Category: Uncategorized

One, Two, Three, Four, Tell The People Who’s Next Door…

Would you rather…
make a business case for including Attic Greek on Vatican ATMs in addition to Latin,
or
register your car in The Most Serene Republic of San Marino?

a) If we could just coax them down the stairs.
b) [AHHHH2]

Yesterday’s Winner: Another tie!

What’s the word for “receipt”?

– bob

I Was Much Younger Then…

Would you rather…
drop a spatula during your spacewalk,
or
masquerade as a former child actor to impress your coworkers?

a) Um, Houston, these pancakes may not turn out right, over.
b) I handed a towel to Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon

Friday’s Winner: You can have the house next to the 17th Street levee too.

Does the space station even have a tailgate?

– bob

On A Nice Day

Friends,

It seems like forever since I’ve been able to spend a weekend at The Lodge without some pressing project or a pile of people to entertain. I found that I couldn’t simply relax and take in the post-Labor Day peacefulness, so I had to work on some projects. I also got a fun call from my nephew regarding his birthday gift. He just opened it and was thrilled. A quick trip to Target last weekend meant a great nostalgia-encrusted score that I knew he’d like and that the devious product meisters at Mattel must’ve known I’d need to pick up. Apparently, there were actual squeals of delight, which means to me “mission accomplished”.

Yep, Sizzlers are back from Mattel. They’re the fastest electric cars in the world, don’t you know. We wanted them really bad back in the early 70s, but they were expensive and the perception was that because the sets required batteries, they would break quickly. That, or they’d break the bank with battery purchases. Besides, regular Hot Wheels were good enough, weren’t they?

Maybe, but in adjusted dollars, the new sets are about half price. Naturally I had to buy much more than the Giant “O” Race Set. Oh no. I had to get another car, with a charger separate from the Juice Machine gas pump charger, plus a huge cache of batteries. And the packaging is a nostalgia fest. They’ve resurrected the 70s designs on the boxes complete with smudged-out-to-imply-speed pastel drawings of race cars (drivers have open face helmets) and boys with bowl haircuts and monster cords setting up the track on the back.

Here’s the big question though. Will he let me play?

Your pal,

bob

Look! It’s Tom Cruise!

Would you rather…
retain the law firm of Ketcham, Holden & Needham, LLP to draft your prenuptial agreement,
or
Hanes and ALCOA to create a new line of hats for your conspiracy-themed boutique?

a) No, seriously, you can have the Bentley…
b) “…with the added benefit of signal interruption…”

Yesterday’s Winner: Found!

…but I get the AAA membership.

– bob

Buy A Car, Buy A Car, Buy A Car

Pity the poor fleet. They’ve racked up a lot of miles and may rightly deserve a break. If I trade in two to buy one, I could get a nice break and save a bundle on insurance. The economics of buying a new car still don’t make sense, but it’s gonna have to happen sooner rather than later (and a warranty would be nice). There are two contenders so far:

Dodge Nitro (not red)

The Nitro is a kissin’ cousin of the Jeep Liberty except it doesn’t appear nearly as girly or cartoony (yeah, you’ve seen the Chevron ads too, haven’t you?). I don’t need the bigger engine, the Liberty’s engine will do just fine. All wheel drive for the slushy bits, a six speed manual and a jack for the iPod in the stereo and I’ll be set.

2007 Jeep Wrangler (also not red)

Recalling the CJ-7 the new Wrangler has been redesigned to not tip over, I guess, and uses another engine—a 3.8L V6 from a minivan, I’ve read—but keeps the solid axles, tranny and transfer case from the outgoing model. And those three are very good things. More room, a trick three-piece thermoplastic top to keep out the snow flurries and it’s about the same price as the Nitro.

I’d rather stick with the Jeep thing (which you’re not supposed to understand, but I suspect you do), but in the end it’s a road-biased box that can go off-road vs. an off-road box that has become better on the road. Thoughts?

Your pal,

bob

And This Is A 1987 Gold Toe

Would you rather…
build a full-size Washington Monument in your gated community complete with stucco and a red tile roof,
or
open The Museum of Lost Socks?

a) Hey, look, if I’m not allowed to fly a flag, you’re not either…
b) Presented with a generous grant from the Maytag Corporation.

Yesterday’s Winner: You’re never going to believe this, but it was a tie. (that’s a load of bull! get me the city desk editor! – ed Calm down chief. Look, I got some pictures of Spiderman, if you’re interested…)

CC&Rs are CC&Rs,

– bob

Flame On!

Would you rather…
have a ball of yarn surgically implanted into the palm of your hand,
or
a candle wick?

a) And the World Cat’s Cradle Champion is…
b) Doctor, I’ve got a little moth problem…

Yesterday’s Winner: We’re clearing out last week’s sandwiches to make room for the new models!

Tightly wound,

– bob

Bubblin’ Pot O’ Posts

Friends,

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve slacked off on posting a real-live entry (or fourteen). Not for lack of things to say, but rather for lack of creativity in saying them. Clearly that block is hampering me this second as I try to think of a clever way to wrap up this preface. There were actually events worth noting during the last fortnight, but as they say, “the damn posts ain’t gonna write themselves.” No, I don’t suppose they will.

Comment From Anonymous Reader That Had To Be Edited

Woof. There’s a little vitriol here, but I get it. The anonymizer function of the comments let the commenter off the hook, but still, I get it and that’s what this here post is about. Here’s the comment:

I have to speak up here.
Dude, what are you doing?
I understand that maybe the quiz of the day lets you keep up the homefires w/ your jaunty little writing partner, but frankly, I liked the blog when you used to write about real stuff. Like when you were married [redacted – ed], frinstance. I believe the lack of comments shows that I’m not alone. Maybe you could make fun of the fabulous furry freak show at your place of residence again. Steve Irwin died: that’s funny, right? I laughed till I shat myself at your hilarious tirade on the governator—will I never shit meself again?
Thank you.

See your doctor.

Now back to our regular-ish program…

Out Of Luck

A couple of weeks ago I prophesized:

There is also a catch basin off the driveway into the back room. Why they thought that design was a good idea is anybody’s guess (so fire away in the comments, I can’t make sense of it). We built up the threshold to keep at least six inches of water at bay. If any more than that comes, I’m out of luck.

You’ll never guess what happened last Wednesday. No, c’mon. Guess.

The mud and crud line was two inches up the door and I’ll be damned if the previous owners’ design to channel runoff right into my back door continued to work like a champ. Despite my efforts. There’s silt throughout the back rooms, including a new spot—the laundry room. How exciting!

In response, I’ve done what anyone in my position would do. I dug a moat.

The Charitable Organization’s Far Eastern Outpost

Disinterested. And I suppose it shows too. The staff down there is phoning it in and I’m following their lead (no, really!). I even sang a few bars of “C Is For Cookie” during our weekly phone conference with our software vendor. Why? Because the tech support guy was enjoying a cookie more than our little six-way chat about why our systems weren’t working.

Between a job that nobody cares about and a commute that will surely get me killed, I’m ready for something else. Super really quite ready.

And A Dog…

Despite all of this, or because of it, I’m thinking of adopting a new dog from the local rescue. This will likely make two very dopey hounds very upset, but I miss having critters around and could use somebody to clean the leftovers off the floor every once in a while. That, and I need someone to take me out for walks.

That’s it for now. Hopefully, more tomorrow.

Your pal (I guess, see above),

– bob

C’mon Down For Jauntython!

Would you rather,
offer zero percent financing,
or
factory incentives?

a) Okay, I signed the last page. Now can I use the bathroom?
b) And here’s Ted from the paint shop. He makes a mean cheesesteak!

Last Week’s Winner: A tie? (that’s just too precious to believe. – ed I know!)

Terms and conditions may apply.

– bob

11 September 2001

We will never forget.

– bob

That Smells Nice

Would you rather…
hide all of the Papaya/Mango Sea Salt Moisturizing Scrub in The Big Sister House,
or
find the toy surprise in a box of Pottery Barn Sage n’ Patchouli-Os?

a) I hate you! I hate you too!
b) Oooh. A 1992 Kokopelli Trading Card!

Yesterday’s Winner: You’re three for three big fella!

This won’t be pretty.

– bob

Unforgettable

Would you rather…
be inflatable,
or
unmistakable?

a) Turn on the compressor at breakfast, lunch, then have a sensible dinner.
b) Hey! You!

Yesterday’s Winner: You picked it again. You’re two for two!

That’s what you are…

– bob

It’s A Shame To See That So Early In The Season

Would you rather…
temporarily replace brothels in New Orleans with FEMA Buicks,
or
rewrite law enforcement policies and procedures to deal specifically with NFL linebackers?

a) Down there on Beale Street, the women gots their left blinkers on!
b) “I said stop! Who do you think you are, OJ?”

Yesterday’s Winner: The one that you picked was the one that won. Congratulations!

Are those real?

– bob

Note The Intense Concentration

Would you rather…
produce a Steve Irwin retrospective for airing on the Today Show,
or
be the unfortunate discoverer of bowling ball-sized hail?

a) Matt, Matt, you’re being glib…
b) They’re rolling 170 right now, but that was enough to wipe out the greenhouse…

Friday’s Winner: “TSA treated all six of us like cattle…”

This is really dangerous!

– bob

Protein!

I had to go see what Mr. Iowahawk had for Friday and he didn’t disappoint. The Monks were represented in his musical selection this week so I had to skim through whatever else YouTube had to offer. No teevee up here you know. Now you’re blessed with this:

You’re welcome.

– bob