snow – A Jaunty Little Blog

February 1, 2023

I Appreciate You

Friends,

It’s the first of February, which is not necessarily notable since it’s an entire day before my birthday, but I’ve got a moment so let’s have at it.

Things have been happening here in America’s 23rd Most Disappointing City (did you make that up? -ed I sure did, but I’m gonna go with it for a while. What could be worse than not being the best at being the worst?). In-laws have been falling and going to the emergency room. Moisture fell out of the sky and filled up the back yard, drowning the lawn. Moisture fell out of the sky over the Secret Alpine Laboratory, which looks nicer…

The security cameras there captured the scene, but I haven’t been there for a solid month. This hurts my heart, to be completely honest. We may go Friday if the in-laws don’t fall again.

Sigh.

Speaking of security cameras, some of them are old and crap, so they need more light. Nowadays, Wi-Fi-connected lightbulbs can provide the needed lumens, but how to tell them apart? I’ve found that giving IoT devices cute names is annoying when issuing voice commands…

“Hey Siri, turn on The Light Colloquially Known As Sir Harriot Blammo VonDinkle”

Instead, I added pictures—and a deep sigh.

Ahh, that’s better.

Your pal,

– bob

January 29, 2021

File Under: Stormy Storms

Friends,

It’s been a little while since I’ve checked in here, so let’s catch up!

The Idyllwild Weather Clam

Our gal has been warning us for weeks from her tidepool that there were several arctic storms queing up over the Pacific Ocean and they’ve dumped their payload. It looks like we’re going to receive nearly two feet of snow by the time this is over later this evening.

That’s a better showing than last year.

Speaking of things that are better than last year…

We’re Not Dead!

Despite the slow rollout of the various COVID-19 vaccines, and the fact that we haven’t received our shots, we’re still alive! By “we” I also mean my entire extended family. This is remarkable and I’m tremendously grateful that everybody’s listening to the science instead of politically-motivated dopes.

Hey! Speaking of the intellectually unencumbered…

The Orange President Lost The Election!

In the middle of a global pandemic, he broke the Post Office, which made it tough on those of us relying on things to be shipped to our homes to avoid crowds in malls. Online retailers and pharmacies couldn’t get goods and medications to customers on time. He warned that absentee voting was a rife with fraud, despite the evidence against that lie. We held the safest and most corruption-free election in modern history, yet he claimed that the counting was rigged and his obvious victory was stolen.

When that didn’t work, he replaced the Secretary of Defense with a sycophant who ordered the District of Columbia National Guard to stand down, then he held a little rally. In his presidential remarks, he managed to whip up his supporters, sociopaths, and other dead-enders into a froth, encouraging them to storm the United States Capitol. While there, they managed to get five people killed and over 100 injured.

Despite all of this, his supporters, sycophants, supplicants and other Republican senators can’t seem to find anything wrong with the 45th president’s behavior. They can’t even seem to bring themselves to admit that Joseph R. Biden Jr. won the popular vote and the electoral collage votes to become the 46th President of the United States.

There’s a word for this. It begins with the letter T.

Speaking of insincerity…

Electric Cars For You and You and You

No really. General Motors has announced that they will stop manufacturing internal combustion engines in the next decade. They’ve said this before and walked it back, so there’s no reason to believe them this time except they may be looking for government R&D funding this time. They’ll probably get it, too.

Speaking of funding…

The Stimulus Debit Card

Is it me, or does the stimulus debit card feel like a weird Steve Mnuchin grift? Have you ever heard of that bank? Did you take the time to register on their site so you could transfer the funds to your bank? Shady.

My Birthday Holiday Season Has Begun!

I received the first birthday card for this upcoming momentous birthday today, thus kicking off this year’s Birthday Holiday Season. In case you don’t know the rules, it begins when you receive your first birthday gift and ends when the last candle is blown out. Some years, it has lasted for months.

No, I’m not complaining.

Yes, I am going to buy a replacement cell phone and invoke a discount that is available to people who reach this arbitrary number.

Yes, I will also try to get discounts based on an AARP membership, because I am a cheapskate.

Yes, I feel fine.

No, I don’t think I’ll keep going.

I hope you’re doing well. Take care of yourself.

More later.

Your best pal in the world,

– bob

January 8, 2020January 9, 2020

A Most Wonderful Time

Friends,

The holidays took a busy turn this year. As in previous years, our trip started in the mountains, dropping our elderly pups at the Damp Dog Lodge so they don’t get under foot and drop our elderly parents at their home in the desert.

With the puppy dogs safely napping in front of the fireplace, we headed down the hill for the day.

We had snacks and ate too much…

…then settled into dinner and ate far too much.

Gifts were exchanged in our gift exchange wherein I arbitrarily raised the spending limit this year, which elicited an audible gasp from my Mom.

When we returned, the snow wasn’t terribly deep. When we left on Boxing Day, the berm created by the snow plows was an obstacle that the definitely-not-designed-for-the-snow Michelin tires could not handle.

I’d say that we had a delightful time over the three days. It was nice to see the family, the hill was resplendent in its winter garb, and except for nearly crashing the Jeep, it was pretty relaxing.

The next week was a little less relaxing. More on that in a bit…

Your pal,

– bob

March 31, 2016

A Bird In The Hand

Friends,

As you may have heard, we’re in the middle of the Spring Hiring Season. What this means as far as I know is that companies have finally shaken off last summer’s hiring doldrums, last autumn’s hiring malaise and last winter’s hiring freeze. It’s a rebirth, if you will (and won’t you please?).

I’ve tried to weather all of those various seasonal shutouts, but the job climate now is very different. Offers have been pouring in over the last several weeks and it’s been hard to keep them straight. One is barreling ahead at full speed, but the one I’ve been hoping for over a bunch of months looks like it might also work out. All I have to do is be patient for another week.

Another. Week.

Surely I can hold on for another week, right?

Right?

Your pal,

– bob

February 4, 2014

Birthday Holiday Season! Kickoff! Recap!

[note: the pictures that are supposed to be in this post, and help it make sense, are missing from the server. our crack team of researchers are looking into it and hope to find them very soon. -ed]

Friends,

These are some of the things that happened yesterday as I kicked off my 2014 Birthday Holiday Season. As you know, your own birthday holiday season begins when you receive the first gift, or cake, or card and ends when the last candle is extinguished. Using this time-tested formula for happy funtimes, a given birthday holiday season can last for months—as it should.

Let’s begin with the good news that the football team that I’ve been rooting for in a somewhat ironic way for the past few years actually won the Super Bowl. Why did I choose them as my team? Because they represent the largest geographical area of any major sports team in America that I can think of. Nice old ladies in Alaska are Seahawks fans. People from Idaho to Oregon are Seahawks fans. Becoming a fan of this team seemed logical.

As you know by now, yesterday also marked the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Gifted and troubled, his death struck me in a weird way. I knew that he was a genius and labored under his addictions, but there was one thing that stood out on the day of my birth; he was only 46.

I’ve always found the coincidence of my birthday falling on Groundhog’s Day to be a bit unsettling, mostly because the ritual is pretty damn stupid. It warmed my heart then to find this picture of the new mayor of New York City dropping a groundhog during their own dumb ritual thing.

Here in drought-stricken Southern California, we haven’t seen much in the way of precipitation this winter. That’s bad news for a place like Idyllwild, that relies solely on moisture that falls right here for drinking water the rest of the year. I’m happy to report that we received a light dusting of snow last night and it is currently raining.

And that’s something to celebrate.

Your pal,

– bob

UPDATE: Punxsutawney Dr. Phil, from the Conan program.

January 1, 2013

Say Goodnight, Time

A lovely centered picture of a time meddler.

Friends,

Thanks for an incredibly odd and frustrating year. I hope that you and the ones you love have a much better 2013.

Much, much better.

Your best friend in the whole wide world,

– bob

December 30, 2012

The Time Stealer

A lovely centered picture of a silly costumed man.

Friends,

It’s the interstitial between THE CHRISTMASTIME and THE NEWYEARTIME and I had many grand plans for this weekend. So I wake up late, as you do on the weekend, and realize that my rat fink traitorous lower back betrays me and thwarts any plans to walk, install brilliant gifts on my slab-sided pickup, or even carry laundry to the washer. Dammit.

You’re surely thinking, “Well then, why are you sitting in a chair writing this instead of laying down?” Because this is the only comfortable place and position to be in at the moment. Even then, it’s not great, but I really do love Ikea’s jesus chair (that they don’t sell anymore, but is kinda like this one) at the moment since it’s very nearly the right height.

Is it the cold, snowy weather? A dog huddling up into my lower back overnight? The fates? Broken osteothings? Maybe something else entirely?

Surely yes.

More tomorrow on the thrilling consequences of these circumstances!

Your best pal in the world,

– bob

December 28, 2012

Terror of The Ice People

A lovely centered picture of ice warriors.

Friends,

The winter storms have passed through and while roads are slippery there isn’t enough snow on the ground in this alpine wonderland to assuage fears about drought. All of the danger, without enough benefit.

It’s impossible to remove all danger from life, of course. Sometimes, you and your buddy waiting at the gas station, might be attacked or your store might be broken into. My hope is that I’ll receive a call from a local institution very soon asking me to write for them. Can this remove all the danger of driving to work? Removing 95 miles from the round trip is a great start.

Please take a moment to employ whatever arcane rituals you think will help. Thanks!

Your best pal ever,

– bob

February 29, 2012

We’re Not Interested In Your Liquid Precipitation

Friends,

Last weekend was one of the warmest and sunniest I recall in February. The birds were angry with each other, competing for the last bits of food laying around, but the gladiolus have started to poke out of the ground. Early spring, right? By 2:00 on Sunday afternoon, the temperature dropped like a stone. Clouds rolled in. The yeti strolled by.

My gorgeous houseguest saw the meteorological writing on the wall just then and made her exit. She’d been worried about the weather predictions coming true right away and rendering her rear-wheel drive pony car little more than a spinning top, but she needn’t have really been concerned for another few hours.

Then, around 6:00 or so, the snow never started falling. It was cold for sure, but nothing—despite the warnings from Johnny Mountain—like the giant Pacific storm that was promised.

Fast forward to Monday afternoon and from noon until 5:00 or 6:00 the next morning, we got a foot of snow. I know what you’re thinking right now (he really does. it’s weird. – ed). Big deal, right? People all over the country deal with this stuff all the time. This is Southern California, so it’s different.

Over the years, I’ve driven through conditions like those of Monday afternoon over and over, but I had no idea that nobody else had. Driving styles ranged from 20 MPH white knuckle terror to bald tire bravado.

Tuesday morning at 5:30, the county Zamboni drivers had worked their magic and made the highway positively glassy. We could’ve contested the Stanley Cup on the perfect surfaces they’d created except for the new snow blowing across the roadway. And the stalled cars abandoned where they landed in the middle of the road.

It’s harrowing, exciting, dangerous and beautiful all at the same time and that’s perhaps the allure of living here. Actual pictures of this Winter paradise to come.

Your pal,

– bob