Agoraphobia?

Is that my real problem? Let’s look at the definition from the Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary of 2002:

Main Entry: ag·o·ra·pho·bia

Pronunciation: “ag(O)-re-fO-bE-uh”

Function: noun

: abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult or embarrassing that is characterized initially often by panic or anticipatory anxiety and finally by avoidance of open or public places

Gee, do you think? I do like to plan my escape routes, and I do feel uncomfortable if I don’t know how I can get out, and I tend to be a little anxious about going to places I know little about ahead of time, and I’ve spent a certain amount of energy lately avoiding going out…

…but really, that can’t explain my problems, can it? (Of course it can. Just get out more often, weirdo! That’ll fix it! – ed) Thanks for the encouragement, boss.

Granted, I’ve been this way forever, or at least my personal chunk of forever. What others choose make of my mania is theirs to deal with, I suppose. All I can say is that, in a sense, I’m getting better. Or, rather, I can hide it better. In the last decade or so, I’ve found that I can get on a plane without being short of breath from the anxiety of being trapped in an aluminum tube at 60,000 feet with no escape (even though 9/11 rolled me back on my heels a bit). I’ve spent quality time in the narrow crawlspace under the house (although I have expended great energy to build robots to survey the underside of the house without my presence). I’ve attended public events in buildings lacking clearly marked exit signs. I’d say I’m much better now.

So what’s the problem?

That, sadly, is the question of the day.

Your pal,

bob