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That’s A Sticky Wicket, Eh What?
Would you rather…
buy a prepaid imaginary cellphone to talk to your imaginary friend,
or
organize the inaugural “Talk Like a 19th Century Upper-Class Twit Day”?
a) No more nasty overages.
b) I say, old chap!
Yesterday’s Winner: Everybody eats when we come to what’s left of your house.
Really? Ringtones too?
– bob
Yeah, Crepes, Sure. You Want One Or Not?
Would you rather…
name your new baby to honor a NASCAR legend,
or
lead a United Nations catering contingent?
a) Little Humpy
b) UNFLAPJACKSCOM
Friday’s Winner: “Everyone wants their car keys.” (you knew that was going to happen, didn’t you? – ed)
In today’s political climate, we thought that “Smokey” might keep her from reaching her potential.
– bob
Chicken Soup For People Who Enjoy Soup
Would you rather…
live in interesting times,
or
find what you’re looking for?
a) Dude, you won’t hit India sailing west, but go for it anyway, trust me.
b) Peace, love, understanding, and HEY! my car keys!
Yesterday’s Winner: “Preferably pounding the preparation into a palate-pleasing paste.”
Brother, can you spare a ducket?
– bob
Pathetic
Would you rather…
prepare for puppies in the pound petite pizzas piled with pâté, peaches, prawns, pickles and pimentos,
or
preferring her prized possessions, pretend to propose to your parsimonious partner?
a) No pork for the Pekinese, they’re picky!
b) Please, Princess!
Yesterday’s Winner: Tie!
Ptooie!
– bob
This Is Gonna Hurt
Would you rather…
be stuck on a corner in Winslow AZ,
or
left standing in the lurch, at a church?
a) Such a fine sight to see!
b) Alone again, naturally
Yesterday’s Winner: R.I.P. Tower
It’s a girl! My lord!
– bob
MDCCCLVII-Mobile
Would you rather…
purchase Tower Records’ assets,
or
open a Radio Shack in Lancaster, PA?
a) I know! We’ll call the stores Licorice Pizza!
b) Yes sir, it’s a dish that collects movies out of the sky…
Yesterday’s Winner: “Sneezes with Ammo”
Sam Goody’s on line seven.
– bob
Did You Ever Notice?
Would you rather…
have to register your sneezes as concealed weapons,
or
install child safety locks on your eyebrows?
a) Achoo! Duck!
b) They don’t call ’em rogue hairs for nothing.
Friday’s Winner: Tie!
That concrete dust is a killer.
– bob
Houseblogging – Ahhh…
Hey Pals,
Remember this shot from a couple winters ago?
How about this shot from a couple days ago?
This is a little better, no?
I think so too.
Your pal,
bob
P.S. Oh sure, watching paint dry is fun, there’s nothing funner, really. It just wasn’t a day for that kind of fun, so I started to put up some panelling instead. 
Note the angles. Also note how the panelling covers up the weird non-plumb, non-square framing underneath. Can’t see it?
Houseblogging – Gooey + Itchy
Friends,
I’ve spent the last couple days shooting foam insulation into gaps, silicone into smaller gaps, and putty into still smaller gaps. Certainly I’m glad that it’s done, but the pictures are deadly dull. I’ll have others later, once the paint is applied. Until then, not so much.
The fiberglass insulation went in without incident except the the itchy problem. Scratching, scratching, scratching. I was prepared for that to the extent that you can be, but there was something that I wasn’t ready for.
My Dad and I had filled up the back of the mighty Dakota with construction debris (read: plexiglas). Yesterday was the day to dump it off at, well, the dump. I secured the load and took off. Not one minute into the trip I remembered that I had forgotten coffee, an essential fortification for the long, arduous, mile-long trip. I flipped the thing around (as much as that’s possible with that creaky crate) and headed up the driveway. Transmission in First, parking brake set, I slammed the door and headed back into the house to retrieve my now-precious coffee. Then, pop.
The parking brake had let go and the truck started backing down the driveway, pointed at the neighbor’s house on the low side across the street. The engine was slowly spinning backwards, picking up speed. It was as good a time as ever to panic, so I did. Could I hold it back myself? Not by grabbing the window frame. Should I jump in and hope to find the brake pedal in time? That was the last best choice and worked out okay. I made it to the edge of the driveway before it was fully stopped.
Pals, it was at this point when I questioned the need for coffee—ever. It’s pretty exciting to have a runaway car, but I figured “I’ve been through too much for a stupid cup of joe and I’ll be damned if it’s not coming with me.” So it did.
Deep breath.
Your pal,
bob
Friday! Friday! Friday!
Would you rather…
mount twin jet engines on your Honda Metropolitan scooter,
or
run your Weed Eater on nitro methane?
a) “My wife wanted to go faster than 40 MPH, and I had these two little JFS 100s…”
b) Yeah, we run carbon fiber string under a 3/8-inch scatter shield. It’s all about safety.
Yesterday’s Winner: “Candy canes? Are you trying to mock me?”
No afterburners yet, saving ’em for the skateboard.
– bob
TV Party Tonight!
Would you rather,
deliver one-liners like Horatio Caine,
or
Gregory House?
a) “I don’t think this drowning was an accident, somebody got in too deep.”
b) “there’s no “I” in “team”. there is a “me” though, if you jumble it
up.”
Yesterday’s Winner: Now, about that new heart…
We’ve got nothing better to do…
– bob
Another Shot Of Prestone? You’re Cut Off.
Would you rather,
be galvanized
or
freeze-dried?
a) No rust!
b) No burns!
Yesterday’s Winner: “I’m not retiring, I’m graduating!” (editor’s note: sigh…)
Try the Zinc-encrusted Halibut.
– bob
Houseblogging – The Great Plexiglas Massacre!
Kids,
The previous owners had a love affair with the amazing plastic glass. After all, it doesn’t break (yes it does), it’s easy to clean (if you get around to it), it’s easy to work with (if you enjoy frustration), and it never turns yellow (unless it’s exposed to the sun).
They made a sort of panoramic window out of the stuff on the back of the house. Double-glazed, even. They didn’t seal it though, so weather and critters treated it like their own private ecosystem. Those folks didn’t buy full sheets either, so they put in supports where ever their sheets ended. Which was anywhere.
I may have already mentioned that the previous owners had a different idea about winterizing. They continued their dual-glazing theme, but with a metal security door. On this, they applied sheets of plexiglas front and back, screwed together all the way through, and called ‘er good. No, they didn’t have a real door. Why bother, when you have plexi security door thing?
In lieu of the panoramic window, I opted to continue the wall up to the eaves. Just hard backing for a lot of insulation, I guess. I know, weird.
What’s all the more strange is that my Dad and I put in a new steel-clad entry door. Not too expensive, but being pre-hung really sped things up. I intensely dislike cutting in hinges, so the extra money over a plain slab was worth it. Besides, we could devote that energy to something else, like clearing out a great big hole where the security door used to be.
There is also a catch basin off the driveway into the back room. Why they thought that design was a good idea is anybody’s guess (so fire away in the comments, I can’t make sense of it). We built up the threshold to keep at least six inches of water at bay. If any more than that comes, I’m out of luck.
The door’s in now, leaving me with trim work and all of the interior to do yet. Don’t worry, it’ll get done. It’s only Tuesday!
Your pal,
bob
As Pipe Wrench Is To Plumber…
Would you rather…
deliver an opaque and unintelligible retirement speech,
or
scramble to get your snake charmer license before you travel?
a) “I’m graduating today to know that the true blessing is knowing me.”
b) It’s not like I’m carrying on liquids! I’ve got a business to run!
Yesterday’s Winner: “So’s them there second cousins can finally get hitched and…”
Oh, Junior. We agree (we think).
– bob
Houseblogging – Destructo!
Friends,
Time for a little exploratory surgery on the back of the house this afternoon. I got a late start on it, but I’m on vacation so I thought sleeping in past 5:00 would be appropriate. As for the wonders we found, there were only a few:
Pictures tomorrow, when the light’s better. You’ll hate them!
Your pal,
bob