No-wax, easy maintenance, bacteriostatic, and anti-slip.
Oh, That End Is Up
Would you rather…
be so good looking that even the good looking people are jealous and ignore you,
or
the lovable village idiot?
a) Oh sure, you think you’re so great…
b) Kid, if I were you, I’d consider politics.
You just can’t get a break,
bob
Now That’s Just Paranoid
Would you rather…
each exhibit at the zoo is accompanied by a live 30-second commercial,
or
be suspicious that everyone who calls you is selling something?
a) “To find out what was just thrown at you, call for this kit…”
b) If you were really my Mom, you’d know your maiden name…
Operators are standing by,
bob
So, Where Have You Been?
Funny you should ask. I’ve been working on the phone system at the Omnipresent Non-Profit Charitable Organization, looking for a real job (thanks Mike!), getting the gizmos to work with each other, fixing the newer Jeep (the old Jeep doesn’t really need any fixing, thank Jah), and arranging arrangements for Thanksgiving.
The phone system is being constructed on schedule by our vendor. The only problem is that I can’t get anybody’s attention to approve things that need to be approved when I need them approved. Things like phone tree scripts for instance. But hell, it’s not like that’s very important. Remember, I’m just some idiot temp—um, contractor.
By the way, if more of you know of a job that might be good for me (you know, intellectually challenging in a positive, progressive company that doesn’t mind spending good money for good work), please send an email. Won’t you?
Okay, so the little iBook can be (and is at the moment) connected to the Innernut via WiFi, so what’s the deal with using a cellphone as a modem? Because I can, or at least I should, and I used to. Something happened to the Moto T720 that kept it from connecting to Verizon’s network. I installed the modem script, bought the official Motorola USB cable, and had connected—once. After an hour and a half with tech support last night (“we don’t support Macs,” “that is beyond my level of technical expertise”), we finally figured it out. Get this, I had to get to the Programming Menu (press Menu, then 073887*, then your Security Code) to reset the data rate to the standard, piss-poor 14.4 Kbps. All is well, but it begs the question. Why?
Because I paid for the functionality, that’s why.
Beyond that, I finally bit the bullet and decided to synchronize the phone’s phonebook with the little iBook. I’ve been worried about doing this for a while and it turns out for good reason…
The phone’s book has become really, really crowded. Over 150 contacts are now in there. Anyone I’ve ever bothered to enter into the Palm over the last five years or so is now represented in the phone, so if I don’t call you, I hope you understand. I can’t find your phone number anymore.
And more on the “I seem to have finally figured out electrical things” front; the short in the Jeep Grand Livingroom appears to have been resolved. You know, the one that manifested itself in a horrible howl through all the speakers whenever I drove over a pothole? I bought a Blaupunkt stereo a couple of years ago online from Crutchfield (dangerous place, don’t go there. trust me on this) with the intention of installing it myself. They provide the install kit with the purchase, so I figured “why not?” Everything was fine for a year or so, then the short appeared. Briefly at first, then more regularly. Something had worked loose and I was determined to find it this weekend. The acid test was today on the way home from work. Same dip, no buzz.
The pessimist in me still thinks it’s only a matter of time. Rotten pessimist.
Your best pal in the whole wide world,
bob
And more… The Thanksgiving plans have gone according to my evil plan. It’s a simple one actually. I want to stay at home. What’s the downside? you ask. We’re cooking. Cleaning, and prepping, and moving furniture, and prepping some more, and cooking, and entertaining twenty five people or so, and feeding them, and picking up, and cleaning up, and then going to bed. It’s going to be a good crowd. My folks are coming, which will be a first. My sister, my nephew, and his Dad will be coming—also a first. And the in-laws. Nearly half of them will be in attendance (they account for the remaining twenty, if you were counting).
I’m really looking forward to it, and yes, it’s worth it.
If You Say So
Would you rather…
mince words,
or
pussyfoot around?
a) Not exactly bad-bad.
b) Well, um, sure, I guess.
If that’s okay with you,
bob
I Told You Never To Call Me Here
Would you rather…
gravity increases threefold at 12:40 p.m. PST today,
or
mistake the calls on the mobile phone implanted in your ear for psychosis?
a) Heavy.
b) The voices told me to refinance my mortgage.
Right on schedule,
bob
Tonight We Eat Like Administrators!
Would you rather…
have your life turned into a sea story by a sad and lonely Navy Chief,
or
have insufficient rights on your home network to use the microwave?
a) I’m not kidding, this really happened…
b) Item ‘cheese sandwich’ is locked or in use.
You need to get out more,
bob
Write What You Know
If that were the guiding principle here, the page would be all design-y borders with a big blank space in the middle. Maybe I’ll just write what I’ve seen over the last few days instead. I don’t actually know what’s happening, but that has never stopped me before.
But let’s get the greetings out of the way first:
Welcome Question Refugees!
As I’ve whined elsewhere, not only has my Lovely Writing Partner abandoned the Question Project, but now My Beautiful and Talented Bride™ has as well. We all used to work together over an instant messaging service to cook up a question for your consumption every weekday. My partner would send out email to a group, a task I now handle, and the missus would post to a special companywide bulletin board.
She stopped doing that as of a week or so ago.
She has sent folks here today for their Question fix. I’m glad so many of you decided to visit, and I hope you’ll stick around for some more stupid crap. Henceforth, only from the keyboard of me. I promise to continue the tradition of ill-considered, half-baked nonsense though, so you can stop worrying that anything of substance will change.
[begin rant] Not that I’m bitter that everyone bailed or anything. Circumstances change and I understand that. It was certainly getting much more difficult to get everyone together to collaborate, but still, geez.[end rant]
404 The TLAs
I’m the primary contact at the Omnipresent Non-Profit Charitable Organization for the company installing our new phone system. That’s just fine in itself. I’ve developed a rapport with the programmer who is trying to make the new gizmos retain at least as many functions as the old gizmos. (by the way, they’re not phones, they’re “sets.” get it straight, bub)
Even this wouldn’t be a problem if we knew exactly what the old system actually does. Which numbers ring where? Who can pick up what line? Who is prohibited from picking up what line? What happens when the fax machine tries to get an outside line?
And I’m asking people these questions who don’t know what the right buttons on their mouse does (before the snickering begins, Macs can have two-button mice too. you end up with a control-click unless you change it to do something else, like do all of your work faster in a more stable operating system environment—but I digress.)
The information I need to plan the functions of the phones is trickling in, mostly in the form of a panicky phone call to my boss whenever I publish a new, new revised phone list. By the way, the new system goes live at the end of next week. My contract with said charity ends a week after that.
Happy dialing kids!
Your pal,
bob
Not Enough Indians
Would you rather…
receive an executive title solely to inflate your self-worth,
or
run the chutney concession on reservation land in New Mexico to accommodate errant immigrants from Bombay?
a) Executive Vice President of Mopping the Floor In the Upstairs Bathroom
b) You want persecution? Just look at the price of mangos!
Too many chiefs,
bob
Call Doctor Stu, Babe
Would you rather…
keep a loaded flintlock rifle under your pillow,
or
undergo more plastic surgery than Cher?
a) Click!
b) No, I think it looks very natural…
Bang bang,
bob
Steamed
Would you rather…
emigrate from the old country with a dream of one day growing potatoes,
or
that you spouse tells wild lies about you at parties?
a) Ah, lovely pertayters…
b) Oh, you just wait…
Boiled,
bob
Den Beste Does It Again
The Captain of USS Clueless has created an animated GIF (click on “an animated GIF file”) that compiles progress maps of the fires in San Diego County and animates them for your viewing pleasure (or horror, in my case). Disagree with his politics if you want, but his ability to distill information down to understandable and usable nuggets is what qualifies him as a genius.
So forehead-slapping obvious, but why didn’t anybody else think of that? Because he’s clever and we’re not, that’s why.
Your pal,
– bob
An Eye Patch Should Do The Trick
Would you rather…
your company’s HR Department takes over the Halloween party,
or
be consumed by evil spirits because your costume wasn’t convincing?
a) Join us from 10:00 to 10:30 in the Activity Room.
b) Oh please! You drew on that beard…
Have fun at the Harvest Festival,
bob
God Save Save Save Save The Queen
Would you rather…
purchase a live performance of a single song in your home for 99 cents while shopping online,
or
demand a refund when the band doesn’t reproduce the skip on your CD?
a) “We love you 4725 42nd Street! Good night!”
b) That’s not how it goes…
I get around,
bob
Tense and Nervous
Would you rather…
light a signal fire while lost during a hunting trip into the backcountry,
or
be the officer in charge of protecting the hunter from angry mobs?
a) I saw it on “MacGyver” once.
b) We’ve got a safe house in Julian…
I can’t relax,
bob
What People Can Do
I’m going to break a rule of mine and tell you where I work. Initially, I was going to write some cute thing about a “friend of mine,” but that seemed increasingly dumb the more I thought about it.
I work in the I.T. Department at Saint Vincent de Paul Villages, supporting the computers, phones, and other gizmos that help those who deal directly with those less fortunate than ourselves do their jobs. Instead of fiddling with computers, I’ve spent the last two days assisting the warehousemen accept donations from the public, and loading those donations into trucks to be dispersed throughout the county. Restaurants delivered freshly-cooked food. Individuals brought everything from soap to blankets to clothes to more food. Civic groups brought their own donation collections to us for distribution.
We’re not only distributing food and clothing to our own shelters around the county, but also delivering necessities to the other shelters and evacuation points. Follow the link above if you have something to donate, but here are some tips:
There’s a lot more stuff that they can use, especially cash to keep the trucks rolling, the barbeque grills hot, and those perishables cold.
For pictures from neighborhoods throughout the county and lists of links, go see Citizen Smash, San Diego Blog, and Science Meets Art.
There, I feel much better now.
Your pal,
– bob
P.S. If you were thinking of sending me donations to forward to them, I’m all for it. I can’t give you a receipt though. Everything that goes in the Amazon Pity Box from now until….oh, let’s say November 15th…goes to the fire fund at Saint Vincent de Paul. Sound okay?
UPDATE: This is pretty neat for me. Network World Fusion mentioned this post in their compendium of the week’s events. Does that mean that I’m pretty important? Only if you wish to believe that (and I won’t stop you).