Tag: elections

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Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! – Debate Roundup!

I feel dirty.

I’m gonna need a shower after this debate [warning: adobe flash 10 required on terrible myspace-hosted site. – ed Does it use Flash because democracy hates UNIX? at least. mostly the commission on presidential debates hates you—a lot. -ed] just to get the stink off. Post-partisan? Change? Straight talk? Holy crap. We here at the Lodge are flabbergasted…

Puppies: file photo
The “health of the mother” is an “extreme abortionist view” held by radicals? Really? The Girly Dog is not impressed…

Now then, Senator. Let's talk.
Charter schools are the “greatest civil rights issue…” of the next century? How about this one? Sarah Palin knows a bunch about autism? I’m guessing she knows more than she bargained for about Down Syndrome, so maybe that’s true, but I suspect that the senator from Arizona was a touch confused.

I'll never have that recipe again.
A touch?

William Ayers. ACORN. Clean coal. Good lord, shut the hell up. What might you deign to do about the economy, mayhaps?

– bob

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Notes Suitable For A Nine-Inch Screen

Friends,

Here are a couple things that just made me smile. You’ll note that there’s nothing here about work. There’s a reason for that.

One Laptop Per Nephew – I was finally able to deliver the tiny laptop to my six-year old nephew’s Charge d’Affaires and gave her a little instruction on its operation. No real manual is available and my help was minimal, but the printed Quick Start guide give a nod toward serendipity. She sent this note:

I just had to write you a quick note about the laptop. So Maxi was eating his breakfast as I jumped into the shower. I could hear him shout, “YES!” I finished up and he yelled to me, “Mama, I got on the internet!”

He was sitting on the couch with the computer in his lap and sure enough, he was on the net. He was so proud of himself. He said, “Mama, I figured it out before you could.” Then he showed me a map of Europe. “Here’s Sweden.” He went on and on exploring different countries.

I think in a way it is good that there is no instruction b/c he was really excited to figure it out on his own and then show me how to use it.

Thanks so much.This is really an amazing present.

“Here’s Sweden.” Good gravy, he’s already smarter than the rest of us. I always thought that Sweden was a county in Wisconsin.

The Mighty Road Racing Dakota – I out-drove and out-handled a guy in a late model Porsche Carrera 4 running down the hill this morning. In a crappy (but free) ten year old, four-cylinder mid-size American pickup. I found it a completely bizarre and hilarious development. It’s so wrong.

Primaries – Obama won Texas after all by three delegates? Breaks the narrative of Hillary as comeback kid, doesn’t it? Dad’s already bored by this thing though. We usually have a long chat about the latest results on the phone, but this week he couldn’t care less. And he watches fishing shows—on purpose!

The Mollusk Channel – The Clam has been doing very well with the weather predictions lately. Everyone else (except for Yahoo!, who we don’t track regularly) has been wildly inaccurate. Your winning lottery numbers are forthcoming…

Your pal,

– bob

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Super Delicious Cheese Tuesday

Well, well, well…

What have we here? It seems that Mister Obama has won Wisconsin this evening. Isn’t that nice? Does this make Mrs. Clinton yesterday’s news? Kaus put up some speculation that there might be a sympathy vote for her in Texas and Ohio now that she appears to be on the ropes. I don’t buy it.

Call me a sexist if you want (and boy, are you itching to do that right now. you know where the comments link is…) but I really can’t stand to listen to her lecture America. I never want to hear the hectoring, not now, not for the next four years. Yeah, there are policy differences between the two. Sure. I simply can’t take her campaign’s negativity. I can’t stand Mister Clinton’s finger wagging. His red-faced admonishment of the press, and of us by extension for caring about the details.

Dear Wisconsin. You may have ended up putting a merciful end to part one of this snipe-fest. I propose that we Californians declare a moratorium on harassing you about your dairy products. It’s the least we can do for the favor you’ve done us.

Your pal,

– bob

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Jaunty Soooper Gooogly Mooogly Tooosday Voter Guide

Dear American Heroes,

If you, like we knuckleheads in California, are part of the primary voting cluster of democracy tomorrow, you’re no doubt excited about the possibilities. The possibility of having your vote on a ballot proposition overturned by an aggrieved loser in court. The possibility that your favorite candidate will change positions sometime in May to appeal to the important baby seal-clubbing voting block. The possibility that superdelegates will trump everything that you thought you were voting for at the convention.

This is the important turning point of our cherished democracy.

Well then, now that we’ve got all the pessimism out of the way, let’s get to The Jaunty Little Blog Recommendations For Filling In Those Tiny Dots!

  • Proposition 91 – Transportation Funds. Initiative Constitutional Amendment Please. Amending the state Constitution again? Stop it already. Vote no just on principle.
  • Proposition 92 – Community Colleges. Funding. Governance. Fees. Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute. Um, with the Constitution? No thanks.
  • Proposition 93 – Limits on Legislator’s Terms In Office. Initiative Constitutional Amendment. This one’s a stinker. Not only because it amends the Constitution like a drunken, um, Constitution amender, but because it grandfathers in current legislators for another 12 years when they would’ve been termed out now. Looking at you Perata and Nunez. Those guys and their cronies need to go away. Vote no on this one. Who knows, maybe you’ll see some cool Fabien Nunez For Dogcatcher mailers in November. Or they’ll go to court to overturn your vote.
  • Propositions 94 through 97 – Referenda on Amendments to Indian Gaming Compacts Wow. How much money has been spent on campaigning for and against these? The folks against own some dog tracks and Vegas casinos. Oh, and a couple smaller tribes who don’t like the new facilities these compacts afford four of the wealthiest tribes. We here at Jaunty Election Central think that’s just sour grapes. The smaller tribes can negotiate their own new compacts and the dog tracks can pound sand. In exchange, the tribes give the state some more money than they do now. They really don’t have to, being sovereign nations. Sounds like a winner to us.
  • Presidential Candidates Vote for the person you like. I like Mister Obama despite the looks and smell of his financial dealings in Chicago. I certainly can do without the crabby Clintons. I get my recommended daily allowance of mud slinging just getting out of my driveway in the morning, thankyouverymuch. Romney could theoretically convince me to buy a watch out of the J.C. Penney catalog (it looks good on him), but little else. McCain, or as we refer to his candidacy around the office here, George Bush’s third term? Yeah, um, no. We’re not saying, we’re just saying…

There you have it. We’ve staked our positions which should prove highly valuable if you’ve just landed here from Mars. Otherwise you’ve already made up your mind, made your choices, and for crissakes gone out and placed your vote. Remember, if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about the next Assistant Secretary of the Interior nominee…

Your pal,

– bob

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Houseblogging: Special Election Coverage

Let’s start with this. That electronic voting machine was the most convoluted gizmo I’ve seen in a very long time. I suppose the absurd level of Are You Sure That You’re Sure Syndrome is necessary for people who just aren’t all that sure their votes have been counted. But still, I was asked three times on the screen, then the paper printout scrolled behind a window. And scrolled. And scrolled. Even after all of that, I could change it again.

Absurd!

I feel not disenfranchised! Or something.

Your pal,

– bob

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A Political Rant

See the title? You’ve been warned!

I found that I was amused that Senator Kerry exhibited his latest example of Foot In Mouth Disease during an Angeledes rally. Schwarzenegger didn’t need any more help to get elected than his double-digit lead, did he? I know! Call up John Kerry and maybe he’ll say something damaging, like how soldiers in Iraq are dumb. The GOPs will jump all over him. His people will come back and say that he flubbed the line and intended to say the president is dumb, then the GOPs will wonder if Captain Kerry from Yale always harbored disdain for enlisted men. Then the Senator will spin that into an attack on his patriotism, and on and on and on and f-ing on.

Wasn’t the common wisdom that the Dems could do very well in this election if they’d just shut the hell up and let the Republicans implode? Phil Angeledes, California’s Milhouse should’ve learned that lesson from the state’s very own in-fightin’ Republican party who can never learn to just shut up.

Hey! By the way, did you hear that taxpayer-funded professional blowhard and, um, Congressman Duncan Hunter is running for President? Now there’s a candidate for shut-up therapy if there ever was one.

Happy Election Season!

– bob

UPDATE: Wonkette’s post on this is much funnier. (but they get paid for the funny. – ed Despite that, maybe I could manage a joke now and then too!)