Patriots,
My candidate is making a joke that quacks like a gaffe. Take a listen now and guess who he’s talking about…
This is gonna blow up, isn’t it?
– bob
Because America Is An Idea
Pals,
McCain’s right, you know. America is an idea that’s been articulated many times and by smoother orators than he. Was his speech a homerun? How about a ground rule double.
He inspired the partisans at the convention, but big whoop. It’d be easy to whip up a jolly green giant convention by speaking passionately about frozen peas, so that isn’t the best indication of success.
Sarah Palin apparently drew a touch over a million viewers fewer than Obama got for his speech last week. I’m watching MSNBC right now and the conventioneers appear to be pelting Andrea Mitchell with balloons on purpose. For that alone, you have to applaud the GOPers. Ms. Mitchell seems to have spent the last few weeks beclowning herself with bizarre partisan screeds, and this is the most effective passive-aggresive attack on the mainstream media I’ve seen lately. Hilarious.
So, who do you like now? I’m sticking with Senator Obama, but I’d like to hear from you. The comment board is open, so have at it…
– bob
Happy Edsel Day!
Dear Citrus Lovers,
Today marks the anniversary of the launch of the Edsel brand in 1957.
It’s also the day that the Republican nominee for president gives his acceptance speech at the convention.
Just sayin’.
– bob
UPDATE: By the way, I found Sarah Palin’s speech last night stunning. I caught some of the non-factual facts that were sprinkled throughout, but if you’re her “opponent” in this race, I think you might have some reason to worry.
The gloves are most certainly off now, aren’t they?
Jaunty Election Blorg: Batting .250!
Friends,
News comes this morning that John McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. NPR is calling it a “surprising choice,” but they hadn’t visited this space in August of last year. If they had, they could’ve reveled in my rationale for the Giuliani/Palin ticket facing off against Clinton/Obama.
See? I’m some kind of electoral genius!
– bob
Meet The Obamas: You’ve Got To Be Kidding
Friends,
Hmmm, this Star Trek geek theory just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Just look where Senator Obama is scheduled to deliver his acceptance speech…
A little detail..
Yeah, that’s right. It’s a Greek temple. Grand, for sure, but perhaps out of place on a football field in Denver. Where might this seemingly random idea have come from?
Michelle, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do…
– bob
Meet The Obamas: Mighty Presumptuous
Friends,
I’m glad I tuned into the Democratic National Convention this evening. After all, it’s not every day you can see drunk conventioneers wearing silly hats getting all misty-eyed over mental health reform (I feel bad for the woman they zoomed in on when that was mentioned though. It did kind of seem like the cameraman was outing her.).
Once I started really paying attention to Mrs. Obama’s speech, I noticed something curious…
Yeah, that’s right. She’s a Star Trek geek. Look at the outfit…
And what’s this? She’s already promoted herself to Admiral? My word! I’m shocked! Shocked!
Does this mean that they’re going to move the capitol to San Francisco? The Mars Colony?
– bob
Jaunty Dumptruck O’ News! Ted Stevens Indicted!
Friends,
This just warms my heart…
(CBS/AP) Government sources tell CBS News Republican Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens has been indicted on seven charges related to a corruption probe.
A federal grand jury in Washington has handed up the indictment against Stevens — which the Justice Department is set to announce very shortly.
Stevens, 84, faces seven counts of false statements involving VECO, the oil services company in Alaska, and the renovations done on his home.
They should’ve indicted him for the fine work he did on the Commerce Committee, but we’ll take what we can get.
– bob
Tin Ear Alert: Gas Taxes Too Low!
Um, right.
It seems that Americans have been cutting back on fuel consumption, which is fantastic. We’ll cut back on unburned hydrocarbons entering the atmosphere, send less money to foreign powers that we don’t particularly agree with, what could go wrong? I’ll tell you, bub. Sure, you’re pretty smug about that electric car of yours, but what about the crumbling bridges!
That’s right. We’re paying fewer taxes into the highway transportation fund because we’re buying less fuel. Apparently, that’s bad. The solution bandied about by the usual suspects is that, clearly, the gas tax must rise to compensate for the shortfall. We’re using less gas because it’s too expensive, so the solution is to make it more expensive. The president, meanwhile, thinks we should just outsource the problem and sell the highways to private companies so that they can collect tolls. In an unconfirmed story by an unnamed official, the administration is also considering hiring trolls to live under bridges and ask drivers three questions before they may cross. If this fleecing continues, there may be a lot of takers for the new Federal Onsite Highway Overpass Metering Engineer jobs.
– bob
An Unpopular Question
Friends,
Speaking of punishing gas prices, particularly in California where the average price is generally fifty cents more per gallon than the rest of the country (except alaska and hawaii. – ed), remind me why we’re not doing more domestic drilling. There are rich untapped deposits of oil right off our coasts, oil shale just sitting there in the upper Midwest, and **gasp!** the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
Should we just get used to five and six dollars per gallon and hope for some neat magic battery technology for our new cars? Can you really tell me that public transportation is the answer? Remember that Riverside County canceled bus service to my little town in the ’80s due to lack of ridership. And that was the short bus.
Frankly, I’m inclined to slap that silly grin off of the pundits who think that high prices are good. They posit that we’re saving the planet by reducing our gasoline consumption, like it’s a merry choice happy citizens are freely making. We still live in a big country with vast spaces between where we are at the moment and where we need to be for the next appointment. And more often then not, the bus doesn’t go there.
– bob
Jaunty Special Election Update! – Gardening Department
Friends,
I was listening to the radio this morning after the Oregon and Kentucky primaries and heard Senator Mrs. Clinton say this:
“It’s not just Kentucky bluegrass that’s music to my ears, it’s the sound of your overwhelming vote of confidence, even in the face of some pretty tough odds,” Clinton told her supporters in Kentucky.
I may be mistaken, but isn’t Kentucky bluegrass, you know, grass?
– bob
Jaunty Little Vice Presidential Selection Committee
Dear Readers,
It’s a new kind of politics so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to start the V.P. selection process. Citizen journalism is fine, but we’re going much further. We’re selecting you, gentle reader, to be the next Vice President of the United States. We’re really excited to get you on the ticket and to get to work on preparations for the general election.
Let’s face it. You’re smart, savvy, and we’ve found in our polling that your positives are much higher than your negatives. Our media people are already working on a response for that stuff you did in high school, so that shouldn’t be a problem. They’re asking, though, that you stop wearing stripes. It’s just really not a good look for you.
Our advance team will be giving you a call in the morning for a brief interview. Just a formality, but we need to get that out of the way. And think, free room and board at the Naval Observatory!
Congratulations! We know you’ll do a great job!
Your pal,
– bob
Chairman, Jaunty Little Vice Presidential Selection Committee
This Week In Technology Gone Wrong
Friends,
Work. What can you say? The medical systems I’m responsible for have decided to pitch a fit, leaving our family health clinic in America’s Finest Decent Satisfactory Declining Doomed City without their electronic charts. Fine, they can break out the ballpoint pens and legal pads while I fix it. We’ve had a good run of uptime, so they’re not too upset.
I’m anxious to get in on the burgeoning Bismati rice futures trading market, considering our global food crisis. I don’t really know how to get started though. By the way, can we blame Al Gore for this too? The corn to ethanol thing we can totally pin on his biofuel ideas, but rice? We’ll see.
The very big problem is that the spambots have started using bob [at] bobtherieau [dot] com for their evil ends. If you’re sending email then, please use info [at] bobtherieau [dot] com instead. Thanks China! (Just asking, is this the next salvo in their information war with us? Fun thing to think about, no?)
So, um, good times! Whee!
Your pal,
– bob
What Do We Want? Righteous Indignation!
When do we want it?
Now!
Yeah, what he said.
– bob
Thanks LawDog (via my vivacious writing partner!)
UPDATE: Sin! Damnation! Real fire and brimstone stuff…
Via the sweet-smelling Stinko. Thanks!
Robots Revolt!
Oh no!
The robot uprising has begun…
In fact, 80 percent to 90 percent of global warming involves heating up ocean waters. They hold much more heat than the atmosphere can. So Willis has been studying the ocean with a fleet of robotic instruments called the Argo system. The buoys can dive 3,000 feet down and measure ocean temperature. Since the system was fully deployed in 2003, it has recorded no warming of the global oceans.
The oceans are cooling or, um, not warming? Wait a sec. How will Master Gorebot crush this dissent?
In recent years, heat has actually been flowing out of the ocean and into the air. This is a feature of the weather phenomenon known as El Nino. So it is indeed possible the air has warmed but the ocean has not. But it’s also possible that something more mysterious is going on.
Mysterious heat is escaping! Our greenhouse isn’t working. No more hothouse tomatoes, apparently. What could be happening?
One possibility is that the sea has, in fact, warmed and expanded — and scientists are somehow misinterpreting the data from the diving buoys.
Stupid scientists.
Trenberth and Willis agree that a few mild years have no effect on the long-term trend of global warming. But they say there are still things to learn about how our planet copes with the heat.
Of course. These strange readings that don’t fit our preconceptions so we’ll need more data to make the statistics work with our models.
Essentially, we’re doomed by the non-dooming. Wake up warm people!
Sigh,
– bob
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
Sure, Senator Obama’s Irish. Everybody knows that…
But what about Hillary? British. Sorry.
John McCain? Irish.
So we’re going to have an all-Irish general election? This is dangerous. They’ll be taking orders straight from Dublin!
– bob
EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re terribly, terribly sorry for this post. We’d especially like to apologize to people who are still voting for Ron Paul. -ed
UPDATE: A touching rendition of Danny Boy by the Swedish Chef, Animal, and Beaker. Did I mention that it’s touching?
Thanks BoingBoing!