Category: Uncategorized

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Toyota Avalonamino!

Oh dear,

Somebody’s grandpa is visiting the Coachella Valley this weekend from Washington state and grandpa’s always marched to the beat of a different drummer. Back in the 80s, grandpa found the Chevy El Camino to be nice and all, but he wanted something a little more luxurious. He drove a GMC Caballero. A midsize car, with a pickup bed! Smooth sailing plus utility!

Sadly, GM moved on and abandoned grandpa (maybe not. – ed) so he had to take pickupcar matters into his own hands. Behold, the Toyota Avalonamino XLS:

Avalonamino!
Sleek lines combined with a rock-solid (kinda. – ed) Japanese drivetrain and all the style and panache a man of grandpa’s station deserves. They’re all here!

The trouble with you Utes...
Grandpa gets style points, surely, for the tasteful Rhino Lining in the bed of his Avalon, as well as the flip-out tie down cleats. The running lights on the B-pillar add a certain flair, don’t you think?

Class and sophistication.
Frankly, I was hard-pressed to find a similarly tasteful ride in the Best Buy parking lot this afternoon. Certainly nothing that made me stop in my tracks like this masterpiece (or simply, “piece.” – ed). My hat’s off to you, Washington grandpa.

– bob

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Notes From Rural America

Friends,

Normally I would’ve asked for some help understanding this. I have to say though, that I get it now. It’s not too different from my own situation, actually. Here’s the deal…

My vivacious writing partner and her husband got the hell out of the bustle and nonsense of Southern California and moved to East Texas. Why? The “git while the gittin’s good” excuse was employed. Plummeting housing prices, new high density and low income housing projects in their quaint little park-like neighborhood, gas prices higher than elsewhere in the nation, and a lack of jobs for an independent electrical contractor sealed the deal. Time to go.

What recommended East Texas I don’t really know for sure. They scored a huge plot of land with a nice house for cheap. The neighbors sound friendly and there are other benefits…

Sid and Nancy!
When she told me that their new house came with cattle, I was dubious. They’re city kids. What would they know? What they know is that Texas gives them an agricultural exemption on their property taxes if they keep critters, so meet Sid and Nancy. They’re both cows, but apparently my naming suggestion had enough appeal to stick. Jah knows Sid was a likable enough fellow…


So, what, the cows are shooting up? No wonder folks in Middle America hate the blue states.

– bob

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Village Elders Focus On Walking, Doughnuts

Friends,

Sometimes we as average American citizens simply aren’t sure what the future holds. We’re nervous. Tentative. Naturally, we look to our leaders to provide guidance. To keep a steady hand on the rudder of the ship of state. It’s comforting to know that they have everything under control and can lead us with an unwavering vision towards a new tomorrow.

At 11 a.m. Wednesday, Nov. 14, a few Idyllwild people and representatives from the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department and the California Highway Patrol walked around town looking at areas in the Idyllwild retail district that needed designated crosswalks. Photo credit: Town Crier (warning: PDF link to entire front page of Wednesday’s Town Crier website)

I have seen the future, and it’s that way.

– bob

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YooHooToob! Passive-Aggressive Moment

While I was stumbling around for a certain suitably heinous music video that we should never speak of again, I tripped over this…

It’s a 1959 Volkswagen ad that essentially smacks about the head and shoulders all of the dead domestic manufacturers. They pursued perfection (or something relentless in that vein) while DeSoto, Nash, Packard (hello, larry), Studebaker and Hudson over-promised, under-delivered, then withered away. Nice grave dancing. Classy.

– bob

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Observed: Gordon Lightfoot Edition

Friends,

I’ve been walking around to each workstation at the Great Big Charity to undo some automatically-installed Windows Update desktop search bloatware (thanks Redmond!) over the last couple days. This is a good thing though, since I get a better idea of people’s computer problems, work problems, and even personal problems. I won’t bore you with that stuff since it’s typical of any workplace. What I will bore you with is the desktop wallpaper on one machine. A glory photo of, you guessed it, The Edmund Fitzgerald. Prior to November 1975, one would presume.

Why that picture? “I’ve always loved those big freighters,” she said. “You know that’s the Edmund Fitzgerald, right?” “Yeah, what about it?”

Oh, this…

Geez, people.

– bob

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A Dead Cat Bounce

Dear worriers,

Is it my imagination that the economy is going straight to hell? (wow, powerful intro. good job casper. – ed) If I run the numbers on my crappy cars and newly rising gas prices, by the end of the year it might cost me money to actually drive to work. What’s a poor knowledge worker to do? Even the funds to cut down dead trees in the forest have dried up. What’s a poor no-knowledge worker to do? Telecommute to some place with a big pile of cash on hand, I guess. Marketing? It’s gonna be a bummer when their next round of venture capital doesn’t come through because the angels are spooked. Whee!

So where are we? If everyone’s petrified, that should affect the election, I would think. Oh, wait. Neither of these jackholes has a real economic plan either. Free healthcare from the government! My employer would be free to drop the good coverage for the guv’mint version to realize the savings, but do I get a raise? Donations have dried up too since the free pool of philanthropy has turned to fire victims. It’s a noble thing to do, but to answer my own question, no. I don’t get a raise. But Chevron is expecting record profits, so that’s nice.

The Dow Industrial Average went up today on the strength of Wal-Mart profits, which means that traders are insane. Shoppers have flocked to a bargain retailer at the expense of others and it’s a good sign? Sounds like panic to me. “Is there anything good anywhere? Okay, we’ll buy that…” What a stinker.

There’s gotta be a bright spot somewhere, right? I don’t see it, but please throw something in the comments (except for the sad, weeping cubicle slaves behind some ‘net nanny wall. send an email instead…) if you know something good that we can look forward to.

Thanks!

– bob

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Fried Day

Friends,

The main file server crashed. Not a big deal except that everybody’s stuff is on it. My office machine hates Office 2007 (who doesn’t? -ed The kid in Security likes the shiny buttons for some reason.) and gave up trying to do much of anything. It’s overcast down here in the land of eternal sunshine and everybody’s a little crabbier than normal.

A delicately filigreed stopper to cork the bottle of dumb that was this week.

I did learn one thing this morning though. It turns out that the Idyllwild Village Market opens obscenely early. 5:00, I think. I didn’t really want to ask the woman running both the register and the pastry ovens about it though. She appeared to be in no mood whatsoever to discuss much of anything. Or her morning lemonade was far too tart…

More later (maybe),

– bob

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Important Dates In Racing

Pals,

We missed the 24 Hours Of LeMons this year! It’s an annual event that allows “cars purchased, fixed up, and track-prepped for a total of 500 dollars or less.” Jalopnik had extensive race coverage, but we really need to go next year, don’t you think? Maybe even race!

Trees!

Here’s one of the better pictures, not from the race but of the Ecurie Ecrappe Alfa Romeo entry at the Concorso Italiano. I particularly enjoy the looks on the faces of the Tifosi. Perfect.

Oh, we really must go.

– bob

UPDATE: Here’s a little video to give you a better idea of what goes on. The soundtrack is likely NSFW…

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New Batteries In The Dorkbot

In a first for Mr. Jaunty’s media enterprise, I’ll be blogging the news of the dumb from the jury lounge at the Southwest Justice Center in beautiful (because it’s completely obscured by fog) Murrieta. First, I don’t think I need to tell you that free Wi-Fi is a great idea. Why, it’s what keeps us going!

I guess I’ll just keep updating this post throughout the day, rather than start new ones. Less confusing that way. Let’s get started with one half of a phone conversation overheard a little while ago…

7:45 AM “…yeah. I’m just telling you what the lady said. Yeah, I don’t have to go to jail. Right. The woman on the phone said that there was a warrant out, but the lady at the front desk said I’d just need to serve today. Yeah, that’s what she said. What? I guess I just forgot about those two other summonses… Why? Because I’m a schlomozzle, I guess. Because I’m a schlomozzle. I know. A schlomozzle. Okay, well, I just wanted to call to let you know I’m not going to jail. Okay, bye.

Yup. There’s no arguing that Laverne & Shirley references are pure comedy gold…

8:43 AM Spotted: Potential juror in Smith & Wesson Firearms t-shirt. Giant logo. Well done, Mr. I Don’t Want To Be On A Jury.

8:51 AM Paraphrasing judge giving opening remarks: “Jury duty blows. Suck it up crybaby.”

9:18 AM Observed: Total strangers in jury lounge now BFFs. Sharing anecdotes. Will never see each other ever again.

10:38 AM Missed the first wave of victims selected and there may not be another trial today. On the BFF front, I sat down next to two guys in their late 50s who have been sharing stories of their terrible medical maladies. “Hypertension?” “Me too! Diabetes too…” “Just got over the shingles. Boy that’s painful.” “My neighbor’s friend had that…” “Once I get my prescriptions filled, we’re going on a trip to Russia…”

10:46 AM Fun jury room hijinks! Guess how many signed in today? The number is 204! Um, whee. What do I win? The world-famous Superior Court pin. Lordy.

10:51 AM Wow, what a let down. The atmosphere was nearly electric during the Guess The Number game. Now the mood in the room is like 150 toddlers after a hard night of trick-or-treating. The fogeys are still yammering about health issues though. Complete biography in 30 minutes or less!

11:11 AM One of the fogeys is going on about his time at NASA developing ion propulsion engines (!). A project shelved for that stupid, bloated, overwrought space shuttle.

11:38 AM Nail-biting time. Will the second court go into session? Will they call another fifty people? Will they let us all leave early? Will lunch in Murrieta be an adequate substitute for this morning’s missed breakfast? Are there any more questions remaining to be asked? Who can tell?

11:48 AM Done! We’re out! It’s over! Whee!

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Back In The Game

Super Friends,

Once again, I’ll spare you my semi-annual anti-daylight savings time diatribe (shift a half hour, then stop the madness forever). What I do find mildly interesting is my jury service tomorrow in Murrieta, California. I had no idea they had anything more than a couple head of cattle out there, much less a courthouse. Frontier justice is meted out there, I suspect, but I went everywhere on their website and found no mention of community events that involve public hangings. Boring yuppies…

I ended up taking Sunday off from house chores (likely not a good idea) and got to see a couple football games. If I managed to jinx your Chargers by doing that, I apologize (not really). But hey, how about those Vikings?

There’s surely more going on and I’m going to document all kinds of dumb things tomorrow at the Superior Court for the County of Riverside. Whew! What a mouthful!

Your pal,

bob

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Out Of State Food Purchased, Eaten

Friends,

Greetings from my second vacation. It’s unseasonably warm in Chicago this weekend, which can certainly be blamed on OUT OF CONTROL GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE!!!™. I agree that the climate is changing because it’s Autumn. Get it? Weird!

If you happen to be in the greater Chicagoland area, like I am, you should really stop by the mess that is American Science & Surplus, like we did. My niece is working on a science project for a fair, so naturally we had to go. Where else would you get a big pile of junk to test buoyancy with? Nowhere, I tell you.

Pictures later…

-bob

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But He Looks Good Doing It

Friends,

I have happy news for the victims of the Southern California wildfires. Former FEMA director and discredited jackass Michael Brown is ready to accept your consulting dollars to help with your evacuation and recovery! The press release makes it clear that he thinks that he’s pretty sure he’s got a handle on how to help, kinda:

Currently, the brush fires are affecting hundreds of local businesses and have forced more than 500,000 people out of their homes. Of these 500,000 people, an estimated 10,000 of them have taken shelter at the local NFL stadium, Qualcomm, vaguely reminiscent of circumstances of Hurricane Katrina evacuees two years ago.

“The agency has learned some hard lessons regarding the handling of mass evacuations especially in regard to the bureaucratic red tape that is involved in such a process,” said Mr. Brown. “This is a tragic time for many of the people of California, and Cotton Companies is working to ensure that normalcy is restored and that businesses and organizations are back up and running as soon as possible.”

Vaguely, sorta similar. In a way. Like, um, football or something.

– bob

P.S. Thanks BoingBoing!

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Do You Snore? – UPDATED

Imagine a campfire without a forest...
Friends,

Above is a NASA photo from yesterday (click to go to NASA’s site) showing the plumes of smoke from the fires. If you look at the little red dot indicating Lake Arrowhead, I think that was the smoke I saw tumbling into the Hemet valley last evening. If you look at the other dot depicting Fallbrook, that would be the glow I saw over the hill during my drive to work this morning.

My house in the heart of Fire Danger Central has been offered up to San Diegans as an evacuation center (!). A move which is sure to peg the Irony Meter. No?

– bob

UPDATE: This is an updated picture from NASA showing how the smoke has really started to swirl since the winds have died down. Folks down in the Festival of Dirt are starting to get a sampling of what everyone in San Diego and Los Angeles have had to breathe since Monday. Maybe the snowbirds will toss a couple more Loonies towards the Red Cross now that it’s affecting them too…

Imagine a campfire without a forest...

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Photos Broken, Unrelated To Destruction Of Southern California

Dearest Peepers,

You may have noticed that the photos embedded here aren’t loading and that the entire bobtherieau.com site is down. My web host is subjecting the gerbils to “scheduled maintenance” which I presume means a colonic, a melon smoothie, and viewing a PowerPoint presentation on using teamwork to spin the wheels a little faster. My only advice to the technicians is to be careful. Those little bastards bite.

Your pal,

bob

UPDATE: The pictures and bobtherieau.com are back up. You gotta love those rested and relaxed gerbils…