The Editorial Meeting

Friends,

I spent the weekend in America’s Finest Just Okay Merely Adequate Barely Passible City for work-type meetings and have had a surprisingly good time. Surprising, after Friday’s meeting called by the higher-ups about how we suck. That wasn’t exactly name of the event. Something about data collection and reports and the dullness and dryness that middle management functionaries wallow in, but I’m mostly not allowed to talk about it. I guess they’re very sensitive. You know, about their crabbiness.

The funny thing is this. I called it a week ago. I accused them of holding a grand “finger-pointing exercise” and wanted no part of it. Tempers flared, accusations were leveled, and my presence became mandatory. Speaking of inappropriate, I probably shouldn’t have told Mr. Boss “I told you so,” but that’s how it went. Cripes, what a nightmare.

But wait! What about the mailbag? We don’t have a mailbag. Okay, we do, but nobody sends anything to it. That’s not to say the we don’t receive criticism. Let’s chat with the editor:

  • yeah, apparently you’re a right wing jerk. – ed
  • Um, what? Me? Mister peace and love?
  • well fruitcake, you supported the war, and you’ve got this free market, anti-immigrant thing going on.
  • Wait a minute, anti-illegal immigrant, thank you very much.
  • well, ain’t that cute. you’re against people fleeing their corrupt, third-world existence to the promise of a better life. nice.
  • Only when we’re paying for it.
  • small-l libertarianism. isn’t that the current vogue?
  • Not anymore, I guess. It’s a post-partisan world now. Or didn’t you see the State of the State speech.
  • and the war?
  • I’m going with the moderates on this one. Right war, wrong time.
  • are you kidding me? you’re supporting that brain-dead idiot?
  • Can you hear yourself? He’s a knucklehead and he’s botched the middle and the end part. Maybe Obama can fix it!
  • jeebus, i’m depressed.
  • Me too.

There was a little more in that meeting with the editor, but it was mostly gentle sobbing, and we held hands for a little while. In a totally manly way, though.

Your pal,

bob

A Bag Of Warm Hammers

Friends,

It’s time for another omnibus urp-blog. Excited yet? Who isn’t?

  • Idyllwild, CA – The wind storms last weekend were harrowing. The numbers came out in the paper saying that wind speeds were somewhere in the 35 MPH range. I really wouldn’t be surprised if they topped 50. The power went out on Sunday for a few hours, and I have to say that night is much darker here when the power is out than down in the light-polluted lower elevations. I dragged out the lantern and cars driving by actually slowed down to marvel at the mystery of that sole light source. Phenomenal.
  • Apple iPhone – I raised the point with the editors of The Unofficial Apple Weblog, but they seemed to dodge a bit. My thought is that the iPhone is awfully sexy and a design triumph for Mr. Ive, granted. Why, however, can’t I have just the iPod part without the phone? A touch/widescreen video iPod with a camera, mail, web browser, and Wi-Fi? I can certainly do without Cingular (and their $60 a month data plan, yikes.) so the only thing holding them back must be the competition with the base Macbook. Or competition with the phone itself. Maybe Q4. I hope my 4th generation iPod holds out that long.
  • President’s Troop Buildup – Sounds like Mr. Bush Goes To Cambodia to me. Y’all remember LBJ, right? He said nearly the exact same things, didn’t he?
  • The PR Stunt – I’ve been schooled on the nature of Mr. Kowalczyk’s comment. Apparently, he’s a really nice guy who is a longtime friend of Jimmy Two-Beers and thought that we’d like to know about the publication of the poem. I guess some of the comments I made were inflammatory. Who knew! All I saw was a press release, kinda. I must be very bitter and angry about something. At least that was the gist of the charge. Not angry.

Lots more tomorrow. It’ll be lovely.

Your pal,

bob

BREAKING: Google Used, Searches Performed

Dear Calendar Aficionados,
I think you can file this in the Psst, What Time Is It? drawer. I just received a comment to a post from 2000-and-freakin’-three, people. Not just any post either. It was a post republishing a poem that was meant to call me out on my pro Iraq War stance. As I recall, the poem in Arts Thursday was meant to be a scathing indictment of my naivete. It holds up fairly well though, if you go in for that kind of thing.

Apparently somebody does, because here’s David Kowalczyk to clue us in on the great (if late) news…

Just to let everyone know that
“Going to Gitmo” was published in hard copy in Volume 1, Issue 1 of Gentle Strength Quarterly, a journal of fine arts out of Los Angeles.

Hawley-meigs (now just Hawley) had two other poems in that inaugural issue, as well as being a featured poet, with four (4!) poems in Issue 2.

Issues can be obtained by sending a check or money order for $8 for each copy ordered, payable to DO Designs, to the following address:

Gentle Strength Quarterly
16161 Ventura Bolevard, #406
Encino, CA 91436.

So! As far as brazen, callous PR stunts go, this is pretty low on the list. What’s next? A YouTube video of a kitten? A pinewood derby car sponsorship? A press junket to Peet’s Coffee & Tea? The mind reels.

Well, good luck with all the people with the words and stuff. And books. And Encino.

Your pal,

bob

Breaking: Frontier Justice

Friends,

MSM dudes, including CNN, MSNBC, and some other cats are reporting that Saddam attended a certain necktie party as a featured guest. He’s a little taller now, less alive but taller. A certain cowboy-in-chief is reportedly saying “yee haw!”

You know, according to reports.

So, um, hooray for bloodlust, I guess.

Your pal,

bob