Patriots,
My candidate is making a joke that quacks like a gaffe. Take a listen now and guess who he’s talking about…
This is gonna blow up, isn’t it?
– bob

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Patriots,
My candidate is making a joke that quacks like a gaffe. Take a listen now and guess who he’s talking about…
This is gonna blow up, isn’t it?
– bob
Friends,
After spending last week bathing in the laundry room, I thought that it would be neat to finally get this thing done. That’s right; Monday is moulding day! Aren’t you excited?

Now it’s starting to look like something is happening. Weird!

No finished drywall corners required, pals. It’s quarter-round moulding all the way around. For this bathroom, nature-lovers, a tree must die.
– bob
Friends,
What kind of fresh hell is this? A.H. Belo Corp. is going to lay off a few dozen employees at my favorite punching bag, The Riverside Press-Enterprise. You know, the employees who didn’t take the buyout because, it must be assumed, they need the job. Here’s a little snippet from the article at the Providence Journal, another of Belo’s properties:
The number of layoffs at the Providence Journal was not provided, with the company noting they are “subject to contractual obligations.” The affected departments are news, editorial, advertising and promotion, according to the company. A letter A.H. Belo sent to employees said the layoffs would also affect about 50 positions at The Dallas Morning News and about 30 positions at The Press-Enterprise.
So the local fishwrap is going to lose about 150 people total between the buyouts and the layoffs. This is terrible news for the families of those employees and our thoughts are with them during this troubled time.
But the larger question is now how (he asked while lacing up his steel toe boots to commence the kicking) can we expect this institution to maintain its current high standards of reportage, integrity, and service to the community? How?
– bob
(via Romanesko)
Pals,
McCain’s right, you know. America is an idea that’s been articulated many times and by smoother orators than he. Was his speech a homerun? How about a ground rule double.

He inspired the partisans at the convention, but big whoop. It’d be easy to whip up a jolly green giant convention by speaking passionately about frozen peas, so that isn’t the best indication of success.
Sarah Palin apparently drew a touch over a million viewers fewer than Obama got for his speech last week. I’m watching MSNBC right now and the conventioneers appear to be pelting Andrea Mitchell with balloons on purpose. For that alone, you have to applaud the GOPers. Ms. Mitchell seems to have spent the last few weeks beclowning herself with bizarre partisan screeds, and this is the most effective passive-aggresive attack on the mainstream media I’ve seen lately. Hilarious.
So, who do you like now? I’m sticking with Senator Obama, but I’d like to hear from you. The comment board is open, so have at it…
– bob
Dear Citrus Lovers,
Today marks the anniversary of the launch of the Edsel brand in 1957.

It’s also the day that the Republican nominee for president gives his acceptance speech at the convention.
Just sayin’.
– bob
UPDATE: By the way, I found Sarah Palin’s speech last night stunning. I caught some of the non-factual facts that were sprinkled throughout, but if you’re her “opponent” in this race, I think you might have some reason to worry.
Oh, all you young dudes,
Cripes. You remember back to 1949, don’t you? The war was won, but there was a severe carpenter’s level shortage. Remember? As evidence, there’s not a single level, plumb, or square wall in this entire room. I’ve spent way too much time adding layers and layers to bring the joint into some semblance of plumb.

If nothing else, it’s gonna be warm in there…

…which makes sense, considering that it’s starting to look like a Swedish sauna. It’s not, of course. Who can afford the steam?

And as far as the trim goes, I’m going to need a lot of shims. A lot.
– bob
Hello Ducks!
I missed a couple day’s worth of posts, but work on the tiny bathroom has gone apace. Naturally, the pace has been slow. If I’ve learned anything here, it’s that despite the diminutive size, this job has involved as much work (if not material) as a larger room. It’s just harder to move around.

Thankfully, these pipes didn’t leak.

…but these did. The elbows on either side of the diverter had manufacturing flaws and had to be removed. Shouldn’t be a problem, you might say. Just shut off the water. It’d be easy if the water shutoff to the house actually shut off fully. Instead, there’s a procedure to follow: shut the valve as tight as it’ll go, open the hose valves around the house to relieve the pressure, open the upstairs sink valve to drain the upstairs. To test the new plumbing, the procedure is reversed. To deal with the leak, the procedure is repeated. When unlikely problems such as manufacturing defects crop up, you get to do this four times or so.

With the water problems solved, the rest of the build could proceed. Don’t be fooled. Fully encapsulated batts of insulation are still mighty itchy.

While it wasn’t quite Gustav, We had our own deluge up here yesterday. Work stopped while we stared at the water and hail pounding my little house. It’s Southern California, after all. These things don’t happen very often.

Now that the walls are going up, it’s starting to look like Dad and I are making progress. It’s about time, since my remodeling vacation is almost over.

Since the new shower stall takes up more room than the old mold-box, all of the light switches had to move into the hallway. Certainly this will lead to hijinks. I do not approve of these sort of shenanigans. Not at all. It won’t be the least bit funny to shut off the lights while somebody who isn’t me is in there.
– bob
Friends,
News comes this morning that John McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. NPR is calling it a “surprising choice,” but they hadn’t visited this space in August of last year. If they had, they could’ve reveled in my rationale for the Giuliani/Palin ticket facing off against Clinton/Obama.
See? I’m some kind of electoral genius!
– bob
Friends,
Hmmm, this Star Trek geek theory just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Just look where Senator Obama is scheduled to deliver his acceptance speech…

Yeah, that’s right. It’s a Greek temple. Grand, for sure, but perhaps out of place on a football field in Denver. Where might this seemingly random idea have come from?

Michelle, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do…
– bob
Friends,
It’s about time to finally get this out of the gate, no? Here are some shots taken today that really don’t represent what went on at the Lodge.

What? The pipes have gone away. But where?

Down there? “Big whoop,” I hear you say. Not so fast, slappy. It ain’t that easy to get there, you know…
– bob
Friends,
I’m glad I tuned into the Democratic National Convention this evening. After all, it’s not every day you can see drunk conventioneers wearing silly hats getting all misty-eyed over mental health reform (I feel bad for the woman they zoomed in on when that was mentioned though. It did kind of seem like the cameraman was outing her.).
Once I started really paying attention to Mrs. Obama’s speech, I noticed something curious…

Yeah, that’s right. She’s a Star Trek geek. Look at the outfit…

And what’s this? She’s already promoted herself to Admiral? My word! I’m shocked! Shocked!

Does this mean that they’re going to move the capitol to San Francisco? The Mars Colony?
– bob
Friends,
Last night’s strike mission to The Home Depot was supposed to be surgical. After all, last time I checked, my Dad and I are guys and guys don’t shop. They acquire—quickly. I knew that I wanted the least cheap and junky Chinese-made pre-fab shower stall, and I knew that every Home Depot I’d ever visited had at least one in stock. The floor model at Dad’s local warehouse even had a sign that said in 1,000-point type “In-Stock” so what could possibly go wrong? Well, there was no product number on the display, so the helpful but red-faced employee simply made one up to search his inventory. “We have two!” he reported.
Some day, when you get the chance, just walk around a big box home improvement store while looking upwards. I don’t think I’ve ever been as impressed by the extraordinary amount of merchandise on the very top shelves. Not my shower stall, of course, but a lot of other stuff that would be difficult for the owner of a fevered mind to find time to catalog, much less the fine staff at Home Depot.
Captain Heat Stroke and I were having no luck, so he called over a supervisor. “Wow, you guys missed it. What you’re looking for is right here on the bottom shelf,” he claimed. I was incredulous, but willing to entertain his spontaneous acid flashback. “Well, that’s not very similar to the display model I’m looking for, is it?” I asked. “It’s round!” “But it’s plastic and vinyl, not glass and stainless steel. That’s a pretty big difference. Plus…” “But,” he insisted, “you’re looking for this part number, right?” “Nope, I’m looking for this,” pointing to the display. “Oh, we don’t have any of those,” he said, ripping down the “In-Stock” sign. And adding insult, “sorry partner.” Screw you, Tex.
An hour and a half wasted. Off to the next Home Depot twenty mile away, the one that I had actually visited. The box was on the shelf, but Dad took the time to read the sign on the display. “Doors, rails, and pan included. Works with wall kit…” What? No walls? They’re extra?
The wall kit is extra and not included and nearly doubles the price of a shower. Oh, the walls are molded vinyl. Made in China. Weren’t we promised lower prices if things were made there instead of here? For these prices, I hope the slave laborers get an extra fish head in their breakfast porridge tomorrow. Yikes.
More reckless spending later today, with a picture-laden post once I unpack. Then some establishment shots to bring into crisp focus why the bathroom needs an overhaul in the first place followed by demolition. It’s the beginning of a week-long series and you didn’t even see it coming! I hope you both enjoy it.
– bob
Pals,
This is old, but still fun…
But this is more funner…
Enjoy!
– bob
Friends,
I haven’t been enjoying this cold/sinus/upper respiratory thing I’ve been fighting over the last week or so, but it’s made me painfully aware of noses lately. For instance, I would’ve thought that a giant nose would be bad for a swimmer. What with the greater potential for drowning and whatnot…

That seems to not be the case.
And then there’s the new commercial for the latest version of the Acura MDX—a profoundly ugly car by any measure, but that proboscis. Yikes…

But somebody at the ad agency understands that selling something this hideous is going to be tough. Really tough…
This had to be intentional. Can you guess who’s singing? I’ll give you a big hint…
Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
– bob