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Would you rather…
issue your report from the Santee Study Group,
or
rename your car company so the locals can pronounce it?
a) It ain’t real good, and gettin’ more worser.
b) “Roewe”
We asked Jerry Jeff Baker Jr. to write it cuz’ his spellin’s real fine.
– bob
Kids,
Yeah, yeah, this starts as a houseblogging post, but will surely delve into giant dumbness later. It’ll be great!
You may recall my whining about the malfunctioning wood stove. I don’t even think you need to stretch very far to realize, as I did, that the fire cap is somewhere on the roof. That’s not surprising, but where had all the smoke gone? Certainly not outside, as that cap was fully caked full of the fullness of creosote, soot, and generalized gunk. The smoke went IN the house. That would be a sub-optimal result.
Once I climbed on the roof with my trusty rope, I carefully lowered the filthy cap and tried to carefully lower myself to start the cleaning. Pine needles had other ideas, and I started my slide towards 9.8 m/sec2 and a nasty bounce off the deck onto the driveway. You’ll notice at this point that I lived. How? I put a foot out and immediately halted my descent. Sure, the pop in my lower back would foretell a bunch of hobbling around for the next couple days. I can stay put, but moving from that stasis is a challenge. Aleve, heating pads, they’re my friends at the moment. Who cares though. We have heat!
Oh, there’s more, and that’ll be tomorrow. After the Question.
Your pal,
bob
Would you rather…
start celebrating the anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition early,
or
the expiration of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?
a) It’s the 5th, get it? hic.
b) What?
So everybody hoist your glasses to Utah!
– bob
Would you rather…
your ‘net-connected refrigerator be programmed by the FDA, AMA, and PETA,
or
an accelerometer is added to your phone?
a) New Message From – fridge@home.com “tsk, tsk, tsk”
b) New Message From – grandma@home.com “I’ve fallen…
You’ve got some explaining to do.
– bob
Would you rather…
base your brand marketing on typos,
or
smuggle missile launch codes in the firmware of a Yamaha HTR-5930SL 550W XM-ready home theatre receiver with Dolby Pro Logic, seven DSP sound fields, and Night Listening Mode?
a) Try our new Egg, SPAM, and Poi pizza rolls! New, from Questinos!
b) I swear, I was just programming the radio!
We’re gonna stop picking on the 50th state any day now.
– bob
Would you rather…
hire twenty Minnesotans to exhale deadly carbon dioxide into your greenhouse,
or
be the road manager for “The Alaskan Don Ho”?
a) Screw Miracle-Gro.
b) In this core sample, you can see tiny bubbles…
Shut yer’ particulate trap!
– bob
Would you rather…
be known as “The Original Wrapper” at booth 138 downstairs at the mall,
or
hold the balloon that tells shoppers where to line up for checkout?
a) Mad props start hailin’ when the Scotch Tape’s flailin’
b) “Yes, like the balloon says, this is the end of the line.”
Picking strawberries is starting to look pretty good right now…
– bob
Friends,
I’ve been away from writing something substantial for a while, but this is just too good. First, are the delightful Thanksgiving bits. The folks, the sisters, the cutest nephew ever 
(Oh, I still win. Don’t even think about it.) and our significant others were in attendance. The house performed nearly flawlessly. The heater worked when it felt like it and the wood stove had a little smoky flue problem, but that was it! My Dad considers anything below eighty degrees to be the harbinger of the next ice age, so he was uncomfortable. I also thought that the family left too soon (Feh. Jobs. Whatever.)
Delicious food and good fun was had by all though. 
I had way too much fun with my nephew just screwing around. He had plenty of play time with everyone, but there was some very important knuckleheadedness to be done. Like this:
But back to the tradition. Last year, my next door neighbors thought it’d be real fun to burn their house down. The fine folks at the Idyllwild Fire Department had other ideas though, only allowing a minor conflagration.
This year, my neighbors across the street decided to pick up the baton with a nice chimney fire. 
And once again, the Idyllwild Fire Department had something to say about that too.
Sure, that’s fun, but what about the Tree Lighting Ceremony? Glad you asked. Here’s a tree.
More later…
– bob
Would you rather…
disclose the number of Aunt Ina’s chin whiskers you removed from the gravy,
or
discover the secret ingredient in her stuffing recipe?
a) No thanks, I couldn’t eat another bite.
b) What a refreshing spearmint flavor…
…but pass on the corn muffins. Trust me.
– bob
Pals,
I’ve finally managed to set the sink, run GE’s finest clear sealant around the edge, install a new faucet, and turn on the water. Short of having a fit, or discussing design philosophy, or ruminating on ergonomic or economic decisions, I’ll just put up a couple pictures. Here’s the final product,
…and in case you’ve forgotten, here’s what I started with.
Maybe it was a mistake to mess with perfection, eh?
– bob
Would you rather…
produce the local news story on The Big Storm,
or
long lines at the airport/holiday travel,
or
a kitten rescued from a tree
or
Black Friday crowds at the mall?
a) Thanksgiving Storm 2006!
b) How long have you been waiting?
c) Do it for Fluffy!
d) People are lined up around this bench for the new Atari…
Back to you in the studio,
– bob
Would you rather…
conduct a nationwide search for the next tough guy movie star,
or
clone your own?
a) Crowe? Nah. Meloni? Maybe…
b) Here in the labs, we’re working on the bastard son of Lee Marvin…
Give me one good reason.
– bob
Friends,
This took much longer than I thought. Yeah, I put way too much water in the grout so I had to go to the local hardware store to get more (from a different brand in a different color). That’s not really what took so long, it just took a really long time.
Drying times, undercutting the underdone and way too sloppy grout with overly damp sponge. All the dumb mistakes of an amateur are here for your perusal. Behold!
The tiles are laid,
the sloppy grout was a mess,
but it turned out just swell. Don’t you think?
What a lovely day.
– bob
Would you rather…
convert your gas appliances to run on cheap and plentiful methane,
or
be the spokesman for the electric company?
a) All you need is a pasture!
b) Do you want your turkey to smell like Uncle Phil?
Whoever smelt it…
– bob
Would you rather…
have ethical problems,
or
moral problems?
a) The reform bill is crap!
b) If he was elected we wouldn’t have had all these problems!
At least he’s not asking for free postage.
– bob