punditry – Page 3 – A Jaunty Little Blog

July 6, 2009

Making The Case For Universal Mental Health Coverage

Friends,

As a rule, I follow the news pretty closely, taking in viewpoints from across the ideological spectrum as much as I can. However, some celebrities croaked a few days ago and the ceaseless rehashing of minute details became very tired, very quickly. I had houseguests for the holiday weekend, after all, so the news could wait.

I was wrong.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin resigned her office in a masterful speech (video link) last Friday that I completely missed until spotting the story above the fold in the L.A. Times newspaper box on Saturday. Patrick Henry demanded liberty or death, Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream, and Mrs. Palin will steer Alaska in a new direction by no longer holding the highest elected office in that state. Genius!

Her rambling, shambling discourse swaying from paranoid to put-upon to put out may be best remembered as a) oddly timed, b) hastily given and c) just not as good as Richard Nixon’s “you won’t have Nixon to kick around any more” speech. She has eighteen months remaining in her term as governor, leading some to speculate on her motives for resigning. I think I’d like to mix and match. She’s pregnant and nutso, needs to earn some speaking fees to feather the nest before the book tour, then she’ll run for Senate unless she loses. Then she’ll do the talk show on Fox (Huckabee & Friends?).

It’s been a tough week for Republican governors, hasn’t it?

– bob

June 22, 2009

Happy Birthday Lindsay Wagner!

Friends,

Today, Lindsay Wagner turns 60. Eventually it had to happen, but the event still makes me feel ancient…

…but not stupid. The scene on this lunchbox seems a little daft since the Bionic Woman wasn’t known necessarily for her driving prowess, now was she? Some illustrator who hadn’t seen the show got the assignment and, apparently, went on her own merry way.

“What’s this Bionic Woman, mate?”
“She solves crimes on American telly.”
“Oh? Why’s she called ‘Bionic’ then?”
“Beats me. Here’s the publicity photos. We need your draft by noon.”

And I suppose that was that. Well, happy birthday and enjoy the mattress!

– bob

May 29, 2009

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Czar

Friends,

The President of these United States is scheduled to announce the creation of a new position in the administration, that of Cyber Security Czar. Hopefully this completes the collector’s set with the Drug Czar, Car Czar (Chooch!), the Border Czar and the Regulatory Czar making up the rest of the set. Seriously, can we please stop with the Czars already? The title was cute once, but are these positions endowed with the power to be ruthless autocrats? Will each of these individuals be executed by Bolsheviks? (good bolsheviks are so hard to find these days. – ed)

There are so many other titles that might be used in place of the vaguely exotic “czar or tsar” that it’s hard to know where to start. Emperor? Dear Leader? Party Chairman? Each of them has the right tone, but if you’re really going for a sinister and despotic vibe, may I recommend Special Assistant to the President?

Nah, too creepy.

– bob

May 12, 2009

Our Amazing News Media – Something’s Missing Edition

Friends,

The news desk here at Jaunty Central is humming at least 24 hours a week to ~~bring you~~ aggregate the latest news about Idyllwild (or containing the word “Idyllwild” somewhere in the text). This morning, chilling news about a man who appears to be a pencil distributor. The Press-Enterprise’s own John Asbury has some, but not all of the details:

Man arrested outside Idyllwild school
6:15 AM Tue, May 12, 2009 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Posted by: PE News

An Idyllwild man was arrested Monday after deputies said he was offering children pencils outside a school.

A parent called authorities to report that a man tried to lure four 11-year-old students to his car to give them pencils outside the Idyllwild School, according to a Riverside County sheriff’s report.

Police arrested [some dude], 64, on suspicion of child annoyance and a probation violation.

I get the annoyance part. If he was handing out Wacom tablets and copies of Photoshop, they might have changed their tune a little. My question (and yours too, I would think) is what is this fella on probation for? My guess is not for the wanton distribution of writing implements…

– bob

UPDATE: Leave it to the Town Crier to flesh out the story. We still don’t know why this guy’s on probation, but J.P. still brings the goods in this week’s paper:

Man arrested at school

By J.P. Crumrine, News Editor

[Some dude], 64, of Idyllwild, was arrested last Friday on suspicion of annoying children at Idyllwild School. Principal Matt Kraemer sent a note home with the students alerting parents to the situation.

On Thursday, a man apparently approached several students and offered them free pencils to use for the state testing exams, which had already concluded. The man told children that if they accompanied him to his car, he would give them the pencils.

None of the students whom he approached complied. Instead, several came to the school office and reported the man, who was gone by the time Kraemer went searching for him.

On Friday, a suspect fitting the same description repeated his solicitation with an 11-year-old girl and her three friends who were on the school steps. Her parent reported this to the school and the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department.

While Kraemer was discussing the incident with a sheriff’s deputy, [that dude] entered the office area to complain that a parent had tried to abridge his free-speech right.

Kraemer escorted [that same dude] into his office and listened to his complaint. After informing him that the right does not carry onto school grounds and children, the officer arrested [the dude].

Late Friday morning, [creepy dude] was booked at the Southwest Detention Facility for annoying school children and violation of probation, according to Sgt. Stephen Mike of the Sheriff’s Department Hemet Station.

Free speech? Are you kidding? And by the way, how great is it that exactly none of the kids at the school fell for this joker’s “solicitation?”

March 26, 2009June 13, 2018

This Amazing Year! – You Bring The Tar, I’ll Bring The Feathers

Friends,

I have a theory and it posits that the first people to receive proper pitchfork treatment from the enraged masses will be California legislators. I know, I know, there’s a good case to be made for the Chicago Mayor and his staff, but the fine people of the Second City strangely keep voting for that guy so they must love him. Besides, privatizing parking meters is merely shortsighted in my humble opinion.

What about the good stuff, like the party that runs this state? Capitol Weekly’s wise beyond his namesake Big Daddy describes the Democrats thusly:

The “party” is just a P.O. Box shy of a shell corporation in the Cayman Islands. It’s like -1 or your happy childhood—when you really stop to think about it, it doesn’t even exist.

Certainly it’s not merely a money pump. Isn’t there influence to be peddled there as well?

The job of party chairman is part babysitter and part money launderer. With campaign finance limits being what they are, the entire system is geared to move money through the political parties. It’s the party chairman’s job to make sure that everyone has their pot of money lined up, and that all the juice moves where it’s supposed to.

Sounds nice, but once the money and the power are in place, what should be done with it? The answer, clearly, is to advance The Agenda Of Idiots.

There’s a fun story making the rounds today about a study conducted by the tin-plate potentates over at the California Air Resources Board. Their recent presentation suggests that you’ll use more gasoline if your car is too warm inside and the air conditioner runs more. More gas means more warmy gasses coming out of your tailpipe which makes polar bears spontaneously drown. Their solution is mandating more reflectivity for surfaces of your car. Deeper tints on the windows, lighter paint colors. Black paint is a big fat bummer in this regard, so they’re studying the feasibility of legislating paint colors.

The special election coming up to ratify pieces of the recent state budget deal is anticipated to have the lowest voter turnout ever by percentage. Participating in the election might be a good way to avoid the “felony assault with a farm implement” charges. Just sayin’.

– bob

February 5, 2009June 13, 2018

This Amazing Year! – Three State Solution

Friends,

With news that Los Angeles County is exploring the options of withholding tax revenues from Sacramento if the state suspends payments back to counties, I had a thought. What if the other counties did the same? Would state government collapse?

Maybe that’s a good thing.

It’s a big state and there are fairly sharp ideological schisms between North and South in particular. I’ve long advocated splitting the state in two, but that seems unworkable for a number of reasons—mostly in where to make the split. The yammering classes have suggested a Three State Solution for Iraq. Wrong country, but maybe the right idea for California. Northern, Central and Southern California, anyone? Divided roughly into thirds, each section would have roughly the same economic power of the others. Roughly the same problems. Roughly the same group of dysfunctional built-in politicians.

The plus side for Southern California, which I’m concerned about, is that the seat of government would necessarily be much closer. The voices of the people here proportionally much larger in the ears of state government. Yes, we lose our big national electoral stick, but that helps to keep hacks like Nancy Pelosi from gaining more stature than they actually deserve. I think you can agree that’s a good idea too. Oh yeah, more stars on the flag.

I thought a week ago that merely disbanding the California Air Resources Board would be enough. Before that, redistricting. Now my only hope for the state is to kill the damn thing and start over. It looks like the counties are doing the job for us.

– bob

UPDATE: Added link to Pelosi’s gaffe about 500 million Americans losing their jobs every month. The now famous “Dumber Than Soap” video.

December 9, 2008June 13, 2018

Blago Bagged, Big Bustup Befuddles Billet Backers

One more…

Bwahahahaha!

Illinois Governor Rod “Blago” Blagojevich was arrested this morning.

For more good news on this subject, let’s see what Reuters has to say about it…

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was charged with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery on Tuesday, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said in a statement.

This is good enough, but America’s favorite prosecutor had this to say about the charges…

“The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering,” U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said in a statement. “They allege that Blagojevich put a ‘for sale’ sign on the naming of a United States senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism.”

…and he’s seen some corruption in his time!

See? It’s not all bad news out there.

– bob

UPDATE: Edited to add Ted Stevens Memorial Career Iconography.

UPDATE II: Here’s a link to the news report on WSIL TV. I can see it through the filters here, so hopefully it’ll get past whatever foolishness is keeping you from seeing other video content.

UPDATE 3: The New York Times has a handy blog post with the complaint (Mrs. Anonymous notes in the comments that the complaint is hilarious). The link to the post contains this warning though:

Criminal Complaint (Contains Profanity) – pdf

Poor Pinch! Politics ain’t pretty!

UPDATE D: Yes, I’m enjoying the alliteration, why do you ask? (um, nobody asked. – ed But they might!)

December 6, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! – Dumptruck Edition

Friends,

The political theatre provided by Rick “The Rick” Wagoner of GM, Bob “Orange Apron” Nardelli of Chrysler, and Alan “Why Am I Here?” Mullaly of Ford at this hour seems to have secured their respective companies loan guarantees from the government.

Not TARP money, because the current president doesn’t like that. The money is coming from the fund already set up to help the manufacturers build green cars that run on mermaid spit.

Chrysler, in particular, dodged a bullet with this one. Most of the congresscritters gave Nardelli the what-for about his Cerberus overlords’ unwillingness to pony up more of their money to keep the Dodge Boys afloat. They have a point, but a little loan now should keep them going long enough to file for bankruptcy in February. Hooray?

Oy!

-bob

November 18, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot Edition

Friends,

The CEOs of the Big Two (plus some fraction) domestic automakers are testifying at this moment to save their bacon. The Democratic leadership wants to use a piece of the $700 billion in TARP money. Secretary Paulson and the current president say no. Some dudes want an additional pile of loans on top of the $25 billion already approved and administered by the Department of Energy for Detroit to make cars that run on powdered unicorn kidneys. The environmentalists are just absolute wrecks over that suggestion.

What’s a busy legislator to do? Looks like they’re going to punt.

Just to get an idea of the automaker’s chances of pulling this out, let’s take a quick look at the Detroit Lions’ record so far this year. You know, for some perspective…

Uh oh.

– bob

November 18, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News: Birthday Edition

Friends,

Before we get started, I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to the senior senator from Alaska, ~~indicted~~ convicted felon Ted “Uncle Ted” Stevens.

The man who threw his own wife under the bus during his corruption trial is 85 today and a little over a thousand votes behind Anchorage Mayor Mike Begich in a vote count that started two weeks ago (!). Republican senators are trying to decide today whether to expel the most senior member of their party from the chamber. Apparently, (and this is something of a surprise to me) they would rather not hang out with felons. Something about doing bad things for the image of their party…

Frankly, if I were them, I don’t know if I’d worry so much.

– bob

UPDATE: It’s all moot. Uncle Ted seems to have lost his reelection bid. Such a pity, and Happy Birthday!

UPDATE II: Quote of the day that I’m going to repurpose for this special occasion:

“They gave me this gold watch, man, but it ain’t tickin’.”

Goodbye Uncle Ted. We’ll miss you.

November 5, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Election Central – Hangover Edition

Friends,

According to the election results from the Secretary of State’s office this morning, we Californians are a bunch of irresponsible, reactionary bigots with hearts of gold. Let’s take a closer look at the jackassery that took place yesterday. This is with 94.6% of the precincts reporting:

Prop 1A – Safe, Reliable High-Speed Passenger Train Bond Act: Remember how we don’t have any money and nobody’s buying bonds in this economic climate? Remember how this proposition posits that if we sell ten billion dollars in bonds, that will encourage the feds and private companies to give us the rest of the money we’d need to build a new science fiction choo choo train? And how insane is that? This one is winning 52.3% to 47.7% Holy crap. Are you people drunk?
Prop 2 – Standards for Confining Farm Animals: Happy cows win 63.3% to 36.7%. Aw, you guys are swell.
Prop 3 – Children’s Hospital Bond Act: We still have a huge deficit, but what the heck, let’s make it more huger! Winning 54.8% to 45.2%
Prop 4 – Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor’s Pregnancy The voters think this should lose (I eventually did too), and it is 47.6% to 52.4%
Prop 5 – Nonviolent Drug Offenses. Sentencing, Parole and Rehabilitation: Also losing 40.2% to 59.8% It would let “drug dealers back out on the streets” after all. Or something.
Prop 6 – Police and Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Penalties and Laws: This one is also losing big—30.5% to 69.5% I’ve heard that people just didn’t like the budgetary constraints but others didn’t like the creation of brand new crimes.
Prop 7 – Renewable Energy Generation: This needed to fail and it is failing 35.0% to 65.0%
Prop 8 – Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry: Bigots win! 52.1% to 47.9%
Prop 9 – Criminal Justice System. Victim’s Rights. Parole: Yeah, this one is winning too 53.3% to 46.7% The constitution—it’s not just for defining fundamental rights anymore!
Prop 10 – Alternative Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy Bonds: I guess T. Boone Pickens will have to build his own natural gas stations. This one is failing hard 40.1% to 59.9%
Prop 11 – Redistricting: This is barely squeaking by, winning by one percentage point, 50.5% to 49.5% Cross whatever you have that’s crossable and hope this passes. It’s our ticket to getting rid of the fools in the capitol.
Prop 12 – Veterans’ Bond Act of 2008: I don’t see how you could vote against this, but 36.5% did. Not good enough to beat the 63.5% of voters in favor. This would be an example, I think, of people not reading the sample ballot. I know, horror!

So thanks for stopping in for our election coverage and thanks for voting, you schizophrenic nutjobs.

Your pal,

bob

October 28, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Election Guide!

My Friends (sorry about that…),

I know everybody worries about what I think when it comes to the vote for California’s bazillion ballot propositions. Usually, my rule is simple—no new bond measures and stop amending the Constitution. That stance is overly simplistic, I admit, and this year I’ve reconsidered my position for a ~~single proposition~~ couple propositions. You’ll have to read on to catch the subtle clues…

Prop 1A – Safe, Reliable High-Speed Passenger Train Bond Act: This one is first on the list and a dizzying brew of magical thinking combined with not so much. Get this, this measure asks voters to approve $9.95 billion in general obligation bond sales that the state can’t afford AND hopes that the feds will pitch in (you may have noticed they don’t have any spare cash either) along with private investors (who’ve slammed their checkbooks shut right about now). It doesn’t even require that a train system gets built. We just need to think about it and hire consultants! Whee! I’m sure these cats can spend the cash at way over 220 MPH.
Prop 2 – Standards for Confining Farm Animals: Farm animals get to get out of their cubicles, stretch their legs, have a smoke break (I made that last part up). Opponents say that this will force California farmers to pack it in, with the void filled by dangerous salmonella-tainted Mexican eggs! Boo! Look, this thing is gonna cost us money if it passes and I still think it’s worth doing. Would you pay extra for California cheese from truly happy California cows? Of course you would. It’s happier.
Prop 3 – Children’s Hospital Bond Act: No more bonds. These guys want $980 million to give to children’s hospitals. They haven’t spent the money from the last bonds. But hey, it’s about the children, right? Right?
Prop 4 – Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor’s Pregnancy Wow. You could say that this is about chipping away at privacy rights and you’d be right. You could also say that minors needn’t be afforded those rights. Patient’s rights versus parent’s rights versus danger of retaliation. I still have no idea what to do with this one because I’m wholly unqualified to judge.
Prop 5 – Nonviolent Drug Offenses. Sentencing, Parole and Rehabilitation: This saves the state some money by kicking folks out of the penal system early to rehabilitate. We’ve got a big problem funding the huge prison system in this state, but shouldn’t folks convicted of crimes punishable by prison time spend their time in prison? Isn’t it supposed to be unpleasant? I’m not sold on this one.
Prop 6 – Police and Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Penalties and Laws: Following on Prop 5, this one seems to be designed to scare everybody and pigeonhole funds for cops while upping penalties for certain crimes while creating new ones. C’mon, guys. Aren’t we a little smarter than to fall for this bunk?
Prop 7 – Renewable Energy Generation: Requires certain percentages of renewable sources in the electricity mix. The Union of Concerned Scientists isn’t feeling the love here for many reasons, but I heard only one statistic that made sense to me—this calls for 20% renewables by 2010. We’re at 10% now so it’s hard to believe that the 20% target is even attainable. There are noncompliance penalties, but I’m guessing Edison, PG&E or SDG&E aren’t going to absorb them, will they?
Prop 8 – Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry: Maybe just call it the “I hate the gays” amendment. Hating? Bad. Amending the constitution again? Stupid. Thanks for nothing, dimwit right wing bigots.
Prop 9 – Criminal Justice System. Victim’s Rights. Parole: Most of this is already covered in those silly laws. Not good enough! Somebody needs to amend the Constitution to drive the point home. How about no?
Prop 10 – Alternative Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy Bonds: I’ve heard this called the “T. Boone Pickens Bailout Act” by selling bonds (that we still can’t afford) to give folks cash for natural gas cars and research! That’s a lot of new cash out of the General Fund, eh?
Prop 11 – Redistricting: Opponents of Prop 11 have ads up trying to frighten voters with the idea that this constitutional amendment will establish an independent board to draw legislative districts every decade. That’s not a bug, that’s a feature! A commissioner is selected based on specific criteria, then by random drawing. Not a legislator drawing his or her own safe district boundaries! Again, a feature. If you vote in favor of one thing, if you hold out hope that the process can potentially ever be fixed, this is the last best hope. I think we should take a chance on it.
Prop 12 – Veterans’ Bond Act of 2008: This is the only bond measure that actually has the beneficiaries pay for it. And who do we saddle with the bill? Veterans, fer crissakes. We shouldn’t have to do anything like that. In my perfect world, veterans get whatever they need on a silver plate. Sadly, this world isn’t perfect, but $900 million seems cheap to provide loans for vets to buy homes and farms in the state. Hell, they might even raise herds of happy cows.

So go vote, won’t you? What are you waiting for?

Your pal,

bob

October 20, 2008June 13, 2018

A Big Bag Of Stupid

Pals,

This story in USA Today about a pending GM merger with Chrysler has stinky written all over it. In fact, Peter De Lorenzo over at Autoextremist.com covered this very thing last week. Even in his opening, Mr. De Lorenzo gets to the heart of the matter:

The swirling maelstrom of conjecture, rumor and fabrication that’s enveloping the Motor City (aka The Land of Not Good) right now concerning GM and Chrysler has spun completely out of control. So much has been said by so many people who know so little about what’s going on, that it’s truly breathtaking to contemplate. As a matter of fact, I have never seen anything like it in all my years in this business.

This fairly sums up the USAT piece, but there’s a little nugget that should leave Grosse Pointe psychiatrists confident that they’ll make their next yacht payments…

Ford Motor is seeking to sell all or part of its stake in Japan’s Mazda to a group of Japanese companies. The report appeared in the Japanese press last week and was confirmed by two people who have been briefed on the proposal but said they could not comment on the record.

Ford’s sale of Mazda is so obvious that it doesn’t even merit mention. I mean, why would they need a small car platform partner or economical four cylinder engine development in this economic climate? That’s just crazy talk!

Talk about Not Good…

– bob

October 16, 2008June 13, 2018

Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! – Debate Roundup!

I feel dirty.

I’m gonna need a shower after this debate [warning: adobe flash 10 required on terrible myspace-hosted site. – ed Does it use Flash because democracy hates UNIX? at least. mostly the commission on presidential debates hates you—a lot. -ed] just to get the stink off. Post-partisan? Change? Straight talk? Holy crap. We here at the Lodge are flabbergasted…

The “health of the mother” is an “extreme abortionist view” held by radicals? Really? The Girly Dog is not impressed…

Charter schools are the “greatest civil rights issue…” of the next century? How about this one? Sarah Palin knows a bunch about autism? I’m guessing she knows more than she bargained for about Down Syndrome, so maybe that’s true, but I suspect that the senator from Arizona was a touch confused.

A touch?

William Ayers. ACORN. Clean coal. Good lord, shut the hell up. What might you deign to do about the economy, mayhaps?

– bob

September 25, 2008June 13, 2018

An Important Announcement

My friends,

We are facing a serious crisis in our country and it would be irresponsible to continue to make this all about me. Therefore, following the lead of the Republican candidate for president, I’m also going to suspend my own campaign tomorrow.

Aw heck. Never mind. It seems like cheating. (er, exactly what campaign? -ed) Good point. I’ve got nothin’.

– bob