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Would you rather…
play the lead in The Yvonne De Carlo Story,
or
referee the “View/Apprentice” smackdown?
a) We’re looking for a vampire-religious figure type…
b) That’s no fair, he’s wearing his coach on his head.
The studio passed on The Life And Times Of Agnes Moorehead.
– bob
Friends,
It’s time for another omnibus urp-blog. Excited yet? Who isn’t?
Lots more tomorrow. It’ll be lovely.
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
begin a Thuper ThighMaster Sales Marathon until you can afford to rebuild your Malibu home,
or
have your iPhone banned from Kentucky Fried Chicken for all the wrong numbers you’ve dialed?
a) At least I don’t have a bottom as big as Iraq!
b) (911) 911-9119
The celebrities are sad, won’t you please help?
– bob
Would you rather…
that your pancreas is impounded because you couldn’t show proof of health insurance,
or
get approval for your surgery at the DMV?
a) Sir, do you know how much insulin you were producing?
b) It says here you’re due for an emissions check.
Keep this card in your wallet. Keep this card in your…
– bob
Would you rather…
seek answers to problems that haven’t arisen yet,
or
seek those answers from people unqualified to be of any assistance?
a) Would the space aliens prefer red or white?
b) How many webmasters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
“When I get around to installing the software, what problems will I have?”
It’s gonna be a long day.
– bob
Dear Calendar Aficionados,
I think you can file this in the Psst, What Time Is It? drawer. I just received a comment to a post from 2000-and-freakin’-three, people. Not just any post either. It was a post republishing a poem that was meant to call me out on my pro Iraq War stance. As I recall, the poem in Arts Thursday was meant to be a scathing indictment of my naivete. It holds up fairly well though, if you go in for that kind of thing.
Apparently somebody does, because here’s David Kowalczyk to clue us in on the great (if late) news…
Just to let everyone know that
“Going to Gitmo” was published in hard copy in Volume 1, Issue 1 of Gentle Strength Quarterly, a journal of fine arts out of Los Angeles.Hawley-meigs (now just Hawley) had two other poems in that inaugural issue, as well as being a featured poet, with four (4!) poems in Issue 2.
Issues can be obtained by sending a check or money order for $8 for each copy ordered, payable to DO Designs, to the following address:
Gentle Strength Quarterly
16161 Ventura Bolevard, #406
Encino, CA 91436.
So! As far as brazen, callous PR stunts go, this is pretty low on the list. What’s next? A YouTube video of a kitten? A pinewood derby car sponsorship? A press junket to Peet’s Coffee & Tea? The mind reels.
Well, good luck with all the people with the words and stuff. And books. And Encino.
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
miss your gubernatorial inauguration because of doctor’s orders,
or
cry like a baby at your resignation press conference?
a) It’s a shame he had to break his human leg…
b) Could somebody hand me a Terrible Towel?
You could say he’s a hybrid.
– bob
Would you rather…
treat everything you see as a giant Rorschach test,
or
design all the floats in the Long Beach Tournament Of Fish Parade?
a) Jackson Pollock on line two
b) …the rose petals are made of tilapia, fluke, and flounder…
It looks like an elephant, wearing a hat.
– bob
Mister and Missus Dog have been returned to warmer climes to celebrate the new year. Once again I’d become used to them greeting me in the afternoon, tromping about with them, irrational exuberance, so dropping them off was no fun. I miss them already.
The girlie dog left me a little note regarding the picture post from the other day. I guess she’s feeling a little left out.
DEAR BIG MONKEY,
UR KIND OF MEEN. YOO PUT PITURS OF DUM DOG ON INNERNET – A BUNCH OF THEM! NO PIKTURS UV ME THO. THATS NOT KOOL. UR A JERK. IM BETER LOOKING THAN DUM DOG AND HES DUM ANYWAY PECUZ HE RUNZ IN THE FROZ RAIN BUT IM NEAR THE FIRES AND WAHRM. HES DUM. THANX FOR CHIKEN TREETS. NOW PUT MY PTURS ON THE INNERNET.
– WAY KYOOTER DOG
Sure, no problem. My pleasure.
Happy New Year!
Your pal,
bob
Friends,
MSM dudes, including CNN, MSNBC, and some other cats are reporting that Saddam attended a certain necktie party as a featured guest. He’s a little taller now, less alive but taller. A certain cowboy-in-chief is reportedly saying “yee haw!”
You know, according to reports.
So, um, hooray for bloodlust, I guess.
Your pal,
bob
Hey Holiday-Makers!
Here’s the promised context-free picture post, and guess which pictures turned out the best? Those with Mister Dog in them. Here’s my end of year adventure summed up with (mostly) puppy photos:
So there you go. Where’s 2007?
Your pal,
bob
Dear Heavy Sock Wearers,
You may have noticed a severe lack of posts over the last few days, maybe even a week. It wasn’t for lack of trying, or even lack of things to report on—there are bits of new posts sitting on no fewer than four computers—but they were missing a vital ingredient, pictures. In what is turning into an annual event, I’m going to need to purchase a new set of rechargeable batteries for my middle-aged Canon PowerShot. As it stands now, I get five shots, then no power. The end. (you could rehabilitate those batteries like this guy did. – ed Oh, that sounds like a great idea, except for the explosion part.)
The other lame-ass excuse involves weather (when doesn’t it? – ed) and the coldness therein. 20° this morning, five inches of snow, ice on the mountain roads, AND 50 MPH winds! I’m finding it harder and harder to keep up with the wood demand in the fireplace. Mr. and Mrs. Pup are happy to encourage my stoking the fire, but it doesn’t leave too much time for anything else, like writing (it didn’t seem to bother jack london. -ed Except he died at 40.).
I actually have a few pictures on the camera that I’ll present in a nearly context-free post later today. If you’re lucky, I may actually post them in chronological order this time. Wouldn’t that be a surprise!
Your pal,
bob
P.S. My vivacious writing partner has come down with something relatively brutal, so The Question is out of the question for a while. Both of our readers will be happy to know that we’ll be back up and running some time in 2007.
Would you rather…
be buried at Arlington National Cemetery,
or
interred in the Apollo Theatre?
a) Things are more like today than they have ever been before.
b) I don’t feel so good. Super bad, actually.
“It can go on and on, or someone must write “The End” to it. I have concluded that only I can do that. And if I can, I must.” – Gerald R. Ford
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
mash global Christmas traditions into one,
or
revise the toy distribution system for optimum efficiency?
a) Right, eight tiny reindeer on a surfboard then we take a sauna…
b) So the elves hand off to Black Peter, then to Santa, then to Jesus? What?
Merrie Christmas everyone! The Question will return on Wednesday.
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
as the new President for Life of Turkmenistan, change the word for dirt,
or
order the late president’s image scribbled out on all currency with Periwinkle Blue crayon?
a) No bulldozers on Thursday, you’ll bruise the Grains of Steve.
b) Stay within the lines.
You’re not well.
– bob