In a first for Mr. Jaunty’s media enterprise, I’ll be blogging the news of the dumb from the jury lounge at the Southwest Justice Center in beautiful (because it’s completely obscured by fog) Murrieta. First, I don’t think I need to tell you that free Wi-Fi is a great idea. Why, it’s what keeps us going!
I guess I’ll just keep updating this post throughout the day, rather than start new ones. Less confusing that way. Let’s get started with one half of a phone conversation overheard a little while ago…
7:45 AM “…yeah. I’m just telling you what the lady said. Yeah, I don’t have to go to jail. Right. The woman on the phone said that there was a warrant out, but the lady at the front desk said I’d just need to serve today. Yeah, that’s what she said. What? I guess I just forgot about those two other summonses… Why? Because I’m a schlomozzle, I guess. Because I’m a schlomozzle. I know. A schlomozzle. Okay, well, I just wanted to call to let you know I’m not going to jail. Okay, bye.
Yup. There’s no arguing that Laverne & Shirley references are pure comedy gold…
8:43 AM Spotted: Potential juror in Smith & Wesson Firearms t-shirt. Giant logo. Well done, Mr. I Don’t Want To Be On A Jury.
8:51 AM Paraphrasing judge giving opening remarks: “Jury duty blows. Suck it up crybaby.”
9:18 AM Observed: Total strangers in jury lounge now BFFs. Sharing anecdotes. Will never see each other ever again.
10:38 AM Missed the first wave of victims selected and there may not be another trial today. On the BFF front, I sat down next to two guys in their late 50s who have been sharing stories of their terrible medical maladies. “Hypertension?” “Me too! Diabetes too…” “Just got over the shingles. Boy that’s painful.” “My neighbor’s friend had that…” “Once I get my prescriptions filled, we’re going on a trip to Russia…”
10:46 AM Fun jury room hijinks! Guess how many signed in today? The number is 204! Um, whee. What do I win? The world-famous Superior Court pin. Lordy.
10:51 AM Wow, what a let down. The atmosphere was nearly electric during the Guess The Number game. Now the mood in the room is like 150 toddlers after a hard night of trick-or-treating. The fogeys are still yammering about health issues though. Complete biography in 30 minutes or less!
11:11 AM One of the fogeys is going on about his time at NASA developing ion propulsion engines (!). A project shelved for that stupid, bloated, overwrought space shuttle.
11:38 AM Nail-biting time. Will the second court go into session? Will they call another fifty people? Will they let us all leave early? Will lunch in Murrieta be an adequate substitute for this morning’s missed breakfast? Are there any more questions remaining to be asked? Who can tell?
11:48 AM Done! We’re out! It’s over! Whee!