A Jaunty Little Blog

You Have The Right To Remain Silent

Would you rather…
be Kid Knievel’s stunt double,
or
have your every decision adjudicated by an international tribunal?

a) Missed. Again!
b) We the Court find, in the matter of you dating that girl…

Yesterday’s Winner (no big surprise here): I’m down to a bundt cake a day.

It’s a liability thing.

– bob

Back From Seattle, Not Lacking For New Content

Would you rather…
invent nicotine-laced cake frosting for quitters,
or
get all of your fashion advice from No-Pants Ben?

a) Chunky Monkey!
b) Drag!

Friday’s Winner: The Miracle Drug

I picked a hell of a time to stop…

– bob

A Jaunty Health Update!

Would you rather…
be a stem cell,
or
a miracle drug?

a) Today: toenail
b) Part of a one-drug cocktail!

Yesterday’s Winner: “I’m not so sure we should trust the toaster.”

Debating the ethics on the floor,

– bob

A Proper Post

Friends,

I don’t think I’ve put anything down beside The Question for weeks now. That not so fine situation has been gnawing for a while, so here’s a couple things that certainly need expansion. Time’s been a problem lately though and it doesn’t look like I’ll have any more of it for a while. Thanks for checking in though (hey there, France, glad you could make it!). August should be a little more relaxed.

In no order whatsoever:

• Last Friday, the single day I felt comfortable leaving work early to get stuff done around the house, was the first time the highway was closed since I’ve lived here. You’ve read the Times’ (not that one, the other one) article about Idyllwild by now. The one about how my little town is an inferno waiting to happen? The article fails to not mention the key element of our doom—there’s only two ways in or out of this joint. I take one of them.

  From what I’ve read, the fella in the Taurus wagon became bored with his lane so he drove up the hill in the only other one. That’s fine, I guess, except the traffic coming down the hill needed somewhere to drive as well. In this country (much like France) we tend to drive on the right hand side of the road unless there’s an oncoming car. The first SUV in the line (hello Italy!) opted to swerve and drive off the side into a gully. He was unharmed. The woman in the number two SUV wasn’t so lucky and hit Mr. Taurus head on. A witness in number three SUV related to the paper of record that “debris was flying all over the place…” Engine compartments from the Taurus and the Infiniti were gone. Victims earned a helicopter ride to the hospital and I, along with fifty or sixty of my closest friends sat waiting for the cleanup.

  An hour or so later, we were on our way. Much slower than normal though, chastened by the sight of the scene.

• Here’s a fun fact. Did you know that there has been a little rain storm up here every afternoon this week? Me neither! Except for the puddles. And the dampness.
• I visited my sister’s new place in Pasadena last weekend and it’s not the dump everyone has made it out to be! Sure, it’s not a four million dollar palatial estate like the other shacks on her street, but the place is mighty fine. Besides, those other places are likely inhabited by bitter old misers, in their death throes, heirs hovering. Where else but my sister’s place could you find the warm good cheer of my sister and her adoring husband. Nowhere, I tell you!
• That same trip brought a visit to the Petersen Automotive Museum. You don’t have to be a gearhead to get it. You don’t even have to like cars (even though it helps). Just go. You’ll have a good time, learn something, and see something unexpected. I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just post pictures.
• Oh yeah, legal matters. That was Tuesday and what fun it was. Me and the missus hired a paralegal in America’s Finest Just Okay City to take care of dissolution proceedings. There were plenty of happy noises emanating from the other side of the desk, so we signed things and wrote her a check. Months later, we received a summons from the Family Court to appear. Wasn’t this taken care of with the filings? Time for a call to our hired legal professional.

  The voicemail message promised a return call, but nothing. We called for weeks, still nothing. What to do? Appear at the courthouse, that’s what. The short version of this dumb story is that the free legal aid people there found they had nothing from our hired slacker bastard and had to reproduce all of the paperwork. All of it.

  No, I’m not bitter, why do you ask?

Almost forgot. You know how we’ve been posting The Question every day for the last couple weeks? We’d really like to hear from you about it. The comments here are moderated (I get an email and pass everything through unless it’s spam, vulgar, or indulges in personal attack) but don’t let that stop you! Make a selection. Suggest a new question. Have at it!

Your pal,

bob

My Candidacy Is A Series Of Tubes

Would you rather…
your coffee maker conspire with your computer to send subtle messages,
or
kick off your election campaign on myspace.com?

a) 4:04 – Day not Found
b) Vote for me because I roll like that.

Application “French Roast” has experienced an error…

– bob

The Boots Were Made For Frying

Would you rather…
postpone ocular realignment surgery until after the grand opening of the Viewmaster™ retrospective,
or
cook all of your meals on chunks of sidewalk removed from Glendale, Arizona?

a) Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the World of 3D!
b) I call ’em ‘Pedestrian Pancakes’!

Monday Afternoon’s Winner: And they got big teeth, too.

Click!

– bob

Tomorrow’s Question Today!

Would you rather…
ghost write Al Gore’s “My Life as a Movie Star”
or
put the wildfire out today to face the flash flood tomorrow?

a) “It’s the weather, stupid!”
b) My name is mud.

Earlier today’s winner: Oh! They’re easy to spot. Sort of a reddish-blue/black with a greenish tint.

It’s like looking into the future, isn’t it?

– bob

Here Snipey, Snipey!

Would you rather…
inspect extremist groups for large caches of Mountain Dew,
or
coordinate the world’s largest snipe hunt?

a) Righteous!
b) [ ]

Friday’s Winner: “Just a sec…”

Dude, like the Iranians are totally on line two.

– bob

Outlook Not So Good

Would you rather…
your clock radio complete your thoughts every nine minutes,
or
depend on the Magic 8 Ball as the ultimate decision-making tool?

a) “I don’t know how we’ll get through without…” “…bulldozers and heavy equipment.”
b) “Paper or plastic?” “Ask again later.”

Yesterday’s Winner: “Swimming’s great, but the butterfly stroke is a challenge…”

And that’s the rest of the story.

– bob

Lean Into It

Would you rather…
have webbed legs,
or
ankles with a kickstand?

a) Hey! No pants!
b) I could stand here all day!

Yesterday’s Winner: Throw down on three, not two!

Esther Williams, eat your heart out.

– bob

It Wasn’t A Rock

Would you rather…
relocate the buildings from Pioneertown to your yard to save them from fire,
or
reduce U.N. debating rules down to just “rock, paper, scissors?”

a) Duncan Renaldo slept here.
b) “Scissors in Syria are very flat!”

Yesterday’s Winner: Strangely enough, the mechanic knew EXACTLY what was wrong…

Partially contained,

bob

Clickety-Clack! Tippety-Type!

Would you rather…
cut and paste your new client into your last marketing campaign,
or
end every sentence with a sound effect?

a) Now powered by a hot and juicy Intel processor!
b) It was real windy, WHOOSH! Then my hat flies off, FLUTTER, FLUTTER, FLAP…

Yesterday’s Winner: My father can say big words, too; like Constantinople and Timbuktu

Now with 14% more torque,

bob

I Call This Meeting To Order!

Would you rather…
name your children after Dr. Seuss characters,
or
take over the duties of the late Dale Spickler?

a) Horton, Yertle…it’s time for dinner!
b) Idyllwild’s beloved Santa, President of Everything

Friday’s Winner: “The pump don’t work ‘cuz the vandals took the handle.”

Who?

Your pal bob, that’s who.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Okay, I’ve been away for a few days. I still have nice things on the ready, like photos from last week’s Idyllwild Fourth of July parade for instance. Too much for here though, so I’m going to punt you over to the .Mac site. There are five parts to the collection since the memory card filled up before the batteries crapped out (who knew!).

Linky:

Part one
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five

It’s worth looking at all of them just for the general cuteness. If you need any help navigating just throw something down in the comments.

Your pal,

bob

What, You Wanted Pat Boone?

Would you rather…
the sitcom that is your life is taped before a live studio audience,
or
significant events are foretold by Bob Dylan songs?

a) It was the leather couch! Really!
b) The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity

Yesterday’s Winner: I don’t know!“..the plates rattle when the subs hit, but I have to give the car back to my mom….”

Everybody loves—you!

– bob