State Of The The Alley Address: Presented Without Interruption By A Jaunty Little Blog

Readers, lurkers, search engine castaways, my fellow San Diegians, ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to pronounce that the state of our alleys today is strong.

[applause]

The alleys in our great city of San Diego—America’s Finest City—are in the best shape now than at any time during their storied history.

[applause]

We are in a time of rapid change, of great technological breakthroughs, of unprecedented prosperity, and we are unified in our goal to create the best alleys on the face of this planet…

…but there have been setbacks…

At 3:00 a.m. Wednesday morning we, as San Diegans, awoke to the product of a fevered mind. This evil man inflicted a wound on our community that will take faith, courage, and a good contractor to heal. But rest assured my friends, we will surely have our fences again, even if some drunken angry fool decides to careen out of control down our alleys, into our backyards.

And now I’m speaking to you, the ones who don’t find the question “When did you stop beating your wife?” to be a conundrum. I say this…

Just go away.

To jail, preferably.

– bob