Sinus Fun

Scene I

Date: Last Wednesday

Scene: Driving home from work, heading towards Home Depot through a canyon near The 1912 House.

Players: Me and Allstate Insurance representative over dodgy mobile phone connection.

Allstate: Hi Bob. Just wanted to let you know that the inspector finally found your property and we’ll have to cancel your policy.

Me: Um, what? Why?

Allstate: He found a lot of pine needles and brush in addition to some manzanita problems.

Me: Manzanita problems? Like what?

Allstate: There are a lot of manzanita bushes around the property, so if you could cut those down and rake up all the needles and leaves, then we can reinstate your policy.

Me: When does the policy, um, expire?

Allstate: Oh, December 8th.

Me: So he couldn’t find the place for almost a month, then happens upon it only to ding me for a level of brush that the California Department of Forestry found acceptable?

Allstate: ‘Fraid so. You know that we require brush to be cleared 200 feet around subject properties, right?

Me: 200 feet? I had no idea! When was I going to find out about this?

Allstate: I’m calling you now…

Scene II

Date: Saturday

Scene: Half-acre surrounding cabin (Damp Dog Lodge is winning the contest, if only for the sound when you say it out loud)

Players: Me and my Dad

Action: Raking.

Scene III

Date: Sunday

Scene: Half-acre surrounding cabin

Players: Me and my Dad

Action: Raking.

Scene III

Date: Sunday evening

Scene: Starbucks in Temecula

Players: Me

Action: While still shaking and shaking off a harrowing drive down from The Hill due to poor visibility from the rain and darkness and crappy Grand Livingroom headlights I receive a call from Oscar, the landscaper:

Oscar: Hello, Bob?

Me: Yes. Hello Oscar! How are you?

Oscar: I’m fine. I saw the piles of needles this afternoon and the trash. I think the cost to haul everything to the dump—I’m sorry—is going to be $250. Is that okay?

Me: I guess it has to be okay. Can you get it done on Monday? The insurance inspector will be back on Tuesday…

Oscar: Oh yes, Monday is fine. It’s no problem…

(When have I heard that before?)

Your pal,

bob