This Amazing Year – Page 4 – A Jaunty Little Blog

July 14, 2013

Ain’t That Something?

A lovely centered picture of a lemon lily.

Friends,

We’re holding a festival in this piney paradise to celebrate a spindly and delicate flower that had gone nearly extinct some years ago. Bluegrass bands play, lectures are held and the town is full of people. The organizers even set up a webcam allowing people from all over the world the pleasure of watching a plant grow.

You could say that this is a triumph of marketing, but really it’s about a large group of people in town getting together and doing a thing. It’s still about a weedy little flower, but now it’s a real festival.

Now, about that chamber of commerce…

Your pal,

– bob

March 26, 2013

It’s Time To Talk About A Few Things

Friends,

I’ve been neglecting this fine project lately in favor of upheaval, failed attempts at fighting off illness, and other work to keep this ship of Damp Dog Lodgeness afloat. This barren month or so has been unflinchingly gooey, damp and cold. Hardly the stuff that these entertainments are made of.

Spring, then, seems like just the right time to get back to a regular schedule of writing, so I will.

Until then, you could always follow me on Twitter. Right?

Your pal,

– bob

February 3, 2013

It’s Time To Talk To Your Kids About The Second of February

Friends,

When you think of the second day of February, you may automatically think about rodents. Given the popularity of the 1993 Bill Murray documentary Groundhog Day, featuring a rodent, you could be forgiven this popular notion.

However, concentrating on a common ground marmot, woodchuck, land beaver or whistle pig would tend to take our focus off of what’s really important—that it’s the start of the birthday holiday season. Whose birthdays? I’m glad you asked.

The late Stan Getz was born on the second of February, as were Farrah Fawcett, Christie Brinkley, Brent Spiner and Shakira, as you know. In addition to these luminaries, you’ll be excited to know that February second also my birthday.

I can’t begin to tell you how little I care about the comings and goings of a marmot on this day. In fact, I’m much more excited that it’s World Wetlands Day, if I’m to be honest.

So have another slice of cake…

…or maybe light up another cigar…

…and take a moment to remember the real reason for the season.

Your best pal in the whole world,

– bob

January 10, 2013

It’s Time To Think About People

A lovely centered picture of a conference room.

Friends,

I attended the American Advertising Federation (Desert Cities, don’t you know) luncheon this afternoon and it was a head-scratching affair. After meeting the advertising bigwigs in the desert, who were all very kind and welcoming, we sat down for lunch and listened to a panel of experts in marketing to the LBGT community. Granted that community isn’t a protected class in the Coachella Valley by the most fanciful stretch of the imagination, but I still have questions. Two big questions…

The lesser of the two, which is the most immediately important to me in my position as the spokesmodel (don’t judge) for the Far Eastern Outpost of San Diego’s Omnipresent Charitable Organization seems unanswerable. Presuming that the LBGT community is as highly political and willing to punish companies that aren’t as LBGT-friendly as the panel claimed this afternoon, how do I as the message crafter for a charity that is only loosely connected to the Catholic church and its dictums against homosexuality appeal to the LBGT community in a meaningful way? (whew! what an annoyingly long, run-on sentence! tighten it up, won’t you? – ed) This question leads to the next question, but stay with me for a second.

The wrinkle here is that if I wanted to try to appeal to the LBGT folks, which I do in a way that I’ll explain in a bit, would that offend the powers that might not appreciate that discussion? Is there a contingent at my workplace that might consider an appeal to people they might consider to be evil (or sinful or damned or the latest epithet) in itself evil?

The statistics trotted out at the luncheon were compelling: more disposable income, more cocktails and less beer (file that away for later), more technologically savvy, more brand loyalty. Some of these statistics are easy to explain while others like the cocktail thing are more difficult, but it’s easy to see why the room was packed with ad guys hoping to glean some insight. They want to sell stuff and need to know that the shirtless plumber ad is too transparent and that the community absolutely doesn’t appreciate pandering.

This is all fine, but it leads me neatly to my second question: When might we not have to tiptoe around everyone all the time? Like every group of people on the planet, there are nice gay people and terrible gay people. Friendly gay people and hateful gay people. Black, white, brown, beige, and pink. There are the same pockets of this and that in every discernible segment of the population, so I really actually don’t get why the “LBGT market” needs any special treatment. “Don’t pander,” the panelists warned. I couldn’t agree more.

Will I get resistance for advertising in Gannett’s Desert Outlook magazine or any of the other on- or off-line LBGT publications from the far-right donors? I imagine so but I’m not sure that I care. I think a lot of people are interested in the story of the Far Eastern Outpost, not just those whose ethical outlook is proscribed by a smaller world view (that I happen to find infuriating, but that’s another post). It’s just people, everybody. Some people will choose to be donors and some won’t. Some will find the things happening at the charity are worth supporting with their time or with their cash and some won’t. I don’t think it has too much to do with who someone chooses to sleep with, do you?

I didn’t think so.

Your pal,

– bob

POSTSCRIPT: Since I’m my own editor (i don’t have the time. i’m working on payroll and we need to have a talk about your lunch penalties. -ed) I’ve been reading this over and making edits for clarity. After pouring over each word, I’m annoyed by the labels. The panelists at the luncheon referred to those of us straight people who advocate and demand basic human rights like equal treatment for everyone no matter who they choose to love as “allies.” Like we’re a special class too. Protecting and supporting our fellows should be the baseline, not special. I’m not sure what’s more annoying; the label or the perceived need for one.

January 1, 2013

Say Goodnight, Time

A lovely centered picture of a time meddler.

Friends,

Thanks for an incredibly odd and frustrating year. I hope that you and the ones you love have a much better 2013.

Much, much better.

Your best friend in the whole wide world,

– bob

December 22, 2012

Happy Christmastime!

A lovely centered picture of a Christmas pudding.

Friends,

I say Happy Christmas. This doesn’t ring right to American ears, which is the intended result. When I’m extending a cheerful greeting during this season, I would like people to notice, stop for a second and think. The dissonance makes people notice.

I don’t hear a whole lot about Americans being merry. It’s not a description that’s used very often and I really can’t tell you why. It’s not that we’re moping around, far from it. Visitors from other countries will usually remark that Americans are an amiable people. Affable, friendly, warm, but not merry. Jolly? Save that for our vision of a certain heavyset and hirsute gentleman in a crimson suit. Happy sits there on the upbeat spectrum somewhere between giddy and satisfied for me. A spot where a warm hearth, the golden winter sunset streaming through the windows, and little kids full of too much sugar giggling with delight resides. Happy.

While in the Apple store down near the Festival of Dirt purchasing shiny things for a cute girl I know, the young guy taking my money wasn’t sure what to make of me. I asked an overworked and over-asked woman in the back of the store if she would process my payment and was referred to the table up front with the young guy. “They’re faster,” she suggested. I shared that praise with the young guy, rolling him back a bit. After the gizmos were bagged and my receipt bleep-blorped into my phone, he thanked me with some tenuous corporate approved “Happy holidays!” “Thank you, and Happy Christmas!” I replied. He stopped for a beat and asked, “Hey, that’s English!” “I suppose it is, isn’t it?” as I headed out the door.

I wish you and the people you love a very happy Christmas.

You’ve been through a lot this year and you deserve it.

Your best pal in the world,

– bob

P.S. In other Christmas news, is Mercedes-Benz’s commercial guy…

…supposed to remind us of this guy?

I think the demographics point to yes.

November 5, 2012

The Jeep Election

Friends,

This may be the second election in United States history decided by Jeeps. Let that sink in for a second.

If America’s foremost mink hubcap salesman hadn’t flubbed a news story about Jeep expanding back into China rather than saying at a rally in OHIO that Jeep was moving production to China, the state of the race would be very different. Partisans can talk about all of the other ways external forces have sabotaged his campaign, but this was an unforced error. In fact, it was the result of a lack of basic reading comprehension.

Shouldn’t that disqualify you from the presidency all by itself?

I’ll be up all night tomorrow hoping to find out…

Your best pal in the whole wide world,

– bob

October 10, 2012

An Ideal

A lovely centered picture that made me think about the state of things.

Friends,

This is a shot of the sign on the new Idyllwild Public Library. Built with donations and government money, the new facility is a massive reimagining of the old Coronet dime store and even the facade contains a message: it’s modern, it’s weathered and rustic, and is sited in our little alpine village without being overwhelming. There has been some controversy about staffing, but we love our skirmishes in the letters section of the local paper.

There are no other buildings in this town willing to take such an architectural stand, so it’s doubly important that it’s a library. We’ll have to wait and see if the rustic modernism motif takes off up here, especially since we’ve recently created a historical district designation for most of the core of the town to preserve and protect cabins and tiny shops constructed in the 1940s. Not a lot of chrome to be found except in the hairdryers at the beauty salon.

I’ll snap more pictures when the library officially opens. Aren’t you excited?

Of course you are.

– bob

August 7, 2012

The Most Joyous Night

A lovely centered picture of a lovely landing.

Friends,

I’m woozy. I stayed up way past my bed time to watch NASA drop the most expensive compact car on a planet 140 million miles away and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the feat. The landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars represents the triumph of screwy ideas that help me feel better about the dumb crap we all cook up every day…

Okay, so you’re going to enter orbit with a pie plate on top of a saucer that you need to steer. How about putting a bunch of weights on one end, then spinning the thing around so the wobbly end shifts from side to side, like a wakeboard on the atmosphere?
Rockets are cool and everything, but we’ve gotta slow down. I know! How about the biggest damn parachute ever?
Man, that heat shield is still pretty hot. Too hot for cameras, but we need to see the ground. Blow the bottom off with explosives and let the rover look at stuff!
Crap! Still too fast! Now how about some rockets? Throw the whole pie tin away and fly the rover with a rocket pack on its back!
Rockets? They’re gonna leave an awful lot of mess around. How about dropping the rover from the rockets on cables? (And by the way, I will be peppering my daily speech with, “initiating Sky Crane maneuver” from now on.)
Rover’s on the ground, so that’s nice, but won’t the rocket pack crash down on the thing? Nope! We’re going to sever the cables with explosives! Then we’re going to crash the rocket pack over there. Where? Oh, you know, over there. Safely over there.

And there you have it. Exquisite madness to gently drop a ton of car on another planet. I believe it was Archimedes who said, “Give me a lever long enough and I can move a mountain, give me a big box of explosives and I’ll put a robot on Mars.” Here’s to the lunatics at JPL for a job well done.

Your pal,

– bob

P.S. Next, let’s talk about the implications for us here on this planet if Curiosity finds life on that other planet. Should be fun!

July 14, 2012

The Week Where The People Came

A lovely centered picture in a series of lovely centered pictures.

Friends,

The Damp Dog Lodge is a deceptively large place and can accommodate throngs of guests. With the July 4th holiday falling on a Wednesday this year, the onslaught was more of a trickle, dribbling in all week. It started with a visit from a beautiful girl the weekend before last, my parents stopping by in the middle of the week for a parade, then my sister’s family arrived to cap off the week. In the past, I haven’t dealt well with crowds in my solitary and very secret Alpine hideaway, but over time it seems natural—almost organic, to have a pile of people here laughing together and generally enjoying the place. I almost feel robbed by the randomness of the calendar this year, but there’s plenty more summer left to get people together for happy funtimes. Let’s get on this right away.

While you all are making your travel plans, let’s get on with the picture show!

Here’s another scene from the parade. In this photo, you will see Randolph Mantooth and Kevin Tighe towing the Ghostbusters down North Circle Drive. I had a creepy feeling that the Ecto-1 needed service. Call it a hunch.

You may think we didn’t have bands in the parade, but that’s because you limited your definition of “band” to groups who are marching. We’re here to smash your preconceived notions. Also, thanks cheap oil!

“Vee are from Chermany!” she shouted as she trained her expensive video camera rig at the unwashed yokels gawking at her driver’s preposterous tricycle. She’ll have footage to show her European friends that Americans are weird and perpetually astonished. We now have a picture of her dopey ride to show them exactly why we were astonished.

Robert’s Jalapeño Creme sauce is, if this banner is to be believed, what we always wanted. When he tapes Tums to the jars, I’ll be convinced. I don’t think my esophagus has truly recovered.

These guys make my Mom cry. And by “my Mom” I mean everybody.

I’m going to go ahead and call this a parade float. It was unsponsored showmanship just for the sake of it, which I applaud. I’m going to also go out on a limb and call their display really nutty.

Unflinchingly patriotic, but wow. Just wow.

The Quilting Club had an entry in this year’s parade, as they have for many past parades. This year, however, they quilted their pickup. I don’t know if I’m the first to say this, but I’m kinda digging their winch cozy and I see opportunities here. Hello, Kickstarter!

They at least did a better job of replicating a mid-80s Chevrolet C20 fender than the cheap knock-offs at a cut-rate body shop. (Look, these are the jokes, folks. I will gladly refund the purchase price if you’re not fully entertained.)

This scene is from last weekend, where my niece recreates the historic moment when Teddy Roosevelt threw a saddle on a brown bear and charged up San Juan Hill. As you do.

And this scene suggests my nephew’s adoration of Philippe Petit. Amazing.

One of the sections of the climbing wall at the new playground is called Suicide Rock. In this reenactment, my niece attempts to convince my brother-in-law that all hope is not lost.

And in this picture, I end the post. Thanks for stopping by.

Your pal,

– bob

June 23, 2012

Firemanship!

Click the picture to embiggen.

Friends,

My Mom came across some of my paternal grandfather’s scouting memorabilia and was particularly tickled by this merit badge certificate. Firemanship! Let’s ask the internet if that’s a thing…

fire·man·ship noun \ˈfī(ə)rmənˌship\ : the practice, skill, or occupation of fire fighting

Merriam-Webster wins the boring award. Surely somebody can be more emotionally engaged on the subject, wouldn’t you think? I know! Let’s ask the Alabama Fire College!

The Firemanship I course is designed to provide the student with basic information on fire service organization, the fireground environment, fire fighter safety, the science of fire and fire behavior utilizing classroom lectures and discussions.

Lectures and discussions about fire? Not that interesting for a 14 year old boy in 1921, I’ll wager.

It’s at least worth a merit badge, don’t you think?

Your pal,

– bob