Filling In The Blanks: What Do You Do All Day?

Friends,

I used to dream about what I would do for a living. Long before viewers fell in love with the 60s misogyny and lung cancer glamorized by Mad Men, I wanted to be a copywriter. I wanted to sit in a bullpen with a group of writers to craft the perfect pitch and build marketing campaigns that resonate. My goal was to use language to convince people to reward my clients with their business. Pretty straightforward.

When I first cultivated this dream, I was monkeying around with 8-bit computers, but I really thought my future looked like a family in New Rochelle, New York.

Some of that happened. Most of it didn’t.

I married the sweet girl. That part worked great. What didn’t was the professional writer part. During my hiatus from this bloggy trash fire, I worked for a global publisher, a county, and a medical device manufacturer. And imagine how surprised I was to find myself eventually working at a university. But not writing. I’ve been spending my time trying to convince users—mostly callers—that they’re not dumb. That the computer problems they’re facing aren’t their fault.

In some of these places, I’ve spent enough time to make friends. Some of these places have only served as waypoints on the way to the next thing. Some didn’t know what the job should be. And some of these places made the job as ridiculous as possible. Couldn’t get hired for the job I dreamt about though, so I’m just going to keep doing this.

Right?

Your pal,

– bob

Everybody Needs A Hobby

A lovely centered picture of a dog on a mission.

Friends,

I’ve been spending a lot of time at lower elevations lately, since the new gig is in a tilt-up concrete architectural afterthought near the Pacific Ocean. That means that Lola gets to spend quality time in the tiny back yard at a sweet girl’s house.

Lola likes to have a job and up in my piney paradise, she kept squirrels away while also fending off incursions by attackers disguised as joggers and hikers. I just assumed that her new vocation involved a coordinated attack on the grass to eliminate gophers.

A lovely centered picture of a dog with a tiny car.

Actually, she’s been mining for Hot Wheels cars. And it turns out that she has impeccable taste. A Hot Wheels #167 Austin Healy is worth some decent cash when they’re in good condition.

A lovely centered picture of a tiny car.

They might be worth a tiny bit less in this condition…

A lovely centered picture of a dog with a car.

It’s a good start though. What a good girl!

Your pal,

– bob

An Ungodly Early Hour

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Friends,

It’s been six weeks, so I suppose I should finally spill the beans: I decided to take a job off the hill and away from my lovely forest. The decision was easy to make since I was as broke as a joke, but it’s been a tough transition and doesn’t seem to be getting easier.

Waking up at 3:30 every morning is beating me up. I don’t know how people do it. The new coworkers in the new office in the new town at the new job are nice enough, but I’m so sleepy that I don’t feel I’m holding up my end of the bargain. Yeah, you read that right. Three-effing-thirty.

Thankfully, a sweet girl I know has been more than generous in playing along with this absurd schedule shift. She’s been a good sport, but she surely must be growing weary of my alarm going off in the middle of the night.

However, I have a plan…

Your best pal,

– bob

Several In The Bush

A lovely centered picture of Quarks
Friends,

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted an update, but what a little while it’s been. Since I last wrote some words here and you’ve read them, I’ve taken a position working for the company that contracts to the company that provides Tier III tech support to an enormous multinational publishing company. The office I’m working in near some flower fields and a small regional airport is staffed with good folks who seem to like each other, which is a wild departure from my last office gig. What is not a departure is that the executives do not seem to know what happens in this office. It’s all a laugh though and I’m enjoying my time there.

This means that I don’t get to see my chunk of forest in person very often, so I’m with you having to make due with the webcam images. All of this could change at any time, of course. The people at the new gig could label me a fraud and a sham, sending me packing. A new company could call and offer me uncountable wealth for agreeing to share small pearls of wisdom with them. A large meteor could strike tiny Aguanga, California rendering the roads impassible (like they need any more grief. – ed It’s just an example.). These are things that could potentially happen, but will they? Probably not, don’t count on it, and surely not.

What I do know for sure is that recruiters keep calling and I keep picking up. At this point, though force of habit. They might have something else for me to do soon, but in the meanwhile, I’m happy to spend my day taking apart Dell laptops and resetting passwords.

Your pal,

– bob

A Bird In The Hand

Snowy Springtime Snap

Friends,

As you may have heard, we’re in the middle of the Spring Hiring Season. What this means as far as I know is that companies have finally shaken off last summer’s hiring doldrums, last autumn’s hiring malaise and last winter’s hiring freeze. It’s a rebirth, if you will (and won’t you please?).

I’ve tried to weather all of those various seasonal shutouts, but the job climate now is very different. Offers have been pouring in over the last several weeks and it’s been hard to keep them straight. One is barreling ahead at full speed, but the one I’ve been hoping for over a bunch of months looks like it might also work out. All I have to do is be patient for another week.

Another. Week.

Surely I can hold on for another week, right?

Right?

Your pal,

– bob

Here’s A Wee Update: Write Something, Dammit! Edition

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Friends,

I’ve been lax about updating this thing lately, but not for lack of something to say. You can see some nonsense from me on Twitter, mostly about politics and pretending to be friends with people I’ve never met. I also spend a certain amount of time feigning outrage about stuff. It’s not healthy to be a part of the Internet Outrage Machine, of course. The more you feed it, the more insatiable it becomes. You’d think that would be unsustainable, but Twitter is selling ads against the furor, so somebody has figured it out.

This leads me nicely (if you do say so yourself. -ed) to why I haven’t been posting lately. The job market has been particularly prickly and as I read the piles of rejection notes clogging my inbox, it’s been tough to build up the will to write. You can only read that you’re no good for so long before you start believing it yourself. “They don’t realize what they’re missing,” and “Maybe it wasn’t the right fit” still don’t pay the bills. You will not find that surprising.

I still think that writing can pay the bills, so here’s a start. There will be much more to come, including a new project that I can’t talk about yet. Thanks for stopping by. I’m excited to get back behind the keyboard.

Your pal,

– bob

We Get Letters!

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Friends,

We get a lot of interesting email here at the Secret Alpine Laboratory, and frankly, a lot of the unsolicited email seems a bit off the mark. I’m sure you’ve seen all manner of come-ons from deposed African princes, for herbal remedies and gadgets claiming to cure all sorts of ailments. This note, however, seems to know all about me—based on exhaustive research!

Dear bob@bobtherieau.com,

I am pleased to inform you that based on your professional background, you have been selected to apply for inclusion into the Worldwide Association of Female Professionals. Our research department nominates a handful of potential candidates based on factors such as your current professional standing, recent accomplishments, honors/awards, published articles, as well as information present on authoritative media outlets, social networks, and professional directories. Based on this, I feel that you would make a fitting addition to our elite network of professional women…

What a lovely honor!

Your pal,

– bob

A Very Bright New Year

A fine photo of my new company car.

Friends,

There is every possibility (not every. infinity’s a big place. – ed), or to be more precise, a very promising possibility that I will receive good news about a new job today. This will allow me to purchase a new commuting vehicle, a picture of which I’ve posted above from the manufacturer’s brochure.

The only difference is that I’m ordering the heated seats.

Your pal,

– bob

Ahoy Thar!

Friends,

The good folks at Mahindra may be getting some press for their purchase of Italian styling house Pininfarina, but what you’re missing is that they’ve revamped the Thar.

What’s a Thar? It should look very familiar to you. Think Jeep CJ-7 with a CJ-3A windshield and a diesel engine and you’re most of the way there.

Or, Thar.

You’re welcome,

– bob

P.S. FCA, the parent of Chrysler and Jeep should hire Mahindra’s agency and fire whoever it is they hired to make this. The video above actually spends time showing what the Thar can do in a pretty straightforward way. I know, it’s weird.

Nothing But Trouble

Apple haterz
Friends,

I wrote this for inclusion in an application package to write for an Apple-centric blog. I haven’t heard back from them, but I thought you might enjoy it. Please also note that it clocks in at 299 words, which seemed important.

Chris, the Time Warner Cable installer arrived early for the appointment yesterday. His detailed tattoos declared his love of mountain biking. His worn and too-large boots showed that he’d been around a while. It was time for me to make the switch from the rural-class DSL recommended by the realtor when I bought the cabin to faster and cheaper cable.

Connections complete, he poked around on his iPad to turn up the service while I poked around on the Mac Mini to see why the network wasn’t coming up. I should at least get a connection to the router, I thought, but Safari protested, “You are not connected to the Internet.” I’ve never used a Netgear modem with this Airport Extreme, but the modem’s lights were all reassuringly green next to the Airport’s ominous orange.

“Oh, you’ve got one of these,” Chris sighed, flipping the Airport around. “I have nothing but trouble with these things.” That can’t be, I thought. Apple stuff just works. After decades of troubleshooting and cussing and fixing PCs and third-party gear, I made an effort to keep my own home network as homogeneous as possible. I need to get actual work done, so only Macs, iOS and Airport will do. I’m all in.

I managed to change the network address settings in Airport Utility and hit Update only moments before Chris took matters into his own hands and pulled the router’s power. “There, that should do it,” he beamed. Green light, connection established, and I was ready to stream the Galaxie 500 deep cuts playlist. If I were a good Apple evangelist, I would’ve told him that the static IP settings weren’t working. Instead, I simply thanked him for his hard work and gave him a positive rating on the survey.

If you have comments, please leave them on your Pinterest or Instagram feeds and I’ll go look for them.

Your pal,

– bob

A Small Business, Man

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Friends,

No, I’m not giving up on finding a commuting for an hour, sitting in a cubicle 9-to-5 job, but the benefits of a freelance career have their appeal. For instance, I can step outside and take pictures. Also, Mme. Puppy Dog isn’t getting any younger, so it’s nice to spend time with her.

The only hiccup is getting new clients, and recurring clients would be nice. Maybe you know someone who needs a press release or a new website or who’d like to start a direct mail campaign. I know someone who can make that happen.

You know who.

– bob

Drought.

 

Friends,

August? Really? It’s been that long?

I can explain…

  • My trip to Hemet, discussed in some detail here, was to deposit the final paycheck from the Far Eastern Outpost of a charity. In the intervening months, I’ve been looking for jobs, trying to keep my house, and other fun activities.
  • “You can’t fire me, I quit,” seems like a lot of fun to say, but actually doing it is fraught with problems. First, I should say that I was, by my reckoning, the fourteenth employee to be investigated at that charity in the last year. By investigated I mean selected for summary judgement and immediate dismissal. It turns out that when the boss tries to impugn your expertise in public, that boss will make sure you’re fired if you stand up for yourself. For instance, I was unable to see into the future to know that the boss’ internet connection in a hotel conference facility on the East Coast might be spotty. Nor was I able to fix that connectivity problem. Therefore, I must be the worst and she let everyone know that. I was having none of it.
  • Luckily, I have friends who warned me of my impending separation, so I was advised to quit before the papers could be drawn up. The bad news is that it’s pretty difficult to receive unemployment insurance benefits if you quit, regardless of the reason. I’ll just go ahead and put my ultimately successful appeal of the denial of benefits in the “other fun activities” column.
  • After a year slogging through a fairly hostile work environment, leaving has been a relief but getting healthy has been a slow process. Slower still has been working out what to do for a living now that I’m all grown up. Freelance copywriting seems the most risky tack to take, but I’m gravitating in that direction. Head over to bobtherieau.com and let me know why that’s a terrible idea!

That’s the short version of events. There are some great stories to share from my final days over there, but the holiday season has begun and I hate to do anything that’ll adversely effect their fundraising efforts. After all, I wouldn’t have stayed there for a decade if I didn’t believe in the mission to help people in need of a fresh start. I guess you’re witnessing my own fresh start, so cross some appendages that I can make it a good one.

Your best pal in the whole wide world,

– bob

Birthday Holiday Season! Kickoff! Recap!

[note: the pictures that are supposed to be in this post, and help it make sense, are missing from the server. our crack team of researchers are looking into it and hope to find them very soon. -ed]



Friends,

These are some of the things that happened yesterday as I kicked off my 2014 Birthday Holiday Season. As you know, your own birthday holiday season begins when you receive the first gift, or cake, or card and ends when the last candle is extinguished. Using this time-tested formula for happy funtimes, a given birthday holiday season can last for months—as it should.

Let’s begin with the good news that the football team that I’ve been rooting for in a somewhat ironic way for the past few years actually won the Super Bowl. Why did I choose them as my team? Because they represent the largest geographical area of any major sports team in America that I can think of. Nice old ladies in Alaska are Seahawks fans. People from Idaho to Oregon are Seahawks fans. Becoming a fan of this team seemed logical.



As you know by now, yesterday also marked the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Gifted and troubled, his death struck me in a weird way. I knew that he was a genius and labored under his addictions, but there was one thing that stood out on the day of my birth; he was only 46.



I’ve always found the coincidence of my birthday falling on Groundhog’s Day to be a bit unsettling, mostly because the ritual is pretty damn stupid. It warmed my heart then to find this picture of the new mayor of New York City dropping a groundhog during their own dumb ritual thing.



Here in drought-stricken Southern California, we haven’t seen much in the way of precipitation this winter. That’s bad news for a place like Idyllwild, that relies solely on moisture that falls right here for drinking water the rest of the year. I’m happy to report that we received a light dusting of snow last night and it is currently raining.

And that’s something to celebrate.

Your pal,

– bob

UPDATE: Punxsutawney Dr. Phil, from the Conan program.

Happy Successful Orbit Day!

A lovely centered picture of an exhausted puppy dog.

Friends,

We’re starting the new year with a whimper, and why not? Someone unhelpfully decided that the Christmas and New Year holidays would be in the middle of the week, messing with everyone’s schedules including Mme. Puppy Dog’s. Of course we’ll regroup over the weekend and provide more content. More! Content!

That’s another way to say, “words.”

It’s going to be a fine new year, everybody.

Your pal,

– bob

UPDATE: Apparently, lots of people hate the term, “content,” so we’ll be using “words” from now on. “Words” and “pictures” and some “video” and some “audio.”

Wait! Come back!

A lovely centered picture of a girly dog spying something very interesting and smelly.

Friends,

I’ve hit my head very hard this evening on the kitchen cabinetry and I’ve surely earned a concussion for the effort. There’s every reason to believe that I’ll be fine, but I’m a little worried that the dizziness and confusion I’m experiencing at the moment signal something much more than a little bump on the noggin.

But that’s boring, so let’s get on with a little housekeeping!

Since I last uploaded something here over a month ago, we’ve had two fire scares. One that prompted the mobilization of over three thousand men and women to beat down the furious blaze that eventually consumed over 27,000 acres, and a smaller one today that was put out fairly quickly through our own corps and the quick attention of neighbors in Fern Valley. In the words of internationally noted photographer Jenny Kirchner on Facebook, “Yard abatement is important.” Indeed it is.

I don’t really have a headache exactly. Truth is, my head feels mostly okay. There’s going to be a bump for sure, but the biggest worry is that I don’t really have a good idea where I am right now. Well, never mind that. On with it…

During the Mountain Fire, I evacuated myself, papers, photographs, and Mme. Puppy Dog to the desert. From our emergency evacuation center in Cathedral City (whose city council has never met a boondoggle it wouldn’t agree to fund in full), we could watch the flames charging along the ridge towards the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway’s Mountain Station. Horrifying. I took pictures, but they’re kind of terrible camera phone shots not worth posting. This one is nicer.

A lovely centered picture of a meadow.

Let’s see, what else happened? I got a new boss at the Far Eastern Outpost of a charity from out west somewhere in a city with a mayor. You know, that mayor. Mayor Headlock, they’re calling him. “Mayor Fingers” is creepier, so I’ll stick with that, since all signs point to him being really creepy.

Sorry, a little confused at the moment. I should get back on topic. Crickets are interesting, aren’t they? 78 degrees in the house, shouldn’t be sweating. Sweating might be bad.

I started installing a new french door on the weekend before guests were to arrive a couple weekends ago. Here’s a tip, all of the locksets you can buy at the hardware store have a defined offset. The offset is the distance between the edge of the door and the center of the lock and most are between 2 3/8 and 2 5/8-inches. You can get shorter deadbolts if you trim down the side of your door to be a lot narrower, but they’re blindingly expensive. You are hereby warned.

Very sleepy all of the sudden. Goodnight everyone.

Your pal,

– bob