We Tilt Our Heads Back And Laugh
The subject has come up over the last few days whether I wish to get fired. I don’t think so, but I have sent people—vendors, actually—email responses filled with the cheek that you’ve grown to positively adore here at Jaunty Central. Why? It’s mostly a reaction to the corp-speak that grates so heavily on my last fragile nerve. Just trying to have fun ma’am.
After all, while this is serious business I’ve found myself wrapped up in at San Diego’s Omnipresent Charitable Organization, I really can’t take my role in it as seriously as some would hope. Here’s an exchange in chronological order (rather than email reply-reply-reply order) with the names and intellectual property and places obscured by brackets. Don’t be alarmed. It’s okay to read top to bottom here…
From: [“missy”]@[vendor].com
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 1:44 PM
To: [me and others at work]
Cc: [a whole bunch of other people]
Subject: RE: [software] Implementation
Before we can proceed much further with planning and scheduling we need confirmation of your successful and stable upgrade at [the local site]. It is my understanding that the upgrade has now been delayed until Thursday of this week.
[my boss] – can you provide an update?
From: [my boss@sandiegosomnipresentcharitableorganization.org]
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 2:52 PM
To: [“missy,” me, and others at work]
Cc: [still a whole bunch of other people]
Subject: RE: [software] Implementation
[“missy”],
The upgrade is going to occur tonight.
Always the best to you,
[my boss]
From: [me@sandiegosomnipresentcharitableorganization.org]
Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2005 7:32 AM
To: [“missy,” my boss, and others at work]
Cc: [a whole different bunch of other people]
Subject: RE: [software] Implementation
Good morning all (my, this distribution is getting huge),
The software upgrade for the [local facility] has been nearly completed. There are issues known to [the vendor] that prevent full completion (more in a bit), but [most of the components] are all running nicely. In fact, I checked the database integrity this morning and the error logs and everything looks clean and shiny. Note that this was never the case [with the previous version] as we had persistent corruption issues that were beyond our control. Overall, people seem thrilled with the performance of [the new version] and I’m very encouraged by its apparent stability. Nice job, folks.
Now the bad news. In order to complete the upgrade, [tech guy] from [vendor] support had to disable [a key feature]. There are two problems with this. The first problem is obvious – [the feature will not be] available to [users]. The second problem was that this was apparently a known issue with [the new release] but that fairly crucial bit of information was not communicated to me before I embarked on the upgrade process. We actually have a joke about that around here and it goes like this: “Are you doing an upgrade?” “Yes, why do you ask?” “Are there special secret installation instructions from [the vendor] like the last time?” “Not that I’m aware of…” And then we all laugh.
The other problem involves the delay in our installation. It turns out that the software was shipped overnight as promised, just not to my attention, or [the manager], but to [the director’s] attention at the [headquarters building] which was then routed [off-site].
Confused? Me too!
That said, it’s done now and we’re running pretty well. [“Missy”] should be pleased to hear that so she can continue with the [new place’s] implementation schedule. [My boss] will be thrilled too because he can now order all of the new PCs and printers and scanners we’ll need. Of course [my co-worker] will also be happy because he enjoys talking to his network wiring vendor and can go ahead with that too.
I love it when everybody is happy.
Your pal,
bob
Do I want to get fired? Not really. I’ve found that the folks I deal with at the software vendor are pretty good natured (except, maybe, “Missy”) and don’t really mind when I tell them bad news about their product. Their “mission critical” product, to be sure, but it’s just a tool and we’re all just people muddling through it all. There’s no reason to be antagonistic about any of it. Problems, crashes, lack of support, the lot. It’s not worth it.
Your pal,
bob