Author: bob

Posted on

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik

Would you rather…
base your brand marketing on typos,
or
smuggle missile launch codes in the firmware of a Yamaha HTR-5930SL 550W XM-ready home theatre receiver with Dolby Pro Logic, seven DSP sound fields, and Night Listening Mode?

a) Try our new Egg, SPAM, and Poi pizza rolls! New, from Questinos!
b) I swear, I was just programming the radio!

We’re gonna stop picking on the 50th state any day now.

– bob

Posted on

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Would you rather…
hire twenty Minnesotans to exhale deadly carbon dioxide into your greenhouse,
or
be the road manager for “The Alaskan Don Ho”?

a) Screw Miracle-Gro.
b) In this core sample, you can see tiny bubbles…

Shut yer’ particulate trap!

– bob

Posted on

Special Holiday Shopping Edition!

Would you rather…
be known as “The Original Wrapper” at booth 138 downstairs at the mall,
or
hold the balloon that tells shoppers where to line up for checkout?

a) Mad props start hailin’ when the Scotch Tape’s flailin’
b) “Yes, like the balloon says, this is the end of the line.”

Picking strawberries is starting to look pretty good right now…

– bob

Posted on

A New Holiday Tradition

Friends,

I’ve been away from writing something substantial for a while, but this is just too good. First, are the delightful Thanksgiving bits. The folks, the sisters, the cutest nephew ever (Oh, I still win. Don’t even think about it.) and our significant others were in attendance. The house performed nearly flawlessly. The heater worked when it felt like it and the wood stove had a little smoky flue problem, but that was it! My Dad considers anything below eighty degrees to be the harbinger of the next ice age, so he was uncomfortable. I also thought that the family left too soon (Feh. Jobs. Whatever.)

Delicious food and good fun was had by all though. I had way too much fun with my nephew just screwing around. He had plenty of play time with everyone, but there was some very important knuckleheadedness to be done. Like this:

But back to the tradition. Last year, my next door neighbors thought it’d be real fun to burn their house down. The fine folks at the Idyllwild Fire Department had other ideas though, only allowing a minor conflagration.

This year, my neighbors across the street decided to pick up the baton with a nice chimney fire. And once again, the Idyllwild Fire Department had something to say about that too.

Sure, that’s fun, but what about the Tree Lighting Ceremony? Glad you asked. Here’s a tree.

More later…

– bob

Posted on

A Time To Give Thanks

Would you rather…
disclose the number of Aunt Ina’s chin whiskers you removed from the gravy,
or
discover the secret ingredient in her stuffing recipe?

a) No thanks, I couldn’t eat another bite.
b) What a refreshing spearmint flavor…

…but pass on the corn muffins. Trust me.

– bob

Posted on

Houseblogging – Indoor Plumbing Edition

Pals,

I’ve finally managed to set the sink, run GE’s finest clear sealant around the edge, install a new faucet, and turn on the water. Short of having a fit, or discussing design philosophy, or ruminating on ergonomic or economic decisions, I’ll just put up a couple pictures. Here’s the final product,


…and in case you’ve forgotten, here’s what I started with.


Maybe it was a mistake to mess with perfection, eh?

– bob

Posted on

Tonight’s Top Story

Would you rather…
produce the local news story on The Big Storm,
or
long lines at the airport/holiday travel,
or
a kitten rescued from a tree
or
Black Friday crowds at the mall?

a) Thanksgiving Storm 2006!
b) How long have you been waiting?
c) Do it for Fluffy!
d) People are lined up around this bench for the new Atari…

Back to you in the studio,

– bob

Posted on

Houseblogging – Sanded Grout Edition

Friends,

This took much longer than I thought. Yeah, I put way too much water in the grout so I had to go to the local hardware store to get more (from a different brand in a different color). That’s not really what took so long, it just took a really long time.

Drying times, undercutting the underdone and way too sloppy grout with overly damp sponge. All the dumb mistakes of an amateur are here for your perusal. Behold!


The tiles are laid,


the sloppy grout was a mess,

but it turned out just swell. Don’t you think?

What a lovely day.

– bob

Posted on

I See Pavement

That’s ridiculous.

This was certainly a Monday. I haven’t really had one of your “I hate Monday” Mondays in a while. Today kind of made up for it. I upgraded some software on some servers in one of America’s Finest Almost As Good As Dysfunctional Cities last weekend and the ease of the install was balanced by the problems surfacing today.

Things started broken and the love just flowed from there. Not simple catching up from the weekend problems either. A copier here, a balky DVD driver there, the emails back and forth with Mr. Boss, you’d think things were going badly.

The day went as long as you would imagine after all that bullshit. But my day was beautiful and relaxing compared to Mrs. Toyota Highlander driving in front of me this afternoon. We were headed up through the twisty bits, past the fire station in Pinyon through the evening shadows. I hated the low light and the tight formation in front and behind but she seemed bored. The slow left sweep was easy enough, but didn’t seem to warrant even her steering input. Not left, straight.

The result was not the obvious falling into the abyss moment, but more moon buggy action over rocks and low manzanita. She corrected and stayed out of, well, being dead. No airbag deployment, but she was fully shaken. As her fun house ride took her 60 degrees from vertical at one point, I saw an Allstate commercial playing out in slow motion in front of me. She hooked a wheel on a tree which righted her and left me with room to slow to a stop. She looked fine, but I was in no mood to stop and confirm. I think I recovered from my own heart attack about five miles later.

Four miles after that, I informed the fine folks at the Garner Valley fire station. Aw, too close to Pinyon. They weren’t worried, so I wasn’t either.

Houseblogging? Not today since I got back to my little alpine nirvana well after dark. More tomorrow, I hope.

Your best (alive) pal,

bob

UPDATE: Does this qualify for a Genius! post? It’s quick, you’ll love it. Report came in of a failed mouse. Our friend was moving it all around, but damned if the cursor would move. People checked connections, drivers, but nothing seemed to fix the problem. Until they figured out what she was pushing around the mousepad—her cell phone. Yep.

Posted on

Let’s Get Ready To Be Really Nice!

Would you rather…
give your donations to the winner of Charity Cage Match,
or
hire the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Champion to decide?

a) I’m lookin’ at you Red Cross!
b) Jerry Lewis always throws scissors first…

Punches for Pints? That’s not right.

– bob