This Amazing Year! – No Pressure

no gloves?
Friends,

A nutter at NASA who’s not an alarmist at all is warning Mr. Obama that he only has four years to save the Earth from global warming. The Guardian apparently interviewed him via binoculars, reading his statement from the sandwich board he was sporting while stomping down the street. He was also heard to say, “The end is nigh! That means really near!”

So once again we’re all doomed, but in a wonderful turn of events in this amazing year, our new president will fix it by asking us all to look into our hearts and reduce our gasses (which will be trouble for operators of taco trucks throughout this great land, but hey, si se puede!). Hooray for us!

Your pal,

bob

UPDATE: I’ve been listening to KCRW all afternoon, which is typical for a Sunday afternoon. They’ve been simulcasting the Inaugural Concert which just ended, but as soon as I get done posting the brain dead diatribe above, they launch into Michael Franti’s Obama Song. The chorus? “Si se puede, si se puede, si se puede…” I’m now officially creeped out. Thank you.

This Amazing Year! – Buy A Jeep!

A lovely left-aligned picture of the mighty Jeepster Commando...Friends,

Um, oh Chrysler. They’re not doing so well despite Bob “Orange Apron” Nardelli’s protestations (scroll down) at the Detroit Auto Show otherwise. They’ve got too much inventory built up, plants are idled until, well, cars are sold to bring the inventory count down a touch, and dealers are freaking out about all the excess inventory.

For instance, we taxpayers have given Chrysler a few billion bucks so it seems nice that they’d offer some discounts. Some? How about quite a lot of discounts? Here’s your last chance to buy a Wrangler before Jeep is bought by Renault again. You remember what happened last time

Your pal,

bob

This Amazing Year! – Making With The Social

Pals,

On a dare, I went ahead and joined Facebook. Is this a good idea? Surely not, but there’s the outside chance that it could be fun. The site is blocked at the Festival of Dirt, so posting at work is straight out. Isn’t that when most people are on the thing?

More dispatches from 2004 to come…

– bob

NOTE: By the way, I’ve put a dopey Facebook badge down at the bottom of the right-hand bar. If you click on it, something happens! Hooray for clicking!

This Amazing Year! – We Are Blessed

Friends,

I don’t have anything interesting to post (considering the rules—no proper names, no identifiable entities, no slander *cough*… -ed) but what else positive about this year? Oh nothing really, except our new Aztec patron saint!

That’s right. This here blog has been graciously adopted by little known, but extremely powerful minor (until now) god Quetzlguaranamo!

He, or she, is interestingly also the patron of baby rabbits, cheese fanciers, blue crayons, and back hair. So we’re pleased to welcome our new patron saint, if that’s the word. Here’s hoping that he, or she, will keep us from getting sued during the rest of this amazing year.

Fingers crossed,

– bob

This Amazing Year! – AC/DC

A lovely left-aligned image...Friends,

I’m really trying to make a point to remain positive in the first posts this year. Here’s my attempt to spin today’s non-fun events:

You know that lump of copper and aluminum under the hood of your car? The one with big, fat wires hanging off of it? The alternator under the hood of my Microscopic Racecar© packed up this morning. Shuffled off its mortal coils (yikes, a windings joke? proud of yourself? -ed).

I left for work this morning at my usual time, before sunrise. The headlights flickered at the 4,500 foot mark and the charging system warning light came on. Headlights dimmed at 3,000 feet. The radio failed at 2,200 feet. I figured that the car was running on battery power only and turned off the headlights down at 800 feet, while it was still dark. Must make it to work, after all…

Five minutes to the Festival of Dirt and the car quit. At this point, I had no idea that the alternator had died and instead condemned the battery. First mistake. I walked to the local car parts store and waited a half hour until they opened to find out they don’t stock the over-sized motorcycle battery nestled in the Racecar’s trunk. They not only didn’t stock the battery, but they also didn’t know where to get one. What they did know was the phone number of their local competitor. Take a deep breath.

“Do you have a Miata battery?”
“No, we have Energizer, Interstate and Optima”
“Oh no, I’m looking for a battery for my Miata”
“Huh?”
“Mazda Miata? MX-5? You must’ve heard of it.”
“Oh yeah, right. What year? Let me get back to you, I’m trying to open my store right now.”

That was the last I heard from Manny, Moe and Jack’s harried and forgetful surrogate.

So after a dejected trudge back to the car and a phone call to a friend at work to pick me up, the car started right up. It soon died again, but this time in front of a nearby garage run by a gentleman who’s been driving the same road I do every day for the last two decades. It’s a small world!

Setting the crushing repair bill aside for a moment, there are positives in this story. I met a nice guy who in addition to running a garage down in the desert but also does fire abatement, gardening and housecleaning up here on the hill. I also have a newly steady stream of electrons coursing through that tiny little car. Can it get much better? Yes!

When the alternator failed, it also fried the wiring to the instrument panel. Now there’s all new wiring from there to there. See? It’s a great day after all. Hell, it’s an amazing year!

Your pal,

bob

This Amazing Year! – Not Any Mutt

Now is the only time you can make a chilly dog joke. Uh oh, time's up.Friends,

I’ve been telling people that I’ve adopted a little black dog. When they ask “Oh, what kind?” I’ve had to sputter out something about a mix of something and something else, the speculation ranging from Shelty to Bull Terrier (all absurd). Turns out she’s a member of a proud and weird breed called McNab (no, not that one).

Here’s a little bit from the Dogster site (Who knew? Borrowing from the Friendster concept, can you “dog” somebody? If not, why not? Discuss.):

McNab History:
It is said that Alexander McNab, a rancher who relocated to California from Scotland in the mid-19th century, developed the McNab by crossing his Scottish-born Border Collie with various shepherd dogs.

That’s right, the breed is California-native! That certainly counts for something, although it must be noted that she’s not an ultra-liberal as many might suspect. Nor is her collar made of hemp. More…

The Look of the McNab:
The McNab is an athletic, small or medium-sized dog with a short, black coat that usually has white markings on the muzzle, chest, feet and tip of the tail. Its distinctive, triangular ears are either pricked or flop over. Its tail can be naturally bobbed or long. The McNab is also distinguished by its cat-like feet.

People who know McNab Shepherds, McNab Cattle Dogs or whatever you might wish to call them can be a little fanatical. A little more background on Mendocino’s own Gregor Mendel from Hawk Stock Dogs

Alexander McNab and his family left Glasgow, Scotland in 1868, came to the United States of America, and settled in California on the ranch known as the McNab ranch in Mendocino, California south of Ukiah. They brought one dog with them, but it died soon after they arrived. In 1885, Mr. McNab returned to the Grampian Hills in Scotland for the sole purpose of getting some of the dogs he was used to working (with) [sic]. He purchased two dogs, Peter and Fred. He brought Peter back with him. Fred was left in Scotland to have his training completed, and was sent to America later. Fred was strictly a lead dog; Peter worked both lead and drive. These two dogs were bred to select shepherd females of Spanish origin which were brought to this country by the Basque sheep herders, and that cross was called McNab shepherds because Mr. McNab perfected this breed of stock dogs which would head or heel.

So, there you have it. Peter and Fred went catting about and from them, eventually, came this happy and well-adjusted girly dog.

Happy? Sure!
Scots hooked up with Spanish hotties that can head or heel? I’ve just made it icky, haven’t I? Sorry about that.

There you have it, more than you ever wanted to know about the McNab Shepherd. It is an amazing year so far, isn’t it?

Your pal,

– bob

BIZARRE FOOTNOTE: If you hate yourself, have unlimited bandwidth and feel that you don’t quite have enough blood flooding out of your eye sockets, please feel free to take a look at Donovan McNabb’s personal website. Horrible Flash movies combined with Donovan the businessman and purple copy detailing how super and also ultra-great Mr. McNabb is. After viewing this exploration of one man’s hatred of the web and your eyes, please take the lesson to heart and remove all of the Flash nonsense from your own website. Thank you.

This Amazing Year! – Dog Fish

Friends,

This commercial from Volkswagen do Brasil makes zero sense and is creepy enough, but if you watch it enough times (I’m at five right now) it’s kinda heartwarming in a scaly way.


Even the jackalope is freaking out.

Your pal,

bob

(Thanks Jalopnik!)

UPDATE: Fixed the spelling and added link to Brazilian VW site and by the way, go here to download paper Transporters (Kombis) (warning: PDF link, scroll over the one you want and click Baixar.) to put together and play with! No, not after work or when you have “a spare moment.” It’s time for fun right now. Please also make the motor noise while you’re driving your new Kombis around on your desk.

This Amazing Year! – What’s My Name?

Friends,

In a bid to find the silver lining amongst the roses, to make lemonade out of a sow’s ear, I’m determined to find something, anything, positive to write about. To this end, here’s are a couple of the greatest names I’ve seen in the last 24 hours.

This gentleman is not actually the Republic of China. Far from it. Friends, allow me to introduce you to Indianapolis Colts linebacker par excellence, Mr. Tyjuan Hagler.

Yes, it's spelled Tyjuan.
But wait, you say that local governments don’t have a sense of humor anymore? Then you’ll be surprised to learn that one of the newest streets in this here desert wasteland, the City of Festivals, is Jackalope Lane.

Not every town will name a street after a seldom seen but completely, no kidding, real rodent that tastes like lobster. It takes guts, determination, and maybe a belly-full of martoonies.

Next up: more things that don’t stink.

– bob

This Amazing Year! – Global Warming Defeated!

Friends,

The cold snap facing the country means that the yammering, hectoring and screeching by the global warming alarmists (including nine out of ten scientists, number ten having been burnt at the stake) has paid off. It’s over people, and Mother Earth is the big winner. Hooray!

Even fancypants Los Angeles designers have lost their love for the green agenda. Sometimes when I’m confused about questions of sustainability, I wonder what the designers can tell me. I’m relieved to hear that it’s now about proper color reproduction and no longer about compactness or fluorescence.

Maybe the poor economic situation is saving the planet. Yippee! People aren’t buying anything or going anywhere, so those dastardly carbons aren’t scurrying about with the destructive verve they once did. If we’re not driving, we sure don’t need to replace family trucksters with hybrids so evil carbons aren’t released in their manufacture. See? We all win.

We can even do more. Hopefully, government-mandated alternative fuel vehicles will make the planet even cooler…

The California State Assembly in November 1972, contracted with two companies to develop steam-engine vehicles. One company, Aerojet Liquid Rocket Company of Sacramento, installed a steam turbine engine in a lengthed Vega. Photo courtesy Peterson Automotive Museum.

Much, much cooler. Bundle up!

– bob