Author: bob

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Jaunty Dumptruck O’News! – Critter Alert!

Friends,

I wouldn’t normally post something like this because the underlying story is fairly sad, but you can’t ignore the craft displayed by master Press-Enterprise wordsmith Richard Brooks in this case. Behold:

A dead horse is creating a traffic hazard along 58th Avenue just east of La Quinta, according to the California Highway Patrol website.

The carcass was reported at 5:18 a.m. in the westbound lanes at Jackson Street and was still in the roadway at 6:14 a.m.

There was no word on what caused the critter’s death.

Just keep the quality high, and the readers will come. The cream floats to the top, you know.

– bob

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Normal Programming Resumed

Friends,

I’ve returned to my piney paradise from a city that can best be described as immediately pre-apocalyptic. It’s a study in contrasts!

A lot has happened while I’ve been in a news blackout. “Red Ink” Rick Wagoner was punted from the corner office at GM and the Dodge Boys are going to learn how to have more fun in Italian. Also, the European debate team will be having a friendly discussion about economic policy during the meeting of the G20 in London by storming the Bank of England. On top of all that, the Justice Department has dropped their case against Uncle Ted Stevens!

Should your faithful Indian guide put his ear to the ground, he will likely make out “four riders, coming from the North…” Not too late to turn around, kemosabe.

– bob

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Jaunty News Alert! – Deadly Weapons!

Yeah, I got nothing.Friends,

It’s well-known that terror gangs are roving the streets of Riverside, California. Their currency is fear and intimidation, of course, and Press-Enterprise star reporter Tammy McCoy brings us the latest in this escalating maelstrom of violence…

Three people were arrested Wednesday after a pregnant woman walking with her 10-year-old child was pelted with oranges by a passing motorist, according to Riverside Police.

The woman was hit twice and had marks on her skin after being hit with oranges by people in a blue sports utility vehicle, according to a department shift summary log.

Police linked the same SUV to another incident and they were arrested, according got [sic] the log.

Fresh fruit doesn’t bruise people, people hurling fresh fruit bruises people.

[some dude who doesn’t need any more exposure], 19, of Riverside; his younger brother [brother of that dude], 18, also of Riverside; and [their idiot friend who also thought this was a good idea], 18, of Riverside, were arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, police said. They were throwing oranges at others in the area earlier in the evening, police said.

They bring a loquat, you bring a tangelo. It’s the Riverside way…

– bob

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This Amazing Year! – You Bring The Tar, I’ll Bring The Feathers

Friends,

I have a theory and it posits that the first people to receive proper pitchfork treatment from the enraged masses will be California legislators. I know, I know, there’s a good case to be made for the Chicago Mayor and his staff, but the fine people of the Second City strangely keep voting for that guy so they must love him. Besides, privatizing parking meters is merely shortsighted in my humble opinion.

What about the good stuff, like the party that runs this state? Capitol Weekly’s wise beyond his namesake Big Daddy describes the Democrats thusly:

The “party” is just a P.O. Box shy of a shell corporation in the Cayman Islands. It’s like -1 or your happy childhood—when you really stop to think about it, it doesn’t even exist.

Certainly it’s not merely a money pump. Isn’t there influence to be peddled there as well?

The job of party chairman is part babysitter and part money launderer. With campaign finance limits being what they are, the entire system is geared to move money through the political parties. It’s the party chairman’s job to make sure that everyone has their pot of money lined up, and that all the juice moves where it’s supposed to.

Sounds nice, but once the money and the power are in place, what should be done with it? The answer, clearly, is to advance The Agenda Of Idiots.

There’s a fun story making the rounds today about a study conducted by the tin-plate potentates over at the California Air Resources Board. Their recent presentation suggests that you’ll use more gasoline if your car is too warm inside and the air conditioner runs more. More gas means more warmy gasses coming out of your tailpipe which makes polar bears spontaneously drown. Their solution is mandating more reflectivity for surfaces of your car. Deeper tints on the windows, lighter paint colors. Black paint is a big fat bummer in this regard, so they’re studying the feasibility of legislating paint colors.

The special election coming up to ratify pieces of the recent state budget deal is anticipated to have the lowest voter turnout ever by percentage. Participating in the election might be a good way to avoid the “felony assault with a farm implement” charges. Just sayin’.

– bob

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This Amazing Year! – I Scope The Lobe

Friends,

The economy is forcing most people, myself included, to put their heads down and stay out of trouble at work. If you’ve got a job, you know that you’ve settled in and have decided to put up with the knuckleheads in the office. They’re swiping staplers, asking you for pointless reports, and casting other meaningless grief onto your doorstep. What to do?

Absolutely nothing. Not until Q3.

[sigh]

– bob

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Idyllwild Weather Clam Says, “huh?”

Our gal, clam.Friends,

Our own Idyllwild Weather Clam spent yesterday by the tide pool sunning herself, but today is digging through her wardrobe for the electric blanket. The snow is falling this morning but it’s not cold enough to stick. The wind has picked up and rain gutters have pulled away from their mounts.

She’s provided a couple snapshots stolen from the internet! Don’t blame me, blame the mollusk.

Webcam shot from bobtherieau.com.That was this morning. There’s also this from the good people at The Green Cafe.

The real Georgia's?Closer to town, Georgia’s (which is still around, believe it or not) has a very grey picture this morning. Notice there are no tourists. Bad news for the merchant of rocks and shiny rocks.

Reading the Clam’s late-breaking weather ticker, she also notes that the cloud ceiling has dropped. So if you’re flying into Idyllwild International Airport this morning, it’s strictly IFR. Good luck with that!

Your pal,

bob

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Happy First Day of Spring!

It's the vernal equinox, know what I mean?Friends,

Springtime has arrived. The tiny flowers are in bloom, the hay is only considering becoming feverish, and everybody else seems to have ants in their pants (i prefer aunts. – ed). The weather down here in the Festival of Dirt has been mild over the last week as have the temperatures up on the Hill. The forecast for Sunday, however, calls for snow.

Photographic evidence to come…

– bob

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Happy Evacuation Day!

Friends,

On March 17th 1776, British army generals made the decision to skeedaddle from Boston to avoid another pasting like they recieved at Bunker Hill. Boston Harbor was General Washington’s prize. Our reward is that it gives newspaper editors something to complain about.

What will you do to celebrate the day? Flee to Nova Scotia? Wear your red coat?

You certainly weren’t considering something foolish like banishing snakes, were you?

– bob

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Weekend News Thing

Friends,

It’s a lot colder here than it was supposed to be. Our delightful Idyllwild Weather Clam had it right with temps much colder than the national media, but would I listen? No!

This is because I am dim. Guilty as charged.

You’ll also notice that I have no new news to report, except that the Task Force members have landed in Detroit to check in on General Motors. Are their plans going to lead to profitability? Only if they get a few more billion dollars.

In my informed opinion, they need to get scrappy! Take a lesson from the boys from Kenosha (pre-Javelin Matador Coupe, trust me)…

What would you do?
Think about it for a minute.

– bob

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The Auto Industry Is Fine, Nothing To Worry About

Di Salvo's American Motors - courtesy Hemmings Blog
Friends,

In case you’ve missed out on the fun carnage in the American automotive industry, the dreadnought that is The Truth About Cars has been on the case. Could it be worse than Fiat buying 35% of Chrysler with no money? Yes!

  • Former Beijing Jeep getting loans from the City of Beijing to buy Chrysler? Vipers flooding Tiananmen Square coming soon.
  • The United Auto Workers agree to take an equity stake in Ford rather than cash to fund their health care trust. To save costs, analgesics will be mixed in the paint. If grandpa gets a headache, he’ll have to lick the Mustang.
  • Some old guy thinks GM should go bankrupt. Condemns unions for not planting apple trees now for workers to sell on street corners later.

I even heard a discussion on NPR today about whether America even needs a domestic auto industry. Astounding.

– bob

UPDATE: Added link to Warren Olney’s To The Point program from yesterday. Who needs a Stairmaster when this’ll get your heart rate right up there?

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Sunday Coyote

This is very uncommon. It’s the middle of the afternoon and I caught a coyote traipsing across the yard…

Sunday's coyote.
Here’s as much detail as I could wring out of that picture…

Could be Bigfoot.
We really shouldn’t be seeing this kind of activity. Maybe delicious bunnies are scarce and they’ve turned their attention to delicious tourists.

– bob

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New Baby Alert!

Artist's interpretation...Friends,

As of very, very early this morning, my new nephew arrived in this world. From what I hear, everybody’s doing fine and young master William has all the requisite bits in place. Even in the right places!

I’m now that much more uncle-y! Ain’t it grand?

Your pal,

– (uncle) bob

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Happy Saturday!

Looking up.

Friends,

It was a lovely day here on the Hill today. The nice thing is that I could actually enjoy the day as this flu thing begins to abate.

– bob

P.S. Here’s another picture. Imagine if you ask a dog “would you like for me to take your picture?” and the dog says “no, not really.” Enjoy!

When dogs say no.

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This Amazing Year! – Vision Of Evil Convicted Of Evildoing

Oh, you know.Friends,

A Riverside County jury, after deliberating far longer than I would’ve required, has convicted Raymond Lee Oyler of murder and arson. Future resident of hell, Oyler, was found guilty of starting the Esperanza Fire, killing five firefighters and burning down homes. The penalty phase of the trial is anticipated to take up to four weeks to complete, but once again, I can speed up the process!

Let’s look at the facts: he’s been proven to be fond of fire, he looks down a lot, and we can really do without this guy hanging around. That’s right, I’m recommending exacting brutal vengeance! Either I’m recommending it, or the cold medicine is. You be the judge!

Your best pal in the whole (now brighter) world,

– bob