Tag: cars

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Breakdown Season – UPDATED! AGAIN!

Unloved.
Friends,

I’m anticipating a pretty decent snow season this year, so I headed down to the Festival of Dirt to obtained new, non-bald tires. Yesterday, Costco’s tire center gave me the business suggesting a two hour wait after work. I called shenanigans on that idea on the puppy dog’s behalf. She expects her cheap cuts of critter in sauce over kibble at a specific time—well before that job would be done.

Naturally, I took two hours off of work to be first in line at the tire center today. You would assume this because they made me mad yesterday and I’m nothing if not petty.

Costco sent out a coupon book that offers $70 off a set of four, but good gravy are they expensive. I bought the tires, bought some pizzas for the coworkers, and got out. Add a tank of gas to that. Where are we? Six hundred or so?

Then, on the drive home, the engine in the Jeep dies at speed. Dead. Power steering, gone. Power brakes, gone. I coasted into the Mountain Center Post Office parking lot and managed to stop (not assured, btw) before hitting the life-sized fiberglass cow. So I whistled the alert to the passing tow truck, he stopped to ask about the problem, then soon returned with a flatbed.

So there she sits. The once mighty Jeep Grand Livingroom, now just pile of useless sheetmetal, with a new set of tires and a broken wheel stud (thanks Costco!), parked in the middle of my driveway.

I have a thought. Maybe the check engine light is burnt out…

Your pal,

bob

UPDATE: Back about fifteen years ago, you could pull codes from engine management computers by flicking the ignition switch back and forth a couple times. OBD-I, everybody. It’s kinda neat to see what the computer thinks is wrong (“too much speed!”) and armed with that information (“engine too fast! yikes!”), I concluded that the problem lie in the crankshaft position sensor.

Aftermarket, I do detest thee...
Now that Fiat doesn’t necessarily care too much about the old cars Chrysler used to make (“too old!”), the aftermarket has caught up and has deigned to reconstruct the vital life-giving sensors to keep old Jeeps alive. Witness this very fragile crankshaft position sensor. One has failed before on the thing, so there’s some history. This tiny tube with the three-wire pigtail is almost a hundred dollars. What’s our tally now?

ANOTHER UPDATE: Oy. That thing is really hard to replace. It’s in one of the toughest places to deal with. The sensor is under the firewall cutout for the bellhousing. My forearms are torn up but the sensor has not been replaced yet. Cripes. Maybe I should take Monday off to get the thing done.

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Two Big Birthdays

I'm going mad just thinking about it.

Friends,

On this day in 1981, International Business Machines introduced their first PC, the IBM Model 5150. Information technology professionals may recognize the number 5150 to stand for involuntary psychiatric hold, which allows qualified clinicians to involuntarily confine techs who have gone mad while working on IBM PCs.

I'm dizzy.
This is also the 100th anniversary of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. A place where people have been known to go around the bend.

Stay sane, people.

– bob

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The Loyal Opposition

Destroy!Friends,

I follow the news pretty carefully and I think I know something about stuff like Cash For Clunkers. I’m generally against the program since it means that tomorrow’s classic cars are heading for the crusher, but a friend of mine on Facebook asked a simple question that seemed right up my alley. Here’s the transcript of a simple thing that went horribly wrong:

[Original Poster Friend] Has anyone taken advantage of the Cash for Clunkers program? I’m thinking of buying a new car this week.
9 hours ago · Comment · Like

[OP Friend #1] my buudy [redacted] just did it…aloota paperwork but pretty darn cool…they really do give good deals, i guess…
9 hours ago

[OP Friend #2] My friend up the street just got a new “Flex” from Ford using the program. He got $3500 for his clunker…
8 hours ago

[Nutso Dude] I only have a 2007 Honda to trade in and I wouldnt buy an American Car because they are shi#, I am sorry, but The Japanese and the Germans and everybody else make better cars then USA, my first Car was an Oldsmobile, but now I stick with Japanese and German Cars. If we built better cars and our Unions weren’t so greedy, American products would be # 1 again and I am sorry they arent even on the list anymore- Hate to sound negative, but We need to get back to the basics that made us great, Pride in our work,Great Products, and Loving our Country, those 3 things will make us great again!!!!
7 hours ago

[OP Friend #3] He makes sense but, I do believe that Japanese cars are also included. Get yourself a Prius.
7 hours ago

[OP Friend #4] Better go quick before the $$$ runs out!
5 hours ago

[Me] Wow. [Nutso Dude] is really wrong about the domestics. Go shop Ford and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. What are you going to trade in?
3 hours ago · Delete

Okay, that’s not so bad, I think. I called the guy out, but I was contributing to the discussion—except I started something…


[Nutso Dude – since deleted] Hey Bob, Why would You say I was wrong? Why is GM tanking? Why is Hummer almost obsolete?? Why cant American Cars compete with Japanese cars like Honda and Toyota?? When was the last time You bought a pontiac?? How about a buick?? Bob, I think You are really wrong about American Cars. why would they have to trick You into buying new ones?? Because they suck thats why !!!! Cash for Clunkers is a program that is another scam by The Obama Administration to make it look like people actually want American cars.Do me a favor Bob and Don’t flag me down When your Ford craps out on You and I am driving my Honda by You, because I will give You the finger and tell You to Buy a Honda next time moron !!!
GO YANKEES !!!
OBABAYOMAMA NO MORE!!!!

Things are going badly here. I haven’t modified the spelling or the grammar, so at this point I think it could be a joke. Poorly executed, but a put-on nonetheless. Sadly, Dude continues…


[Nutso Dude – also now deleted] My last statement I said with a lot of love-imao I wasn’t trying too sound harsh !!! Well, maybe a little-lol

Okay. Some love. This is settling down nicely. New comment is posted…


[More from Nutso Dude – deleted] Sorry about the last statement, But I usually dont say to somebody that they are wrong, because the conversation goes negative right from there. I usually say I disagree with so and so, because I think this and that, so excuse me for educating Bob on why we disagree with regard to American Cars.

I’m sure I needed an education on cars. Clearly I needed an education on Facebook etiquette. I should’ve let it go, but no…


[Again, Me] Gosh. That was a little flamey. Personally, I own two old Jeeps to get around in the snow and a used Miata to drive up and down the hill because it’s fun (but not trouble-free). I’ll stand by the Ford recommendation only because I’ve read that they have nice, reliable products out there right now. A VW Jetta TDI wagon would be a mileage and space champ though. Also worth a look.

There we go! I’ve offered my advice and I’m out. Wait! The crazy continues…


[But wait, more from Nutso – also deleted] I am retracting what I said about American Cars, because I have been a little too confrontational lately on Facebook. With that being said, I just want to say Bob that I think that Obama is a Muslim pig that is a racist and is really the White Mans Bitch, because he only works for Teddy Kennedy and the rest of the Pu$$y Ass Liberal Fa#S in the Deomocratic Party,they dont let him make the big decisions, he only gets to play President, if thats sounds too Flamey for You Bob, I am sorry, I am a New Yorker, not some liberal, Butt Pirate from California who loves everything that Obama stands for. Good Day to You Sir!!!!!!!!

[It gets better. More from Nutso – deleted from original post] Bob let me simplify, You go and spend Your $$ on a Ford and I will drive my 2007 Honda Touring Edition and Lets see where it gets us in 5 years. Your Muslim Buddy Obama is killing our country little by little, not only is the Stimulus package doing nothing, but now we are spending tax money to take off the price of American Cars?? Is that right ?? Bob, it wasn’t flamey what was said, I think You are a Flamer !!! So dont hate Bob, love that fact that I make Great money and I am willing to pay taxes so Your Malotto President and first Muslim in Chief can give all of our Money to people who don’t spend it here, they ship it back to their home countries. Man, I have met some stupid people in my day, but Bob just made me realize why We have a community Organizer for a President and that is some people in America just dont care !!!

Really? The rant is amazing, as you can see, but my faith in humanity has been restored a little in that the posts I note as deleted have been removed from my friend’s page. “A little too confrontational” doesn’t begin to describe this flaming hot mess. If this is a common sentiment around the country, we’re in big trouble.

Huge trouble.

– bob

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Yellowstone Lesson For The Day

Yes, I'm recycling.
Friends,

One of the most entertaining parts of the trip was a lesson in the wisdom of the crowds. Once in the park, people feel free to stop their vehicles whenever (and I mean whenever) they see something neat to photograph. The passengers pile out, cameras in hand, and take happy snaps. Then then next car comes and also stops, presuming that the driver of the first car must be on to something. Once the third car arrives, the sighting becomes an event. Now everybody stops to see what all the fuss is about. All of the passengers of the all of the cars begin to mingle “Did you see that? That was amazing!” fills the air.

It’s like a tiny festival on the side of the road that I believe should be recreated more often. I propose that you keep a camera in the car and stop to take a picture whenever you see something interesting. Maybe you’ll attract a crowd…

Couldn’t hurt.

– bob

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It Only Took 40 Years To Lose The Plot

Friends,

Why are the Big 3 Detroit automakers in such dire straights? It’s marketing, of course. In 1967 American Motors was sitting pretty (oh, that’s debatable, isn’t it? – ed Leave the Matador coupe out of it.) and having fun. How much fun? This much…

1967 Rebel, isn't it?
Sure, it’s a lovely car, but what’s happening in the background?

Yeah, that'll sell it.
Like a rock? Not really. Dodge boys have more fun? Not likely. Would you really rather drive a Buick? Please. Certainly not your father’s Oldsmobile. Can you see Government Motors or Fiatsler (Chryslat?) doing something like this? Wait, doesn’t Chrysler own the AMC intellectual property assets?

– bob

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This Amazing Year – The Death Of Pontiac

Stock photo, but the right color!Friends,

It looks like General Motors, in a last-ditch effort to extend their line of guvmint credit, have made the decision to kill Pontiac. “See! We’re really trying! …to completely ruin our company! Happy now?”

Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be a current Pontiac model (except the G8, oops) that’s actually unique in North America. Mom’s Pontiac Torrent, for example has sisters at the Chevrolet, GMC, Saturn and Suzuki dealerships. She’ll get parts during her government-sponsored warranty, and that’s good for all of us. No, really. You wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of Mom and a warranty claim. If you’re Steve Rattner, the head of the President’s Automotive Task Force, you may be under investigation for your private equity shenanigans, but your secretary isn’t paid enough to deal with the angry phone calls should the Torrent have a misfire. Just sayin’.

But you cats are the best and brightest, right?

Right?

– bob

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Normal Programming Resumed

Friends,

I’ve returned to my piney paradise from a city that can best be described as immediately pre-apocalyptic. It’s a study in contrasts!

A lot has happened while I’ve been in a news blackout. “Red Ink” Rick Wagoner was punted from the corner office at GM and the Dodge Boys are going to learn how to have more fun in Italian. Also, the European debate team will be having a friendly discussion about economic policy during the meeting of the G20 in London by storming the Bank of England. On top of all that, the Justice Department has dropped their case against Uncle Ted Stevens!

Should your faithful Indian guide put his ear to the ground, he will likely make out “four riders, coming from the North…” Not too late to turn around, kemosabe.

– bob

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Weekend News Thing

Friends,

It’s a lot colder here than it was supposed to be. Our delightful Idyllwild Weather Clam had it right with temps much colder than the national media, but would I listen? No!

This is because I am dim. Guilty as charged.

You’ll also notice that I have no new news to report, except that the Task Force members have landed in Detroit to check in on General Motors. Are their plans going to lead to profitability? Only if they get a few more billion dollars.

In my informed opinion, they need to get scrappy! Take a lesson from the boys from Kenosha (pre-Javelin Matador Coupe, trust me)…

What would you do?
Think about it for a minute.

– bob

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The Auto Industry Is Fine, Nothing To Worry About

Di Salvo's American Motors - courtesy Hemmings Blog
Friends,

In case you’ve missed out on the fun carnage in the American automotive industry, the dreadnought that is The Truth About Cars has been on the case. Could it be worse than Fiat buying 35% of Chrysler with no money? Yes!

  • Former Beijing Jeep getting loans from the City of Beijing to buy Chrysler? Vipers flooding Tiananmen Square coming soon.
  • The United Auto Workers agree to take an equity stake in Ford rather than cash to fund their health care trust. To save costs, analgesics will be mixed in the paint. If grandpa gets a headache, he’ll have to lick the Mustang.
  • Some old guy thinks GM should go bankrupt. Condemns unions for not planting apple trees now for workers to sell on street corners later.

I even heard a discussion on NPR today about whether America even needs a domestic auto industry. Astounding.

– bob

UPDATE: Added link to Warren Olney’s To The Point program from yesterday. Who needs a Stairmaster when this’ll get your heart rate right up there?

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This Amazing Year – Keeping Up Appearances

Friends,

You surely know by now that the domestic automobile industry is in shambles, with players scrambling for any advantage. General Motors has taken to raiding their employee pension funds, for example. Ford has mortgaged its headquarters building on top of the blue oval logo itself. Chrysler, the company that bought American Motors, has been seeking a partner. Renault, the firm that helped finally kill American Motors in the first place over two decades ago, has recently rebuffed Chrysler’s advances. So what is Chrysler to do?

They will have to team up with a well-known brand, famous for its quality and workmanship. A company that Americans will instantly associate with value for money and attention to detail. Clearly, that partner is Fiat!

Fiat burning. Courtesy Auto Express magazine.

Oh. Uh oh.

– bob

Credits: Photo courtesy Auto Express magazine, via Kausfiles. Thanks Mickey!

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A Different Kind of Jaunty Auto News Roundup!

Boo hoo.Friends,

There are a couple news tidbits today that seem related somehow. First is the devolution of General Motors (or american leyland if you prefer. – ed). Saturn dealers and owners received notice that the brand won’t be killed, but GM won’t be making any cars for the subsidiary after 2011. “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here,” might’ve been an appropriate closing line. Now the Saturn dealer network is banding together and looking for another manufacturer to make Saturn-branded cars for them.

Also in the news is word that Saab, the Swedish GM subsidiary, has applied for protection from its creditors. Before GM bought Saab in the 80s, the company, frankly, made cars for nutjobs and retired college professors in Vermont (same thing. -ed). The word down on the street in Trollhaetten is that Saab would like to be spun off from the mothership. If they do spin off in the next year or so, they might start looking around for a dealer network in the United States to take over North American sales. If only some group had the floor space, a good reputation with customers, and the ability to move quirky, low-volume cars…

– bob

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Time For Fun – Caption Contest!

Howdy Jeepers,

I’ve been traipsing about again in the Life Magazine photo archive on the Googles and stumbled on a series of shots of a Jeep trip taken some time in the 50s. Fun? Are you kidding?

A fine picture of a really fun Jeep trip gone wrong...
Apparently, somebody up ahead has broken down and held up the entire line. The yahoos who aren’t staying on the trail (Tread Lightly, you bastards) seem confused. Lots of cowboy hats are in evidence, but strangely, no hoods are up. Are these really Jeeps?

Your captions are welcome in the comments. The best comment will win a cabinet-level position in the Obama administration.

Your pal,

bob

UPDATE: MSNBC’s First Read blog notes this morning that Agriculture, Education, Energy, HHS, HUD, Labor and Transportation are still vacant, so please also list which department you’d like to run with your photo caption. Thanks!

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Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! – Dumptruck Edition

Friends,

The political theatre provided by Rick “The Rick” Wagoner of GM, Bob “Orange Apron” Nardelli of Chrysler, and Alan “Why Am I Here?” Mullaly of Ford at this hour seems to have secured their respective companies loan guarantees from the government.

A fine Chrysler product. (sigh)
Not TARP money, because the current president doesn’t like that. The money is coming from the fund already set up to help the manufacturers build green cars that run on mermaid spit.

Chrysler, in particular, dodged a bullet with this one. Most of the congresscritters gave Nardelli the what-for about his Cerberus overlords’ unwillingness to pony up more of their money to keep the Dodge Boys afloat. They have a point, but a little loan now should keep them going long enough to file for bankruptcy in February. Hooray?

A fine picture of Chrysler's fortunes.
Oy!

-bob

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Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot Edition

Friends,

The CEOs of the Big Two (plus some fraction) domestic automakers are testifying at this moment to save their bacon. The Democratic leadership wants to use a piece of the $700 billion in TARP money. Secretary Paulson and the current president say no. Some dudes want an additional pile of loans on top of the $25 billion already approved and administered by the Department of Energy for Detroit to make cars that run on powdered unicorn kidneys. The environmentalists are just absolute wrecks over that suggestion.

What’s a busy legislator to do? Looks like they’re going to punt.

Just to get an idea of the automaker’s chances of pulling this out, let’s take a quick look at the Detroit Lions’ record so far this year. You know, for some perspective…

Uh oh.

– bob