself?

I’ll be up all night tomorrow hoping to find out…

Your best pal in the whole wide world,

– bob

August 31, 2012

If You Say Something Often Enough

A lovely centered picture borrowed from a nice person.

Friends,

What? The Republican nominee for president of the United States just said in his acceptance speech at his party’s convention that, among other nonsense, gas prices have doubled since President Obama has taken office. This is among the many things that the partisans have said over the last couple days that are demonstrably false. The fact that these people are spending so much time lying about stuff is really very stunning. These kids can’t win with facts? Well, I guess they can’t win anyway, but they can’t be proud of how they’d spun reality into some weird netherworld that even Peter Jackson wouldn’t touch.

To our suffering friends at the Republican National Convention,

You guys must cry yourselves to sleep with the terror of your terrible nightmare world bearing down. We can help you. There are meds available. They will be affordable for you once the Affordable Care Act is fully implemented. It’s time for us as a nation to eliminate the stigma of mental illness, and we’re here to help you.

Good night, GOP.

– bob

July 2, 2012

Cruelty Proponents Saddened

A lovely centered picture of some refugees.

Friends,

California’s foie gras ban begins today. Some people who are in favor of the forced overfeeding of geese for their enjoyment are pledging to fight against the law. Creepy.

Thought experiment for the chefs: your grandmother was reincarnated as a goose.

How does your fight sound now?

I thought so.

– bob

June 30, 2012

It’s Time To Talk About Presidential Politics

A lovely centered picture that might lead people to think a thing that I hadn't intended.

Friends,

There are nitwits out there who are trying to spin the Supreme Court decision yesterday as a repudiation of the President’s position on health care. Those self-same nitwits choose to double down on the dumb and have decided that “the people” have lost their ability to choose whether or not to obtain healthcare insurance, which isn’t entirely true. You should read something about it to figure that part out, but here’s what has driven me to distraction today:

The Democrats, or at least the proponents of the health care law, seem to have lost the debate already. Everybody I’ve spoken to today thinks that jackbooted thugs will knock down their doors and force them to fill out papers and pay four figures to a government insurance plan. Or nearly everybody. The others think that the law itself has raised rates on existing plans. Neither of those things are true of course, but because the partisans on the left are so damn squishy about hurting people’s feelings in general, the argument is never made.

This is because arguments are so confrontational, right? We don’t want to make people, even those who are clearly wrong and arguably (there’s that word again. -ed) dumb as a bag of hair, feel bad. Everybody’s gotta be happy at the end of the day, don’t you think?

Well, no. They’re either misinformed or regurgitating a party line like greeks at a frat party proclaiming that Mickey’s Big Mouth is the best beer ever before letting loose their stomach contents all over your shoes.

Look, it was the Republicans who insisted that their insurance company donors be made whole by an individual mandate before they would sign on to the no pre-existing conditions and no lifetime caps provisions. So to all of you kids on the right who are losing your shit about this, I urge you to shut the entire fuck up. You broke the bill, so you bought it.

Health care costs have risen since the law was passed so insurers have raised their rates. These costs have risen because pharmaceutical companies, device manufacturers, malpractice insurers, and hospital holding companies among others are charging more now than they ever have. So by the ghost of Walter P. Chrysler, stop with the partisan bullshit. Also, because a very large majority of the people in this country are already insured, they won’t even notice a difference. The people who aren’t insured are very likely to work for or run small businesses who will either get waivers or can enroll in state-run pools for low cost coverage. This enlarged pool of the ensured is supposed to pay for the expansion of Medicaid (or MediCal, for those of us in this particularly golden state) to cover more people, including for the first time, single poor people.

I know that looking after the health of the poor offends a lot of people, particularly in this election year, but I would suggest that those people who are offended take a minute to think. I hear from the right wing partisans that taxes on the rich are bad because someday they might be rich. Let’s say that your fortunes go the other way. Let’s pretend that you end up being the exact opposite of rich. I, and people like me, would like to make sure that you’re fed, clothed, housed and that your medical needs are taken care of. Even though I strongly disagree with your magical economic thinking, I do actually care about your well being. I would very much like for you to indemnify yourself against stratospheric costs should you become ill, but if you can’t afford it, I think we can all get together and help you out until you get back on your feet. This, in a large and still prosperous country like ours, is a very small sacrifice for the greater good.

Because a large minority of the populace doesn’t get this, it becomes an election issue. To my mind, that’s an indictment on the people working for the President who are supposed to be crafting the message, not the issue itself. Yes, yes, yes, little Margaret stubbed her toe and the MRI bankrupted her family. That’s not as sad as a video of a shivering puppy backed by the saddest song Sarah McLachlan has ever sung, so it’s time to change the tune. To wit:

The health of Americans is a national imperative.
It is in everyone’s interest to ensure that the public is healthy.
The productivity of the American economy depends on a robust and healthy workforce.
American businesses lose billions of dollars a year due to sick days.
Our international business competitors rely on government health care as a subsidy to ensure a healthy workforce.
By shifting the burden away from business-supplied health care to individuals, we bolster our global competitiveness.
(I can’t believe I just wrote that. It’s true, but, yikes.)
Our political system will not currently allow for a single-payer health care system, so this is what you get.

Okay, scratch that last one, but we might be able turn the doubters around with the other points, right?

Right?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

– bob

June 4, 2012

Dude, I Flaked

Friends,

There’s the old saw around these parts about moving day in Ocean Beach. You call your buddy with a pickup to help on Saturday morning at the end of the month and he assures you that he’ll show up at the appointed hour. Back when this was an ongoing problem for me, we didn’t have cell phones, so we’d wait around for hours and hours for the guy, then give up and strap furniture to the tops of cars. Days later, when we’d cross paths, he would always give the excuse, “Oh man, I totally flaked.” No apology, just a statement of the obvious.

Today, there’s a hand gesture for that. It’s the old man wave. The one where you’re driving down a country road and pass an older gentleman walking on the shoulder. Should you wave, his wave back is subtle. An acknowledgement, but nothing more than expending the least energy possible to lift a hand to the point where you might see the palm, but probably not. You may even get the closest to zero angle nod that he can muster, but don’t count on it.

I was walking the dog this morning with one of those extending leads that can reel out twenty feet or so. Mme. Puppy Dog was about five feet away when some jamoke in one of those execrable Lincoln LS abominations cut in close around the blind right hand corner where we were standing. The dog’s natural response was to rush out into the street, of course, restrained only by my twirling around, gathering the lead around my midsection. This particular road is a dead end, so he had to turn around and when he passed us coming down the street he gave us the old man wave. In this context, it clearly meant, “Dude, I totally flaked when I went around that corner too fast and almost killed your dog.” Or at least that’s what I took from it. Windows rolled up, still driving too fast, no apology.

I later drove down the hill to the post office, when a woman in a black Lincoln LS (no kidding) full of passengers, backed out of her driveway without looking, 50 feet in front of my Jeep. My stop looked more panicky than it was, since the Jeep’s suspension is very soft and allows all sorts of crazy nosedive during these things. I stopped in time and was greeted with, yeah, the old man wave.

It seems like piling on at this point, but my drive back from the post office involved waiting for an extended period of time for another person to back out into my street and negotiate putting their mid-sized American sedan into Drive to get into a lane. This guy figured it out eventually then offered the old man wave.

Now what you’re thinking is, “This seems pretty minor in the scheme of things,” but it’s not in a respect that I’ll get to a couple posts from now. The thrust of this argument is that piloting two tons of machinery around shouldn’t be considered a casual endeavor. These things are dangerous and require skill and attention. If you’re missing either of those attributes, somebody could really get hurt. “But what about all of the safety devices we have now?” I hear you ask. Those things keep you from, on the whole, getting killed, not from getting hurt. And hurt very badly indeed.

Keep your eyes peeled! More tomorrow,

– bob

June 2, 2012

Thirty Days of Posts: Wherein I Introduce The Project

A lovely centered picture that's totally fair use of a thing that most people will hopefull recognize.

Friends,

Today is the first one of June in the year we’ve all agreed on, 2012. As you most likely are aware, I’ve been letting this field go fallow and, well, dammit, that’s gonna change. Therefore, I vow (not wish, not hope, not sorta) to post something new and interesting (big boast, big fella. interesting? – ed) every single day this month.

If you think that this is some stunt, be assured that it is. It’s a gimmick to trick me into getting back into the habit of making something of this site. I have the opportunity to get a new URL for free for the blog from the nice people at Squarespace (who are not a sponsor, but who will end up hosting the blog at the end of this exercise), so I thought that I should make it worth everyone’s while to actually show up for the switch.

I guess this is the part where I should thank Blogger for their platform all these years. Back in the early 1850s, when I started this, they were easily the most and best and biggest platform to self-publish on the web. I even bought a subscription and labored away during those terrible first years, but as president Zachary Taylor wisely said back then, “You gotta git, son.” So I’m moving away from the Google empire that has treated me well to a smaller and more responsive empire where I get to actually own my stuff from now on.

The topics covered during this month will be old favorites (or favourites, as you say), things that vex me (as usual. – ed), the old cast of characters will make an appearance, and there will be new features that I can’t talk about now. Of course, I can’t talk about them now because I don’t know what they’ll be yet, but they’ll surely be amazing (or amazeballs, as you say).

Check in tomorrow when I’ll make an incredible pronouncement about something very interesting!

Your best pal in the whole wide world,

– bob

August 19, 2011

Well, That Took Long Enough

Friends,

News has come down today that newish Hewlett-Packard CEO Leo Apotheker, in a financial call today, killed the company’s PC and mobile device business (not the calculators! Nooooo!) in favor of their server, software and services business. This, dear readers—even though I’m not at all bitter—comes a little late, don’t you think? Carly’s purchase of Compaq ten years ago cast my life and the lives of my dear friends into a wee little bit of turmoil, so only now I can sit back here in my Secret Alpine Laboratory and gloat a little. But only a little.

I’ve spent the day thinking about how the timeline was damaged by the HP/Compaq merger. We’ve all figured out how to deal with it in the ensuing decade, but what could we have done together if we’d been allowed to continue on an unperturbed path? It’s a fun thought experiment.

Not that I’m bitter,

– bob

August 15, 2011

An Ad Agency Buys A Handheld Radio Manufacturer

Friends,

News came out this morning that Google is buying Motorola Mobility (the smartphone arm of Motorola) for twelve and a half billion dollars. That’s a premium over how Motorola shares were valued last Friday and carries with it, I think, the overwhelming odor of desperation.

Of course, everybody’s making a happy announcement about the sale, like how the synergistic metrics between the longtime global partner teams are now forming a more tightly integrated new paradigm, or somesuch, but doesn’t this mean that Google is now directly competing with LG, HTC, Samsung and all the other Android handset manufacturers? And won’t those same highly valued partners continue to wonder how Google is sandbagging every time an Android release comes out? If this is a reaction to the Nortel patent grab of a couple weeks ago by Apple, Microsoft and others, it seems to me that it’s a bit like putting out a camp fire by urinating on it without warning all the other campers to pull their marshmallows out first.

– bob

P.S. I use the first generation Motorola Droid for work and am as impressed by it as this guy.

UPDATE: Super creepy and eerily similar plaudits for the marriage here. We welcome the news!