Crack Addict

Hey Carvers!

In my little town, we have a little problem. You see, there used to be a tree in the middle of town—literally. You had to drive on one side of it or the other to get through (folks preferred that you stayed right to avoid the only marginally pleasant exchange of personal information—it’s a friendly town, but not that friendly). After a few hundred years of growth, the tree finally gave up and proceeded to die.

“Horror!” shouted the locals. “What shall we do!”

Well, I’ll tell you what they did. They carved a totem pole out of that great big pine tree, but they didn’t call it a totem pole. Nope. Religious connotations, they figured. They called it the Tree Monument. Why? Because it’s a tree, and it’s a monument to a tree. Tree Monument. Get it?

Fast forward to a week ago and imagine what happened to that great big pole. Woodpeckers, rot, cracks. Things that don’t really happen to proper totem poles carved out of proper totem pole-type trees, like cedars. Our little monument became a hazard and had to come down—today.

So what the heck. Here are some pictures of the pieces. The Chamber of Commerce is going to recreate the thing, hiring the original sculptor, in a fiberglass-like material. I propose a new name. Ready?

Tree Monument Monument.

Yeah, it really flows.

Your pal,

bob