This Dangerous Year – Page 2 – A Jaunty Little Blog

October 19, 2011

Mountain Lion Spotted! Still Checking For Pumas and Cougars…

Friends,

My part-time, next door neighbor called last night to let me know that when she drove home from her cabin on Sunday, she had to make a panic stop halfway down the street to avoid hitting a mountain lion. “I don’t know if you leave your dog out overnight (I don’t because she’ll bark at rustling leaves and nobody will get any sleep), but I’ll bet that mountain lion would have no trouble climbing your fence.”

I have a couple thoughts about this. The first would be that she must not have been that worried to wait until Tuesday. Maybe it looked sickly or sort of unmotivated. The second is that despite the delay, I still took time out of my evening last night to lose my mind over every tiny noise inside or outside. But my biggest concern isn’t that the nice kitty will climb the fence…

Your pal,

– bob

July 28, 2011

Blink.

Friends,

Congress has decided to play a game of chicken with the finances of the United States. A game of high-speed mumbley peg with the nation’s digits under their rusty jack knife. What’s worse, (a worse thing, or are you extending the metaphor? -ed) is that the country’s economy hasn’t recovered enough to afford even a tetanus shot against the missteps of these ham-fisted apes. Before you get all fiscal on me, I’m not cutting the prevaricator in chief any slack on this either. He had the opportunity at the beginning of the year to ask for a clean debt increase bill and missed his chance. Now it’s the ’72 Munich Olympics in the capitol with our finances held at gunpoint, all due to some red meat types latching on to the idea that a debt limit increase is for future spending and not to pay for stuff we already bought.

The Treasury Department has set a deadline for next Monday when we’ll run out of money to write checks for government things, like checks for pensioners and tranquilizers to keep the space monsters we’ve locked up from eating us. We’re in a pickle, folks.

What will happen? Will the legislative and executive branches cut a last-minute deal? Will the president, in lieu of a deal, exert his executive privilege to extend the debt ceiling on his own? Will the “full faith and credit of the United States” be as suspect as a clean lab result from a professional bicycle racer? The answer to these questions, and whether we’re all doomed, will be answered next Monday.

In the meanwhile, fill up your gas tanks. Just saying.

– bob

June 2, 2011

Small Stories About Disappointing Things

Friends,

As the tags indicate, I think these things are related to each other in some way. I’m not sure you’ll agree, but let’s throw this stuff in the pot and see if we end up with stew…

There were a couple little automobile races on Sunday, starting with the American classic — the Indianapolis 500. My houseguests and I didn’t care so much, but we watched the thing anyway and towards the end, fell in love with the pluck of rookie JR Hildebrand. What a clever fuel strategy! What skill staying out of trouble and holding his line! Look! It’s the white flag and this kid’s in front! And then he crashed on Turn Four, right before the finish line. On to our next story…
Nascar certainly can’t let Indy Car have all the fun, so they decided to run a longer race on the same day. Again, we didn’t care until the very end, but what’s this? Dale Earnhardt Jr. is winning in the last lap! What skill staying out of trouble and holding his line! What a clever fuel strategy! Then he ran out of gas and some other guy won. Now for weasels.
My dear friend called this evening with a story that gives sharks and bastards a bad name. Her father is struggling with Alzheimer’s Disease, but lawyers would like to depose him to testify in a dispute over a land deal from the 80s. His lawyers protested that he was too ill to travel and sit and speak under oath for hours, but the opposition hired an investigator to prove this wrong. Video camera at the ready, the investigator ignited an M80 outside his front door and recorded him ambling to the window to determine the source of the commotion. See? He can move around just fine, your honor. One more…
As long-time followers of this mess surely know, my hours at the Far Eastern Outpost of San Diego’s Omnipresent Charitable Organization have been cut in half. In fact, my Wednesdays are literally cut in half to make the timing work. This knowledge did not prevent one of the bosses from getting huffy that I was not available to solve problems with his personal home computer not receiving company email in a timely manner. Allow me to clarify — one of the people who got together and decided to send me halfway out into the dodgy financial wilderness has the gall to protest that I’m not there often enough? Really? Seriously? I find this behavior stunning.

So, how was your Wednesday?

– bob

May 11, 2011

This Seems Bad

Friends,

This stinks. A real virus out in the wild for Macintosh? Really? For reals? Don’t sign up for any antivirus software for the Mac just yet. Even they don’t know how to deal with this at the moment, so don’t throw money at folks out of panic. Here at our Secret Alpine Laboratory, we’ve been working on a timer to let you know exactly when to panic. Not yet, my pretties. Not yet.

Just be careful out there people.

– bob

UPDATE: Here’s a non-hysterical list of antivirus and malware-ratting-out software for the Mac from Lifehacker. I’m going to run some free stuff for a little while to see if it doesn’t stink too bad and I’ll let you know how that turns out. This whole think stinks, kinda like the Russian mob telling you that you have to start wearing briefs under your kilt.

April 12, 2011

Earthquake Watch 2011! – Is and Isn’t Edition

Friends,

Japanese authorities today raised the severity rating of the slow motion disaster occurring at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant to 7. Now I know what you’re saying (he really does. it’s kinda creepy. – ed), “On a scale of what? 1 to 10? 1 to 100? I need context.” This is a 7 on a scale of one to Chernobyl, where Chernobyl also equals 7. There’s no need to panic though. Just listen to the soothing words of Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan…

“Right now, the situation of the nuclear reactors at the Fukushima plant has been stabilizing step by step. The amount of radiation leaks is on the decline,” he said. “But we are not at the stage yet where we can let our guards down.”

The amount’s on the decline! Hooray! Maybe this is just some bureaucratic way to divert more resources to the problem. Like the difference here between a storm warning and an urgent storm warning…

And a spokesman for Tokyo Electric Power Company (Tepco), which runs the plant, suggested it could even end up being worse than Chernobyl.

Oh. Dear.

“The classification of seven means there’s a leak of radiation into the wider environment; and although it’ll be interpreted as being ‘the same as Chernobyl’, it’s not the same,” said Paddy Regan, professor of physics at the UK’s University of Surrey.

It’s not the same! Paddy says so.

And what Paddy says, goes. For now.

– bob

March 23, 2011

Earthquake Watch 2011! – Fallout Edition

Friends,

It’s been a couple weeks since horrifying devastation was wrought on Japan by a magnitude 9.0 earthquake and giant tsunami, but what we seem to continue to focus on isn’t the human tragedy, but the threat of the unchecked release of radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. Some people I trust don’t think we should worry about it here on the left coast of the United States, which makes perfect sense to me. Some suggest that the plant was bound to fail in the first place. All I know now is that it’s time for everyone here in unincorporated rural southwestern Riverside County to lose your minds because they’ve found radioactive isotopes from the Fukushima plant in a collector in Riverside. Shhh!

The amount they found is as tiny as you would expect according to the monkey botherers over at the EPA [warning: PDF link]. All the usual suspects are here though. You’ve got your iodine, your cesium, your tellurium; all stuck to a little gizmo waving around up in the green-gray atmosphere of Riverside, CA. How much? The press release doesn’t say except to patronize us with a “100,000 times less radiation than a roundtrip international flight (to chernobyl? -ed)” line. We’re big boys and girls (speak for yourself. -ed), we can take the numbers. If anything at all has come of the calamity that has befallen Japan, it’s that we’ve all become amateur physicists through the reporting.

Of course some people seem to be having difficulty adjusting to this new world we’re facing. Take for instance the fellow in Hemet who took after a couple people with a samurai sword yesterday. I know you’re thinking two things; first, aren’t the Hemet police under siege from deadly gangs of dentists? Why yes they are, but things have calmed down to the point where they could immediately arrest the assailant. The second, and most important question you have must be, what does this have to do with that?

Certainly not this. Or this hysterical tripe.

– bob

March 11, 2011

Earthquake Watch 2011 – Japan! Edition!

Friends,

Early this morning, Japan suffered the largest earthquake in her recorded history with dozens and dozens of known casualties. Living out here on the left coast of the continental United States, we have a certain familiarity with quakes and tend to shrug them off as a rule, but magnitude 8.9 really made me sit up and take notice.

Our thoughts are with them as they cope with the aftermath of this disaster.

Your pal,

– bob

January 29, 2011

Happy Friday of Anger!

Friends,

As you may have heard, the people of Egypt have taken to the streets today after Friday prayers to pressure octogenarian despot Hosni Mubarak to finally step down. Will the military and police prevail and snuff out this uprising? Should Mubarak, the man who took over after the assassination of Anwar Sadat and soon after declared emergency rule be allowed to remain? What does the Egyptian government’s ability to shut down almost 90% of internet access in that country say about our own government’s hope to be able to do the same? Why is the Obama administration so worried about suggesting that police brutality aficionado Mubarak take a hike?

Hosni Mubarak. Christ, what an asshole.

Good job, Egyptian protesters! Don’t let the Muslim Brotherhood co-opt your movement!

– bob

NOTE: Please listen to today’s episode of The Bugle [MP3 link]. Andy and John take an Egyptian government overthrow victory lap that mustn’t be missed.

January 14, 2011

Crime Watch! – That Is Not My Goat Edition

Friends,

I found the shooting rampage in Tucson, Arizona last weekend and the ensuing crap storm in the media about which political ideology to blame to be too much and turned off the news for a while. You know, until the rhetoric cools down a bit. What I did not anticipate was that the mood would cool down this much…

Highway Patrol officers appear to have foiled a suspected goatnapping east of Hemet.

That’s right, people. We’ve got goatnappers in Valle Vista

Officers pulled over a suspected drunken driver late Tuesday night near East Mayberry Avenue and Girard Street south of Florida Avenue in Valle Vista, said John Welsh, spokesman for Riverside County Animal Services in an e-mail. A passenger in the truck tried to flee on foot “but fell flat on his face,” Welsh said.

Wild night out? I wonder if he might have some regrets in the morning.

CHP officers then discovered the driver’s second passenger, a goat sitting in the front seat.

Please say it’s not a female goat. Please say it’s not a female goat. Please say it’s not a female goat…

“Neither man seemed to claim the female goat as their own, so we suspect the goat might have been stolen,” Welsh said.

“Hey! How’d that get in there?” he said scratching the officer’s head, being too drunk to find his own. Please Mr. Welsh, let there be a happy ending…

He did not know if the driver and his passenger were arrested, but the goat was taken to the Riverside County-City Animal Shelter in Pedley.

Thank goodness! Pedley, as you know, is a sanctuary city for goats.

Or am I thinking of Menifee?

– bob

IMPORTANT UPDATE: It turns out that everyone is doing it…

December 23, 2010

Storm Watch! 2010! WTH!!11!one!! – Honda! Discord! Edition!

Friends,

I think we all know that during inclement weather events (again with the event. really? -ed) there might be some value in exercising caution while navigating the byways of this here metropolis. However, as I approached my driveway coming home from work this afternoon, that calculus seems to have been flawed. Revised:

(we all) – 1 = most of us except for person trapped in her car laying on its side in front of my house

Mme. Puppy Dog was losing her mind as the fire chief pulled up in the driveway, the CHP parked behind that guy, the ladder truck (for double-decker Honda Accord rescues [sadly, they only have double-decker honda accords in england. -ed]) next to Ponch, and the wrecker parked nearby. The nice thing is that the rain stopped and it started snowing. I would hope that this is much more pleasant for the people rescuing said sideways person than a torrent running down their collars.

I don’t know the circumstance that led to someone pulling a half-Chitwood in front of my house, but I can guess. Too fast. Road too slick. Somebody pulling out from the back of Chez Noisy across the street. Bing, boom, bam, and there you go. Mister or Missus Accord gets taped down to a board and earns a trip to the hospital.

This year really hasn’t been dangerous enough, right?

– bob

December 22, 2010

Storm! Watch! 2010! – Frame Of Reference! Edition!

Friends,

I had heard on the radio that the Sheriff’s Department would like for motorists to call 911 if they see any rock slides, which I did on the way to work (not in my lane, thankfully). If my ancient Motorola feature phone had been able to obtain a signal at the point of the slide, I would’ve reported it there, but no such luck. Once I did get a signal, I pulled over and called the helpful and not at all twitchy 911 operator.

“How big are the rocks?” she eventually asked. “About the size of a German Shepherd,” was my helpful reply. Then a long pause…

“What?”

– bob

December 22, 2010

Storm Watch 2010!ZOMGZ!!1!!ponies!!11! – Atmospheric River! Edition!

Friends,

We’re doomed. Doomed! Just look at all of the terrible warnings about the coming deluge after five days of steady rainfall here in Southern California. Just look at it…

Even Mount Baldy is closed. Mount Baldy, people!

What’s hilarious about this, on top of the idea held by people down in the Festival of Dirt that they might melt if they get wet, is that this weather event (an event! we can feel the gravitas. – ed) is a phenomenon with an actual name. Ready? Wrap your head around the idea of Atmospheric Rivers. A jet stream picks up moisture from the ocean and keeps running for days and days, dumping on the coast, until it’s perturbed in some way. This time, it’ll be upset some time early Thursday morning, but until then: WATER IS LIKELY TO CONTINUE TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY!!!

While you’re waiting for the storm and its attending panic (which I do not share, btw) to end, here’s something cheery for your listening pleasure…

Your pal,

bob

October 27, 2010

Things To Know And Share

Friends,

First of all, you should know that bobtherieau.com is having problems, so pictures (including, sadly, our gal the Idyllwild Weather Clam) may not show up properly for a while. I also can’t post new pictures, so the picture above of the late, great Paul the Psychic Octopus is here under the GNU Free Documentation License.On the subject of Paul, he was the cephalopod who predicted outcomes throughout this year’s World Cup in South Africa. Genius!

We’re also mourning, here at Jaunty Central, the passing of Alexander Anderson, Jr. who with Jay Ward, developed Rocket J. Squirrel and his dim pal Bullwinkle J. Moose. Our thoughts are with Mister Anderson’s family today.

Your pal,

– bob

August 13, 2010

Unlucky

Friends,

I hate to admit when my brother Stinko is right, but he had some alarmist things to say yesterday about the lack of tread on the back tires of the Teensy Tiny Racecar. Something about no traction, something, something, crashing-something, do you have a spare? That sort of thing.

Naturally, I was having none of this talk considering that I had A Grand Plan to replace those tires [hint: in involves the next paycheck] and told him that I thought the baldness of the tires actually enhanced traction. You know, like racing slicks!

Um, the minute they change the rules in drag racing to allow gravel on the strip and throw in a couple hairpin turns, I’ll let you know. In the meanwhile, the racing slick on a street car myth was officially busted during my drive home yesterday. That, and some of the plastic bits on the front of my car.

Your pal,

– bob