The American Experiment: Testing The Low Values Edition

A lovely centered picture of a my driveway
Friends,

Whether it’s stripping healthcare out of a healthcare bill because it’s too generous, hunting bears while they’re hibernating, or removing online privacy protections so ISPs can make a dollar, the majority party in this United States Congress has been busy. Why do they hate people, sleeping bear cubs and people? Because there is a dollar to be made, and your modern Republican Party is chock full of people who have no interest in you.

I propose that while we bide our time until they can be voted out of power, we have a little fun at their donor’s expense: keep as many browser windows open and search for as many different things as your computer will allow. Let’s work together to make our browsing and search histories worthless!

Your best pal,

– bob

Absolutely Everybody Is Talking About It!

Friends,

Yesterday, the fine folks at the South Coast Air Quality Management District (an obviously overwrought name designed to create the too cute by half acronym, SCAQMD) issued a No-Burn Notice for Orange, San Bernardino and Riverside Counties due to anticipated high levels of particulates in the air. This means that you’ll need to put out the tire inferno still blazing in your backyard (no, seriously, you should get right on that), but more importantly, it means that the fireplaces and wood stoves heating a touch under a third of California homes must stay cold this evening. You’ll notice that our gal, The Idyllwild Weather Clam says that it’s 27° outside right now, but overnight lows tonight are predicted to be at or a little above freezing. In other words, despite this steep warming trend, it’s going to be pretty chilly tonight and for a lot of people, particularly in the mountain communities, a fireplace may be the only source of heat in their homes.

I’m lucky in that even though my furnace has been broken for a couple years, I have several different sources of heat for my house. They’re inadequate on their own, but when combined can make the Damp Dog Lodge a pretty cozy place.

The notice went up on Facebook and my neighbors lost their minds trying to figure out how they’ll stay warm tonight. If you simply went to http://www.aqmd.gov/ and put in the ZIP code of an affected region, or use Idyllwild’s 92549, you’ll see that burning is banned today. If you read further down into the press release linked on that page, you’ll see that residents living 3,000-feet above sea level or higher, like our friends in my mile-high burg, are exempt from the order. You’ll see lots of exceptions, some economic, some born of necessity, so why did people freak out? Was it because their way of life was threatened by an arbitrary governmental agency but they didn’t want to take the time to do simple research, like clicking a link, on exactly how the order might affect them personally?

Maybe!

 

Your pal,

– bob

Earthquake Watch 2011 – Japan! Edition!

Friends,

Early this morning, Japan suffered the largest earthquake in her recorded history with dozens and dozens of known casualties. Living out here on the left coast of the continental United States, we have a certain familiarity with quakes and tend to shrug them off as a rule, but magnitude 8.9 really made me sit up and take notice.

 

Our thoughts are with them as they cope with the aftermath of this disaster.

Your pal,

– bob

Storm Watch! 2010! WTH!!11!one!! – Honda! Discord! Edition!

Flippy!

Friends,

I think we all know that during inclement weather events (again with the event. really? -ed) there might be some value in exercising caution while navigating the byways of this here metropolis. However, as I approached my driveway coming home from work this afternoon, that calculus seems to have been flawed. Revised:

(we all) – 1 = most of us except for person trapped in her car laying on its side in front of my house

Get ye to a hospital.

Mme. Puppy Dog was losing her mind as the fire chief pulled up in the driveway, the CHP parked behind that guy, the ladder truck (for double-decker Honda Accord rescues [sadly, they only have double-decker honda accords in england. -ed]) next to Ponch, and the wrecker parked nearby. The nice thing is that the rain stopped and it started snowing. I would hope that this is much more pleasant for the people rescuing said sideways person than a torrent running down their collars.

I'm sure that'll buff right out.

I don’t know the circumstance that led to someone pulling a half-Chitwood in front of my house, but I can guess. Too fast. Road too slick. Somebody pulling out from the back of Chez Noisy across the street. Bing, boom, bam, and there you go. Mister or Missus Accord gets taped down to a board and earns a trip to the hospital.

This year really hasn’t been dangerous enough, right?

– bob

Storm! Watch! 2010! – Frame Of Reference! Edition!

 

Friends,

I had heard on the radio that the Sheriff’s Department would like for motorists to call 911 if they see any rock slides, which I did on the way to work (not in my lane, thankfully). If my ancient Motorola feature phone had been able to obtain a signal at the point of the slide, I would’ve reported it there, but no such luck. Once I did get a signal, I pulled over and called the helpful and not at all twitchy 911 operator.

“How big are the rocks?” she eventually asked. “About the size of a German Shepherd,” was my helpful reply. Then a long pause…

“What?”

– bob

Storm Watch 2010!ZOMGZ!!1!!ponies!!11! – Atmospheric River! Edition!

Coachella Valley from Highway 74 Vista Point, 21 December 2010

Friends,

We’re doomed. Doomed! Just look at all of the terrible warnings about the coming deluge after five days of steady rainfall here in Southern California. Just look at it

Even Mount Baldy is closed. Mount Baldy, people!

What’s hilarious about this, on top of the idea held by people down in the Festival of Dirt that they might melt if they get wet, is that this weather event (an event! we can feel the gravitas. – ed) is a phenomenon with an actual name. Ready? Wrap your head around the idea of Atmospheric Rivers. A jet stream picks up moisture from the ocean and keeps running for days and days, dumping on the coast, until it’s perturbed in some way. This time, it’ll be upset some time early Thursday morning, but until then: WATER IS LIKELY TO CONTINUE TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY!!!

While you’re waiting for the storm and its attending panic (which I do not share, btw) to end, here’s something cheery for your listening pleasure…

 

Your pal,

bob

Well That’s Just Dandy

 

Friends,

If I understand this article in the New Scientist (and that’s not assured by any means), Nikodem Poplawski of Indiana University has suggested that not only could every black hole contain a universe, but that our very own universe might reside in a black hole. and since our universe contains black holes, those black holes would also contain universes, etc. ad absurdum

This explains some weirdness that happens with neutrinos, says Nik (can I call you Nik?), including a “preferred direction”—a spin imparted on particles, if you will—caused by entering the black hole to begin with. Kind of a curveball, if I’m reading it correctly.

The really messed up part of this is that if it’s true, the event not only put a topspin on space but also on time. Could this really be why the seconds hand on the clocks at the DMV move more slowly than they do while you’re dangling your feet in a creek on a warm summer’s day? Is the Minnesota Fats of the universe banking the dreary moments of your days off the left bumper of time to sink the joyous moments down into the right corner pocket? Could this analogy be even more tortured? (not really. -ed) What would Nik think?

Can I call you Nik?

– bob