The Beginning Of My Diplomacy Career

The folks from the Third World have suckered the U.N. into a conference in Geneva to suggest that the international body should run the Internet. My initial thought on the subject is; “We built the fucking thing, and now you want to run it? Bite me bastards!” but that’s so mean. I’m sure people in Brussels and Karachi and Bogota would love to run the Internet. As a public service, I’ve formulated a response to their request that captures the spirit of my previous rebuttal:

“As persons of questionable parentage, I’m sure that you will agree, there can be no agreement on overarching international oversight of the global information infrastructure without a fundamental understanding that members must masticate over the principles of free trade embodied in its primary structure. That being, the infrastructure investment by the West, as well as private entrepeneurs who would seek compensation in the event of this occurrence.”

I’m not exactly asking them to bite me in particular, I just wish for them to chew on the possibility that a U.N. takeover of the Internet, a gizmo conceived and constructed by the United States, could be impossibly expensive for them. I don’t suppose we’ll give up our Innernut without a fight, do you?

Besides, it would make the Nigerian spammers cranky, and who wants that?

Your pal,

bob