We’re All Winners
The Great Question Submission Event was an underwhelming success. Most of the submissions came from only a couple people, and I’m reproducing them all here for your dining and dancing pleasure.
The submissions here are edited to fit our format, but otherwise left as they were sent to us and presented in the reverse order of receipt here at Question Central. Enjoy (if you can).
Would you rather…
sell bat guano Christmas ornaments,
or
be the gift wrapper at WalMart?
a) and in the spring, just tuck one under your tulip bulbs..
b) no sir, I will not wrap it in that…
Would you rather…
have your biography published on The Smoking Gun,
or
have your biography ghost-written by 8-year-olds?
Would you rather…
dine with cannibals,
or
have Christmas dinner where a food fight could end in fatalities?
Would you rather…
de-marginalize the unmarginalizable,
or
disenfranchise the enfranchised?
a) huh?
b) wha?
Would you rather…
stick it where the light don’t shine,
or
hide your light under a bushel?
Would you rather…
wake-up and smell the coffee,
or
wake-up and pee cuz the world’s on fire?
Would you rather…
eat a peach,
or
squeeze your lemon till the juice runs down your leg?
Would you rather…
defend Dubya for crimes against stupidity,
or
discover that John Ashcroft was head of your fraternity?
Would you rather…
hold the exclusive franchise for Hooters in Iraq,
or
breed cute & fuzzy missile delivery pets?
Would you rather…
super-size your Humvee,
or
hum your way across the alps?
And here’s the tough section. These are the requests (in italics) followed by our stab at writing a Question to fit. I’ve re-assembled the Question Team to work on these, and I WON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!
Oh, uh… I was kinda thinkin the biggie vs. tupac rift – other than
that, I don’t have a lot of info re: the big thang between eastside vs
westside gangstas. I just wanted to hear your dizzle sizzle…
Would you rather…
haunt the studio exec that produced your posthumous biopic,
or
hire an upstart ad agency to create a friendly gansta image for you?
a) Ridiculous Thug: Resurrection
b) Focus groupizzle
only be able to listen to Christmas music for 365 day a year
Would you rather…
work in a Hallmark store that played nothing 365 days a year but Christmas carols sung by William Shatner,
or
convince Rage Against the Machine to produce a 78 that you can play at your Grandma’s house?
a) Hark!……….theheraldangels…….sing!
b) Trimming In The Name Of!
Gee, this thing practically writes itself!
bob