Friends,
You’ve got to be kidding me. This is super fun playtime hijinks?
“Okay, you be the fey European tourist and I’ll wear my black patent leather TSA outfit and hold the metal detector wand …”
Creepy.
– bob
La Mesa, Jewel Of The Hills
You may not enjoy this as much as I do, but La Mesa mayor Art Madrid was found by police near his home drunk, and in a pool of his own sick. (“Um, Mr. Mayor, would you mind coming with us?”) Two things make this story much better: an equally drunk city employee was in his Ford Exploder with her feet hanging out the window, plus the La Mesa City Council hauled his sorry butt into chambers to read him the riot act.
At last night’s meeting, Madrid would only say that “it was unfortunate for me. It’s embarrassing and humiliating, and I promise it will never happen again.”
Next time he’ll drive the pickup.
– bob
Liveblogging The Democratic Debate…
Who am I kidding? Boring.
How about some crappy cellphone pictures instead? Here’s a nice shot from a few weeks ago of the sun setting over my neighbor’s house…
As you know, the dogs hate the chilly weather up here. Not surprising, since my yard is essentially their playground AND bathroom. Here’s that girly dog waiting for me to make the snow stop falling…
And from the big fat charity place preparing for a fundraising event, a labeled box…
Care to guess what was stored in that box? Makes the “it’s it’s its” battle seem petty, doesn’t it?
Your best pal ever,
– bob
P.S. Commenter inky, send me an email with the subject “Clam!” about your transportation problems. It’ll be fun!
Super Delicious Cheese Tuesday
Well, well, well…
What have we here? It seems that Mister Obama has won Wisconsin this evening. Isn’t that nice? Does this make Mrs. Clinton yesterday’s news? Kaus put up some speculation that there might be a sympathy vote for her in Texas and Ohio now that she appears to be on the ropes. I don’t buy it.
Call me a sexist if you want (and boy, are you itching to do that right now. you know where the comments link is…) but I really can’t stand to listen to her lecture America. I never want to hear the hectoring, not now, not for the next four years. Yeah, there are policy differences between the two. Sure. I simply can’t take her campaign’s negativity. I can’t stand Mister Clinton’s finger wagging. His red-faced admonishment of the press, and of us by extension for caring about the details.
Dear Wisconsin. You may have ended up putting a merciful end to part one of this snipe-fest. I propose that we Californians declare a moratorium on harassing you about your dairy products. It’s the least we can do for the favor you’ve done us.
Your pal,
– bob
Forty Five Degrees
Pals,
How about this? Obama and McCain seem to have swept today’s primaries. Who might be their respective party’s nominees? Hard to know…
Oh, right. Superdelegates. They’ll surely fix it. What were we thinking?
Spent the weekend at the folks’ place doing a little finish carpentry. The stay—with more gifts and more cake—continues my Birthday Holiday Season, so you needn’t worry about that. There are more events planned next weekend, so I’ll try to stay up past 9:00 for those. Advancing age, you know.
Now for a little housekeeping: the podcast is purely in the planning stages at this time. I stumbled across some new tricks to make the thing work, so we’re that much closer. Have something to contribute? Send an email with “a jaunty little podcast” to avoid the spambot if you want to be a guest. We’re going to post at bobtherieau.com, register at iTunes, and link from here. Clearly you’re an expert at something (or maybe you need email alerts just to remember when to breathe, but hey, let’s hear about how you set up the alerts.) so we want to hear from you. I’m pretty sure we want to hear from you. Maybe. Hopefully.
By the way, the Idyllwild Weather Clam missed badly yesterday. It was warm and the Clam went too low. I asked her about this, and she seemed embarrassed by the error. She has promised to do better next time though. You gotta love contrition in any bivalve, much more so in a mile-high bivalve.
So yeah. Birthday Holiday Season—good, ongoing, gifts. Podcast—a show about everything, nothing without your help. Clam—She’s real sorry, will predict weather much better next time.
There you have it. Hello, Tuesday.
– bob
Jaunty Soooper Gooogly Mooogly Tooosday Voter Guide
Dear American Heroes,
If you, like we knuckleheads in California, are part of the primary voting cluster of democracy tomorrow, you’re no doubt excited about the possibilities. The possibility of having your vote on a ballot proposition overturned by an aggrieved loser in court. The possibility that your favorite candidate will change positions sometime in May to appeal to the important baby seal-clubbing voting block. The possibility that superdelegates will trump everything that you thought you were voting for at the convention.
This is the important turning point of our cherished democracy.
Well then, now that we’ve got all the pessimism out of the way, let’s get to The Jaunty Little Blog Recommendations For Filling In Those Tiny Dots!
- Proposition 91 – Transportation Funds. Initiative Constitutional Amendment Please. Amending the state Constitution again? Stop it already. Vote no just on principle.
- Proposition 92 – Community Colleges. Funding. Governance. Fees. Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute. Um, with the Constitution? No thanks.
- Proposition 93 – Limits on Legislator’s Terms In Office. Initiative Constitutional Amendment. This one’s a stinker. Not only because it amends the Constitution like a drunken, um, Constitution amender, but because it grandfathers in current legislators for another 12 years when they would’ve been termed out now. Looking at you Perata and Nunez. Those guys and their cronies need to go away. Vote no on this one. Who knows, maybe you’ll see some cool Fabien Nunez For Dogcatcher mailers in November. Or they’ll go to court to overturn your vote.
- Propositions 94 through 97 – Referenda on Amendments to Indian Gaming Compacts Wow. How much money has been spent on campaigning for and against these? The folks against own some dog tracks and Vegas casinos. Oh, and a couple smaller tribes who don’t like the new facilities these compacts afford four of the wealthiest tribes. We here at Jaunty Election Central think that’s just sour grapes. The smaller tribes can negotiate their own new compacts and the dog tracks can pound sand. In exchange, the tribes give the state some more money than they do now. They really don’t have to, being sovereign nations. Sounds like a winner to us.
- Presidential Candidates Vote for the person you like. I like Mister Obama despite the looks and smell of his financial dealings in Chicago. I certainly can do without the crabby Clintons. I get my recommended daily allowance of mud slinging just getting out of my driveway in the morning, thankyouverymuch. Romney could theoretically convince me to buy a watch out of the J.C. Penney catalog (it looks good on him), but little else. McCain, or as we refer to his candidacy around the office here, George Bush’s third term? Yeah, um, no. We’re not saying, we’re just saying…
There you have it. We’ve staked our positions which should prove highly valuable if you’ve just landed here from Mars. Otherwise you’ve already made up your mind, made your choices, and for crissakes gone out and placed your vote. Remember, if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about the next Assistant Secretary of the Interior nominee…
Your pal,
– bob
Jaunty Political Analysis – State of the Union
Holy crap!
The president wants to make patenting and cloning human life illegal? How am I going to break the news to Bob Mark II™?
– bob
happy new year.
Friends,
We made it. If 2006 was a truly stinkeroo year for reasons that might be best left to a splash into the archives, doesn’t it seem that 2007 was merely a “transition” year? Some of us transitioned more than the others though. I gained an impossibly adorable niece, ended an abhorrent and downright smelly habit, didn’t get a new job, and managed to annoy my vivacious writing partner enough to make her move to another state (not even a neighboring state. what the hell did you do, champ? -ed)
Yeah, that little Inez is awfully cute. This is from Christmas, where her handlers were sick. My nephew and his driver were also unwell. Now I hear that Dad has graciously accepted their gift of goo. Generous!
What about that smelly habit? Yeah, I’ve decided to quit smoking after a two and a half decade career supporting America’s proud family tobacco farmers. They’ll be sad even after hearing the real reason why I made the decision. It wasn’t because of the hectoring (although there was plenty of that). It wasn’t even because I’m a cheapskate and holy crap, have you priced a pack lately? No, it’s actually an anti-government move (yeah, huge. our institutions should start crumbling any minute. – ed. The scoundrels in office haven’t learned that they can’t count on cigarette taxes as a reliable source of income for their pet projects. Surely they’ll try to score political points by claiming that their taxation has achieved their aims of forcing more people to quit. “It’s a win for public health!” they’ll gloat. I’ll believe that on a cold day in a Kaiser waiting room, thankyouverymuch. So no more cigarette tax revenue from me.
To answer your questions ahead of time, I’ve tried to quit before and was unsuccessful. I’m angrier about it now though. Oh, yeah. I’ve got a hell of a headache.
As far as the job search goes, as little said about it as possible is better. How depressing is it? I made similar money (maybe more when adjusted for inflation) two and a half decades ago. Hey! Isn’t that when…
Once the nicotine withdrawals subside, I think I’ll be better able to get down the business of business. Stuff’s going on here at Jaunty Central too that’ll be unveiled very soon. Too soon for some!
I hope you’re enjoying your new year so far. We’re gonna have a bunch of fun, okay?
Your pal,
– bob
Calendar Of Events: Wednesday
Yippee!
The new iPods are coming! It looks like His Steveness is going to announce new iPods at an invite-only event tomorrow! Maybe even some Beatles something-or-other (by the way, the beatles were a pop combo of some note from the sixties. some of the members are now deceased. – ed Thanks for clearing that up, chief!). And Fred Thompson’s going to announce his candidacy. Whatever.
Hey! iPods!
– bob
Gonzo. Gone.
Dear Former (on September 17th, not soon enough) Attorney General Alberto Gonzales,
Good riddance you sick, smirking, smarmy, hunchback little creep. You’ve been instrumental in making the lives of Americans everywhere more difficult. Signing off on torture, wiretapping citizens, politicizing the Justice Department, making a mockery of habeus corpus. Thanks jackass. Get out and stay out.
Don’t think you’ll be so radioactive as to scare off the law firm who might’ve considered hiring you? Soft landing? You wish.
– bob
UPDATE: Photo trashed by Wikipedia so I removed it.
Jaunty Election Blorg: Too-Early-To-Tell Edition
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I understand that you’re tired of these presidential candidates. Too phony. Too calculating. I get that and I’m here to help. With all of these knuckleheads vying for your attention, it’s hard to know what to think. We’re here to help! Here’s the Jaunty Early Line on the respective tickets for the general election. You can take this to Vegas. Ready?
Hillary wins the nomination. How can she not? Obama is imploding. The rest of the Democratic field is, well, Kucinich and kookoolulu Bill Richardson. My pick is a Clinton/Obama ticket. Why? That’s pretty easy. Hillary is marginally electable in the general election and Obama suffers from the inexperience tag and could use the veep time to be ready for 2014 2016. I’ve thrown this out to a couple of people, and they cringe. I’m a big fan of universal healthcare, but will that dynamic duo buy in to global warming hysteria? More petrol taxes? Slapping down coal-fired power plants? Bazillion MPG corporate average fuel economy standards? Nanny state nonsense? Yikes.
Yeah, I know. I liked Bill Richardson at one point. He’s clearly the smartest guy in the room, but he can’t be president. The extreme left’s adorable pander bear just can’t cut the mustard. As Senator Obama clearly doesn’t have the experience to run the Executive Branch, Governor Richardson has spent so much time tiptoeing through the netroots minefield that it’s hard to see him coming back.
But what about the GOPers? Glad you asked. The pragmatists over there see Giuliani as electable. The “base” hates him, which will play havoc on his primary chances. I still think he’ll prevail and be the nominee. Who to balance out the ticket? Nobody who’s running. I’m hearing weird noise about drafting Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to round out the ticket. Why not? She’s as conservative as can be. She helps with the people who want to vote for a woman, but don’t like Hillary.
Man, this could shape up to be a brutal campaign. Clinton/Obama vs. Giuliani/Palin could be a bloody slugfest, don’t you think? You thought you were tired of the campaign now…
Your pal,
bob
UPDATE: Date fixed and link to Draft Palin site added.
The Concert To Help Us Stop Exhaling
Friends,
One more thing about that global pity party the other night. Is the contribution of man to global temperature change the tipping point that will “dramatically change life as we know it in the next ten years”? Is anthropogenic global warming a done deal? Have everyone agreed on that? Just asking!
Your pal,
bob
UPDATE: Well, here’s your answer, isn’t it?
An army of bass players? Spinal Tap? We’re surely gonna be eaten by polar bears. God help us all.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Video link fixed (for the third time).
BREAKING: Intelligibility Circumvented
Neighbors,
I’m clearly too dim to understand what is being said in the comments here. It’s a poetry fight! (and I don’t get it) I think I’ve been called a chickenhawk, but once again, I’m clueless.
I wish I was smarter.
– bob
P.S. We’re always game to present the art that the kids are up to nowadays though. You’re welcome!
Pretty!
Friends,
I work at a place that serves folks who are down on their luck. In an attempt to get their lives together, they go through various programs that my coworkers provide and hopefully find permanent housing and a job. Self-sufficiency is the model and that’s extra swell.
Swell until an onslaught of folks happened upon the place. Hot meals are just ducky but where to sleep? It’s chilly in the desert right now. Particularly if you’re sleeping on the desert. Wouldn’t shelter for all of those folks be nice too? Sure it would! Mr. and Mrs. Powers That Be decided that a tent would be lovely, so they set to putting one up, full of cots and bunk beds, that would house as many people as possible. As many people as needed a place to stay that was out of the elements.
Everything went as well as could be expected (badly) considering the yokels running the minor town that claims jurisdiction. Handicap ramp is sloped too steeply (1.5 degrees too steep, if you’re keeping score), this dirt isn’t compacted as much as the surrounding dirt, there needs to be a certain number of cots accessible to disabled people (how does that work?), the lighting isn’t bright enough… Blah, blah, functionaries, blah. Once the blather subsided, the disenfranchised lined up for a space in this new soft-sided paradise. But there was something terribly wrong. Oh, horribly wrong! Sweet mother of Walter P. Chrysler, so wrong.
No large screen television!
Our guys had wired these giant sets for cable and I put signal boosters on both ends of the 400 foot run, but no signal. I’d washed my hands of it, but it nagged anyway. I wasn’t interested in the resident’s entertainment, it was a technical challenge—and I had failed. I connected their feed to another line and traipsed out to check the picture. No sooner had I turned on one of the sets and programmed all of the channels (our robot overlords actually take care of that, I just summoned them with a button press) that I realized things were actually working. What’s a non-offensive channel to set them to? Nick Jr. of course. (link warning: super slow Java mess that might crash your browser)
Thirty seconds later, the people who were napping after a no-doubt highly stressful free lunch woke up and were thrilling to the sights and sounds of the Backyardigans. Young and old, 30 pounds or 300, they were glued to the sets.
Um, hooray?
– bob
Highly Detailed Jaunty State Of The Union Analysis
Dude, did George W. Bush just acknowledge global warming? Holy crap.
Your genius pundit pal,
bob