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Would you rather…
follow up your Date Festival appearance with a concert date in Wendover, Nevada
or
trade your REO Speedwagon tickets for Foreigner tickets?
a) The Peppermill Casino welcomes Canada Lube ‘n Tune Franchisees and rock fans!
b) Eh, I’m fairly hot-blooded.
Dude, we’re getting the band back together…
– bob
Would you rather…
have a non-binding food allergy,
or
accidentally make an omelette from stolen Chinese dinosaur eggs?
a) Resolved, we support the crops…
b) Musty!
This will send a strong message to Peter Pan and Jif.
– bob
Would you rather…
be an anonymous coffee station dominating, breakfast-preparing temp,
or
start a NASCAR team to replace the suspended ones in the Daytona 500?
a) Look! If I let you by to get coffee, I might scorch the Hollandaise!
b) I’d like to thank the Gymboree/Starbucks Plymouth Voyager Team…
It’s the most important meal of the day!
– bob
Would you rather…
rule that everyone be should be vaccinated against everything,
or
that everyone must pay attention at all times?
a) It’s combo vaccine for measles, rubella, hiccups, unruly hair, and running with scissors!
b) This ruling discriminates against the poor!
But you can’t innoculate against stupid…
– bob
Would you rather…
be on the wrong end of an Astronaut Love Triangle,
or
purchase everything you need to get rid of the other woman at The Stalker Hut?
a) Day 14, there she was again, in the Russian Astrophysics Module…
b) A wig, a knife, BB pistol, latex gloves, a steel mallet, and several feet of rubber tubing
Can’t we just be friends, until the supply module arrives?
– bob
They said they’d be back and they didn’t disappoint. My neighborhood Jehovah’s Witnesses (BTW, hasn’t witness testimony been proven to be unreliable? But I digress.) came back while I was splitting more firewood. No avoiding them this time…
- Son Of Lurch: Hey Bob, you’re married (oh, this is rich, already. – ed), you’ll be interested in this article…
- Me: Um, okay. The Watchtower, eh?
- SOL: So, Bob, if you had questions about your marriage, who would you ask?
- Me: Um, nobody?
- SOL: No! You’d ask the person who conceived of marriage! Maybe this scripture passage will help…
- Bit from Genesis: “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”
- Me: Well, that’s neat. It’s like recycling.
Both Son Of Lurch and Bob Hoskins were flabbergasted. The latter saying, “gosh, you sure say some interesting things” with a nervous chuckle.
“Well, what’s good for the bottle is good for the rib. Right fellas?” “Um, we should be going now…”
Mission accomplished. Get it?
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
be stranded in your van on the Isle of Man with Stan Chan and a can of flan,
or
stammer and stutter making your case for peanut butter?
a) Did I ever tell you about sinking my sampan off the coast of Japan?
b) Him? He’s an old nutter!
Where did you get that nice suntan?
– bob
Friends,
The festivities continue, with this video which thoughtfully adds documentary evidence to the ages-old debate:
Should Hot Wheels be blown or juiced?
(warning: link to myspace page)
I post, you decide.
– bob
(via BoingBoing)
Would you rather,
be someone who just goes to work everyday—on a spaceship,
or
add portamento to your vibrato?
a) I’m originally from Iowa.
b) I’ve always enjoyed Lithuanian silk underwear music.
Oh look, here’s the new guy. Johnny Titanium Lunchpail.
– bob
Party goers!
Sure, it’s my birthday, but you get the presents!
I laughed so hard that I nearly drowned in a mouthful of Blue Machine.
Your pal,
bob
(link from Hot Johnny and All of His Pants via Tim Blair)
Friends,
Mr. Flu Bug has darkened my doorstep, just in time for the beginning of my birthday holiday season. Um, yippee?
This is not so fun.
– bob
Would you rather…
enlist with your Chinese buddy in the Irish Army,
or
go on a press tour of the Alps in identical 1978 GMC Caballero pickups?
a) Travel to far-off places, like County Mayo.
b) Ja! Ich liebe smokey burnouts!
I can’t understand either of them.
– bob
Would you rather…
upgrade to Windows Vista Ultimate Home Professional Extreme Service Pack 2,
or
stick with your trusty Windows 3.11 for Networks machine?
a) I’m waiting for the patch to come out.
b) “Device Floppy Drive A:/ is full. Try again?”
What do you mean it’s been hacked already?
– bob
Would you rather…
publish a community newspaper during your breaks at Hemet Video,
or
apologize to the nation for the poor quality of your web video?
a) My ol’ Pappy once said, “Publishing a magazine is a lot like eating a bicycle…”
b) I can’t vote for anyone that pixelated.
Where do you start?
– bob
Neighbors,
It’s lunchtime. There’s a breakroom with a teevee in it. That teevee has basic cable.
On Friday, The Discovery Channel was (re)playing the Steve Irwin/Junior Cousteau deep sea prelude to the manta ray snuff film. They’re handling a poisonous fish, Steve’s diving in his outback outfit and scuba gear (god love the aussies), they’re goofing around, when the registered nurse finishing her lunch blurts:
“Wow! That’s from when he was alive!”
Um, yep.
– bob