Fellow Fangio Lovers,
I’ve had the opportunity over the last year to tangle daily with the various factions of The Anti-Destination League (a term that I believe is credited to the irascible and brilliant Brock Yates). I’ve had fun with this and have attempted to determine why any individual might wish to join this dark, life force draining cabal. I have theories!
- No Replacement For Low Displacement- This is going to be a big problem for everybody in the future. Gas prices go up, engine sizes and power go down. It’s free market economics, yet the productivity losses brought on by the time spent goosing the gerbils in the engine compartment of your new hyper-mileage transportation appliance don’t seem to factor into Adam Smith’s equation.
- Holiday Makers: Local 92210- This isn’t Alberta, or Saskatchewan, or Idaho, or Utah! We actually have things to do and, surprisingly, places to go. I hope you’re enjoying the leisurely pace your vacation is taking, because we’re not. Really.
- Amigos Del Slow- Ay carumba! The signs are en ingles! ¿Como se dice “turnout?”
- The Grey Panthers- Your eyesight is failing, reflexes slowing, we’ll pry that Oldsmobile’s steering wheel out of your cold dead hands. I get that. In fact, the trusty old Ninety-Eight is a visual clue to the rest of us to steer clear. What we can’t stand is the progeny of the Greatest Generation™ puttering about in Lamborghinis, twin-turbo Bentley Continentals, Land Rover Sports, et al. When we were kids, we exacted harsh penalties for party-goers spilling a single beer. A “beer crime” we called it. The only reason The Early Bird Special driving team gets away with the crime of under-utilizing this kind of vehicular firepower is because we don’t want to see their droopy naked butts long enough to paint them purple (it’s a long story).
- Doctor I. Don’t. Know.- Get off your phone. You’re not that important. Ever. Your inattentiveness is gonna get us killed. Hang up. Seriously. A wireless headset doesn’t count. You’re just not paying enough attention to piloting three tons of swerving mess.
Anything you’d like to add? Please do, just not while you’re driving. Thanks.
Your pal,
– bob