The Most Vile Human Being In Idyllwild*


Friends,

There’s another dog poisoner running around on the hill at the moment. His latest victim is not expected to survive the night and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t freaking out about it. The news came to me on Facebook and I wrote a comment, as you do (even though that may be the dumbest way to work out your feelings about an event ever in the history of human interaction, or non-interaction):

I would very much like for this person to be found. An arrest made, wherein this person is provided all of the legal protections that the law allows. For a psychological evaluation to be conducted, and lawyer to be at this person’s side for his defense. Don’t get me wrong, I do also wish bodily harm on this miscreant, but a conviction might send a stronger message. Hopefully.

But this isn’t what I initially wrote. I was a teensy bit more furious…

I would very much like for this person to be found. An arrest made, wherein this person is provided all of the legal protections that the law allows. For a psychological evaluation to be conducted, and lawyer to be at this person’s side for his defense. Then I would suggest that he be presented in a coliseum where mountain lions might remove his limbs in a terrible and violent fashion, but while he is delirious from the pain and loss of blood his final wish is granted – a last meal…

But I was worried about what the broader audience might think. They might judge! On social media!

– bob

UPDATE: From Facebook, “Jack’s dog was up walking, and ate something this morning, temperature spiked last night. Good news, but not out of the woods yet, since he was told that they did not think the dog would make it.” Did you know that keeping a mountain lion on retainer is surprisingly affordable? Must be the off-season.

Happy Anniversary, Apollo XI

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Friends,

Forty-three years ago, I got to stay up late to watch Uncle Walter Cronkite and Captain Wally Schirra hold their breath while the Apollo XI mission landed on the moon. They spoke in a nervous staccato to cover over the tension that July evening, but when word came that the landing was successful and they wiped the tears from their eyes, even a three year old could figure out that this was a very big deal.

Here’s a spliced-together version of footage of the landing from multiple sources that’s pretty great…

Apollo 11 Lunar Landing from Spacecraft Films on Vimeo.

…but click here to see what CBS News was actually able to send out that night, complete with models on sticks and dioramas recreating what they thought was happening. The embedded video above shows that events were much more dangerous than anybody let on at the time, but they were too busy not crashing to explain it to the rest of us at the moment.

There’s been a little gap between our first exploration of the moon and getting the base constructed there, as you know. After all, we’re going to need a jumping-off point to Mars and you can’t beat the neighborhood. Is it because they’re still looking for a really good architect?

– bob

The Week Where The People Came

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Friends,

The Damp Dog Lodge is a deceptively large place and can accommodate throngs of guests. With the July 4th holiday falling on a Wednesday this year, the onslaught was more of a trickle, dribbling in all week. It started with a visit from a beautiful girl the weekend before last, my parents stopping by in the middle of the week for a parade, then my sister’s family arrived to cap off the week. In the past, I haven’t dealt well with crowds in my solitary and very secret Alpine hideaway, but over time it seems natural—almost organic, to have a pile of people here laughing together and generally enjoying the place. I almost feel robbed by the randomness of the calendar this year, but there’s plenty more summer left to get people together for happy funtimes. Let’s get on this right away.

While you all are making your travel plans, let’s get on with the picture show!

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Here’s another scene from the parade. In this photo, you will see Randolph Mantooth and Kevin Tighe towing the Ghostbusters down North Circle Drive. I had a creepy feeling that the Ecto-1 needed service. Call it a hunch.

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You may think we didn’t have bands in the parade, but that’s because you limited your definition of “band” to groups who are marching. We’re here to smash your preconceived notions. Also, thanks cheap oil!

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“Vee are from Chermany!” she shouted as she trained her expensive video camera rig at the unwashed yokels gawking at her driver’s preposterous tricycle. She’ll have footage to show her European friends that Americans are weird and perpetually astonished. We now have a picture of her dopey ride to show them exactly why we were astonished.

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Robert’s Jalapeño Creme sauce is, if this banner is to be believed, what we always wanted. When he tapes Tums to the jars, I’ll be convinced. I don’t think my esophagus has truly recovered.

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These guys make my Mom cry. And by “my Mom” I mean everybody.

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I’m going to go ahead and call this a parade float. It was unsponsored showmanship just for the sake of it, which I applaud. I’m going to also go out on a limb and call their display really nutty.

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Unflinchingly patriotic, but wow. Just wow.

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The Quilting Club had an entry in this year’s parade, as they have for many past parades. This year, however, they quilted their pickup. I don’t know if I’m the first to say this, but I’m kinda digging their winch cozy and I see opportunities here. Hello, Kickstarter!

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They at least did a better job of replicating a mid-80s Chevrolet C20 fender than the cheap knock-offs at a cut-rate body shop. (Look, these are the jokes, folks. I will gladly refund the purchase price if you’re not fully entertained.)

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This scene is from last weekend, where my niece recreates the historic moment when Teddy Roosevelt threw a saddle on a brown bear and charged up San Juan Hill. As you do.

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And this scene suggests my nephew’s adoration of Philippe Petit. Amazing.

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One of the sections of the climbing wall at the new playground is called Suicide Rock. In this reenactment, my niece attempts to convince my brother-in-law that all hope is not lost.

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And in this picture, I end the post. Thanks for stopping by.

Your pal,

– bob

Things Intervene

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Friends,

Busy times around here have slowed posting to a crawl. I have a lot of pictures and descriptions of those pictures from last week queued up and ready to go, but just haven’t had time to assemble a cogent thought about them (and that’s different from any other time how? – ed). Tomorrow, my friends. Tomorrow.

In the meanwhile, I leave you to ponder the dumbest picnic table ever conceived.

Goodnight, everybody!

– bob

Cruelty Proponents Saddened

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Friends,

California’s foie gras ban begins today. Some people who are in favor of the forced overfeeding of geese for their enjoyment are pledging to fight against the law. Creepy.

Thought experiment for the chefs: your grandmother was reincarnated as a goose.

How does your fight sound now?

I thought so.

– bob

Thirty Days of Posts – The Thirtieth!

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Friends,

Our experiment in consistency has been a measured success. Because I’m posting in two places, both here and at the other site, traffic is coming from different places, so it’s not easy to see who’s coming from where. A little less than a third of the visitors to the Blogspot version have come from Russia though, so hello Russia!

And thanks to all of you Americans who stopped by this month. How’d I do? Would you care for me to keep this up?

Your comments are always welcome.

Your pal,

– bob

It’s Time To Talk About Presidential Politics

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Friends,

There are nitwits out there who are trying to spin the Supreme Court decision yesterday as a repudiation of the President’s position on health care. Those self-same nitwits choose to double down on the dumb and have decided that “the people” have lost their ability to choose whether or not to obtain healthcare insurance, which isn’t entirely true. You should read something about it to figure that part out, but here’s what has driven me to distraction today:

The Democrats, or at least the proponents of the health care law, seem to have lost the debate already. Everybody I’ve spoken to today thinks that jackbooted thugs will knock down their doors and force them to fill out papers and pay four figures to a government insurance plan. Or nearly everybody. The others think that the law itself has raised rates on existing plans. Neither of those things are true of course, but because the partisans on the left are so damn squishy about hurting people’s feelings in general, the argument is never made.

This is because arguments are so confrontational, right? We don’t want to make people, even those who are clearly wrong and arguably (there’s that word again. -ed) dumb as a bag of hair, feel bad. Everybody’s gotta be happy at the end of the day, don’t you think?

Well, no. They’re either misinformed or regurgitating a party line like greeks at a frat party proclaiming that Mickey’s Big Mouth is the best beer ever before letting loose their stomach contents all over your shoes.

Look, it was the Republicans who insisted that their insurance company donors be made whole by an individual mandate before they would sign on to the no pre-existing conditions and no lifetime caps provisions. So to all of you kids on the right who are losing your shit about this, I urge you to shut the entire fuck up. You broke the bill, so you bought it.

Health care costs have risen since the law was passed so insurers have raised their rates. These costs have risen because pharmaceutical companies, device manufacturers, malpractice insurers, and hospital holding companies among others are charging more now than they ever have. So by the ghost of Walter P. Chrysler, stop with the partisan bullshit. Also, because a very large majority of the people in this country are already insured, they won’t even notice a difference. The people who aren’t insured are very likely to work for or run small businesses who will either get waivers or can enroll in state-run pools for low cost coverage. This enlarged pool of the ensured is supposed to pay for the expansion of Medicaid (or MediCal, for those of us in this particularly golden state) to cover more people, including for the first time, single poor people.

I know that looking after the health of the poor offends a lot of people, particularly in this election year, but I would suggest that those people who are offended take a minute to think. I hear from the right wing partisans that taxes on the rich are bad because someday they might be rich. Let’s say that your fortunes go the other way. Let’s pretend that you end up being the exact opposite of rich. I, and people like me, would like to make sure that you’re fed, clothed, housed and that your medical needs are taken care of. Even though I strongly disagree with your magical economic thinking, I do actually care about your well being. I would very much like for you to indemnify yourself against stratospheric costs should you become ill, but if you can’t afford it, I think we can all get together and help you out until you get back on your feet. This, in a large and still prosperous country like ours, is a very small sacrifice for the greater good.

Because a large minority of the populace doesn’t get this, it becomes an election issue. To my mind, that’s an indictment on the people working for the President who are supposed to be crafting the message, not the issue itself. Yes, yes, yes, little Margaret stubbed her toe and the MRI bankrupted her family. That’s not as sad as a video of a shivering puppy backed by the saddest song Sarah McLachlan has ever sung, so it’s time to change the tune. To wit:

  • The health of Americans is a national imperative.
  • It is in everyone’s interest to ensure that the public is healthy.
  • The productivity of the American economy depends on a robust and healthy workforce.
  • American businesses lose billions of dollars a year due to sick days.
  • Our international business competitors rely on government health care as a subsidy to ensure a healthy workforce.
  • By shifting the burden away from business-supplied health care to individuals, we bolster our global competitiveness.
  • (I can’t believe I just wrote that. It’s true, but, yikes.)
  • Our political system will not currently allow for a single-payer health care system, so this is what you get.

Okay, scratch that last one, but we might be able turn the doubters around with the other points, right?

Right?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

– bob

Let’s Talk About Healthcare!

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Friends,

Well, let’s see here. The Supreme Court today upheld the individual mandate of the Affordable Care Act and there are a lot of people who tend towards the right-wing end of the political spectrum who are upset about it. What they don’t mention is that requiring people to buy private insurance was a sop to the right in the first place. Can’t have universal health care, you know.

Because, you know, healthy Americans are gross or something. So hooray for acceptance of deeply flawed but important legislation!

I feel better already.

– bob

It’s Time To Talk About My Noisy Neighbors



Friends,

My neighbors invited some nice people to entertain their guests this evening. It’s a pleasant summer evening, so they decided to move their very raucous party out to the deck and I couldn’t be happier.

Let’s agree to please keep this up all summer.

Your pal,

– bob

P.S. I might be late for work tomorrow.

Download This!

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Friends,

If you enjoy podcasts, hate having to sync with a wire before you head out the door, and have an Apple iOS device, get Podcasts from the iTunes App Store. Browse episode lists and stream your selections on the fly. Stop cussing the wire.

And here’s a fun tip: start a podcast, then tap on the album art to expose a reel-to-reel deck with additional controls. Skeuomorphic!

I’m almost excited enough about this app to use it!

Almost.

– bob

Workplace Tips: Find Out Something Screwy To Stay Entertained

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Friends,

I do a little writing for a couple of little things for little place down at sea level and I’ve been working on a project that’s required a bunch of research to get right. Our little endeavor is named after a character who makes a brief appearance in a reasonably popular book and I thought I knew her 2,000+ year old story. It turns out I only knew a small part from Tuesday’s catechism classes. New testament, etc. You get the idea.

What I did not know, and which I’ve been blabbing about at work incessantly since I stumbled upon it, is that the namesake of our little confabulation has a larger story. Our saint, after the brief mention in a book, moved to France and slayed dragons. There, I said it. There are people out there on several of the internets who are devoted to our saint’s late life badassery, but that’s not really my point here.

My point is that there are secrets hidden in plain sight at work. If you take the time to look for them, you can remain endlessly entertained and not lose what little is left of your spirt.

Or I’m just making excuses. Which is likely.

– bob

It’s Time To Talk About Saabs

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Friends,

I know you’re not a complete loon, but I just thought I’d mention that the very last Saabs imported into the United States are going up for auction at their respective ports of entry. Here’s your last chance to own a marginally weird near-luxury car from a defunct Swedish marque before they’re all gone. Considering the potential for massive discounts, would you take a chance? Remember, no warranty, no parts, no dealers, and no service except from Sven around the corner.

Now how much would you pay?

– bob

It’s Time To Think About Zoogz Rift

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Friends,

At this particular point in history, with a weakened economy, social unrest brewing, multiple ongoing wars and uneasy international alliances, it’s important to remember our great American heroes. Their voices may have been stifled while they were alive, but in retrospect the pronouncements made through their art seem even more prescient.

To understand the architecture of despotism, or even authoritarian regimes, one need only look as far as the work of Zoogz Rift. From this fellow’s website, follow the links to a large sampling of Mr. Rift’s oeuvre, then sample his important policy statements like his Secret Marines Suite, or his indictment of throwaway consumer culture in Art Band.



Testify.

– bob

Firemanship!

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Friends,

My Mom came across some of my paternal grandfather’s scouting memorabilia and was particularly tickled by this merit badge certificate. Firemanship! Let’s ask the internet if that’s a thing…

fire·man·ship noun \ˈfī(ə)rmənˌship\ : the practice, skill, or occupation of fire fighting

Merriam-Webster wins the boring award. Surely somebody can be more emotionally engaged on the subject, wouldn’t you think? I know! Let’s ask the Alabama Fire College!

The Firemanship I course is designed to provide the student with basic information on fire service organization, the fireground environment, fire fighter safety, the science of fire and fire behavior utilizing classroom lectures and discussions.

Lectures and discussions about fire? Not that interesting for a 14 year old boy in 1921, I’ll wager.

It’s at least worth a merit badge, don’t you think?

Your pal,

– bob