If You Say So
Would you rather…
mince words,
or
pussyfoot around?
a) Not exactly bad-bad.
b) Well, um, sure, I guess.
If that’s okay with you,
bob
I Told You Never To Call Me Here
Would you rather…
gravity increases threefold at 12:40 p.m. PST today,
or
mistake the calls on the mobile phone implanted in your ear for psychosis?
a) Heavy.
b) The voices told me to refinance my mortgage.
Right on schedule,
bob
Tonight We Eat Like Administrators!
Would you rather…
have your life turned into a sea story by a sad and lonely Navy Chief,
or
have insufficient rights on your home network to use the microwave?
a) I’m not kidding, this really happened…
b) Item ‘cheese sandwich’ is locked or in use.
You need to get out more,
bob
Write What You Know
If that were the guiding principle here, the page would be all design-y borders with a big blank space in the middle. Maybe I’ll just write what I’ve seen over the last few days instead. I don’t actually know what’s happening, but that has never stopped me before.
But let’s get the greetings out of the way first:
Welcome Question Refugees!
As I’ve whined elsewhere, not only has my Lovely Writing Partner abandoned the Question Project, but now My Beautiful and Talented Bride™ has as well. We all used to work together over an instant messaging service to cook up a question for your consumption every weekday. My partner would send out email to a group, a task I now handle, and the missus would post to a special companywide bulletin board.
She stopped doing that as of a week or so ago.
She has sent folks here today for their Question fix. I’m glad so many of you decided to visit, and I hope you’ll stick around for some more stupid crap. Henceforth, only from the keyboard of me. I promise to continue the tradition of ill-considered, half-baked nonsense though, so you can stop worrying that anything of substance will change.
[begin rant] Not that I’m bitter that everyone bailed or anything. Circumstances change and I understand that. It was certainly getting much more difficult to get everyone together to collaborate, but still, geez.[end rant]
404 The TLAs
I’m the primary contact at the Omnipresent Non-Profit Charitable Organization for the company installing our new phone system. That’s just fine in itself. I’ve developed a rapport with the programmer who is trying to make the new gizmos retain at least as many functions as the old gizmos. (by the way, they’re not phones, they’re “sets.” get it straight, bub)
Even this wouldn’t be a problem if we knew exactly what the old system actually does. Which numbers ring where? Who can pick up what line? Who is prohibited from picking up what line? What happens when the fax machine tries to get an outside line?
And I’m asking people these questions who don’t know what the right buttons on their mouse does (before the snickering begins, Macs can have two-button mice too. you end up with a control-click unless you change it to do something else, like do all of your work faster in a more stable operating system environment—but I digress.)
The information I need to plan the functions of the phones is trickling in, mostly in the form of a panicky phone call to my boss whenever I publish a new, new revised phone list. By the way, the new system goes live at the end of next week. My contract with said charity ends a week after that.
Happy dialing kids!
Your pal,
bob
Not Enough Indians
Would you rather…
receive an executive title solely to inflate your self-worth,
or
run the chutney concession on reservation land in New Mexico to accommodate errant immigrants from Bombay?
a) Executive Vice President of Mopping the Floor In the Upstairs Bathroom
b) You want persecution? Just look at the price of mangos!
Too many chiefs,
bob
Call Doctor Stu, Babe
Would you rather…
keep a loaded flintlock rifle under your pillow,
or
undergo more plastic surgery than Cher?
a) Click!
b) No, I think it looks very natural…
Bang bang,
bob
Steamed
Would you rather…
emigrate from the old country with a dream of one day growing potatoes,
or
that you spouse tells wild lies about you at parties?
a) Ah, lovely pertayters…
b) Oh, you just wait…
Boiled,
bob
Den Beste Does It Again
The Captain of USS Clueless has created an animated GIF (click on “an animated GIF file”) that compiles progress maps of the fires in San Diego County and animates them for your viewing pleasure (or horror, in my case). Disagree with his politics if you want, but his ability to distill information down to understandable and usable nuggets is what qualifies him as a genius.
So forehead-slapping obvious, but why didn’t anybody else think of that? Because he’s clever and we’re not, that’s why.
Your pal,
– bob
An Eye Patch Should Do The Trick
Would you rather…
your company’s HR Department takes over the Halloween party,
or
be consumed by evil spirits because your costume wasn’t convincing?
a) Join us from 10:00 to 10:30 in the Activity Room.
b) Oh please! You drew on that beard…
Have fun at the Harvest Festival,
bob
God Save Save Save Save The Queen
Would you rather…
purchase a live performance of a single song in your home for 99 cents while shopping online,
or
demand a refund when the band doesn’t reproduce the skip on your CD?
a) “We love you 4725 42nd Street! Good night!”
b) That’s not how it goes…
I get around,
bob
Tense and Nervous
Would you rather…
light a signal fire while lost during a hunting trip into the backcountry,
or
be the officer in charge of protecting the hunter from angry mobs?
a) I saw it on “MacGyver” once.
b) We’ve got a safe house in Julian…
I can’t relax,
bob
What People Can Do
I’m going to break a rule of mine and tell you where I work. Initially, I was going to write some cute thing about a “friend of mine,” but that seemed increasingly dumb the more I thought about it.
I work in the I.T. Department at Saint Vincent de Paul Villages, supporting the computers, phones, and other gizmos that help those who deal directly with those less fortunate than ourselves do their jobs. Instead of fiddling with computers, I’ve spent the last two days assisting the warehousemen accept donations from the public, and loading those donations into trucks to be dispersed throughout the county. Restaurants delivered freshly-cooked food. Individuals brought everything from soap to blankets to clothes to more food. Civic groups brought their own donation collections to us for distribution.
We’re not only distributing food and clothing to our own shelters around the county, but also delivering necessities to the other shelters and evacuation points. Follow the link above if you have something to donate, but here are some tips:
- Don’t bring toys. They have plenty.
- If you can swing it, they can really use small gas grilles, propane bottles, and even generators for homes with life support equipment but no electric service.
- You can bring perishable food to 3350 E Street. They have a refrigeration unit that you can drive a truck into and they can certainly handle a lot of food. Their cooks are busy preparing meals for displaced families around the clock.
- Baby stuff is a huge need. Jars of baby food, formula, and diapers are most welcome.
- Blankets, blankets, blankets. If you have them, they want them.
There’s a lot more stuff that they can use, especially cash to keep the trucks rolling, the barbeque grills hot, and those perishables cold.
For pictures from neighborhoods throughout the county and lists of links, go see Citizen Smash, San Diego Blog, and Science Meets Art.
There, I feel much better now.
Your pal,
– bob
P.S. If you were thinking of sending me donations to forward to them, I’m all for it. I can’t give you a receipt though. Everything that goes in the Amazon Pity Box from now until….oh, let’s say November 15th…goes to the fire fund at Saint Vincent de Paul. Sound okay?
UPDATE: This is pretty neat for me. Network World Fusion mentioned this post in their compendium of the week’s events. Does that mean that I’m pretty important? Only if you wish to believe that (and I won’t stop you).
Delicious!
Would you rather…
freshen your breath with Manzanita Mouthwash,
or
be known as The Wood Shake Shingle King?
a) For that working-the-fire-line clean.
b) Ready for immediate delivery…please!
Refreshing,
bob
Your Ticket To Learn?
San Diego County, like much of Southern California is on fire. In fact, the area around My Beautiful and Talented Bride™’s workplace is burning. That’s pretty close to us, actually. Not so close that we’re in any danger whatsoever, but close enough that the sky overhead is dark and everything is covered in ash. Great big ash flakes are falling here, just to give you an idea of the severity and the proximity.
UPDATE: The mayor, chief of police, and the fire chief are on teevee. The maps with the Xs and Os look pretty grim. “We have not seen anything of this magnitude in the city of San Diego for quite some time,” says the chief.
So, how’s your day?
– bob
UPDATE II: I hate to do this, but here’s a link to the fire coverage at the San Diego Union-Tribune (only because the U-T is generally terrible, journalism-speaking). Here’s a link to Channel 10’s coverage too. And make no mistake, this fire is very bad. The President is expected to declare San Diego County a disaster area tomorrow. The lame duck governor, however, hasn’t made a statement. Figures.
UPDATE III: Here are some pictures taken by my Lovely Writing Partner in Poway yesterday. Truly spectacular.
These images might have said “run like hell” to me, but apparently they said “gee, that’s interesting” to the photographer. Nutty? Maybe.
I’m Blaming It On Solar Flares
My favorite old-tech gizmo company X-10 has filed for bankruptcy. Very sad. I suppose I could have told them that pop-under ads were annoying and that they shouldn’t have spent their money on them, but alas, they didn’t ask.
On top of that, Apple introduced a G4 iBook the other day. This marks the official (but unspoken) death of the G3 like the processor that brings these noodlings to you every so often.
Once again, as my niece says, “Very sad, very sad.”
Is the universe mad at the things that I like? Has my curse raised its ugly head again? Remember, I killed Commodore by liking the Amiga. I also hold myself responsible for the death of American Motors, then Chrysler Corporation (both makers of Jeep, which I like). I’ve sent radio stations to inglorious ends. Brands of pants that fit. Breweries. Salsa makers. Restaurants. All gone.
Granted, I thought that Apple itself would go under simply because I adopted the Mac. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened.
Yet.
– bob