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Would you rather…
publish a community newspaper during your breaks at Hemet Video,
or
apologize to the nation for the poor quality of your web video?
a) My ol’ Pappy once said, “Publishing a magazine is a lot like eating a bicycle…”
b) I can’t vote for anyone that pixelated.
Where do you start?
– bob
Pals,
My vivacious writing partner and I craft a question for your edification nearly every day (I’ve missed a couple lately due to work shenanigans, see the next post for a Genius! moment). She sends our product out to her custom mailing list and expects response. I post the thing here and am less expectant of an answer. It’d be neat if you did (I’m looking at you, cloaked New Zealander) in the comments, but what can you do. We used to think that the Intertubes would be participatory. A two-way conversation across the broad divide. Turns out it’s more like the tube. You look, you change the channel.
This is a minor gripe of mine, but at least one person has gone to great lengths to participate. In fact, this may be the most extraordinary response to any single post here. You remember the question from a couple days ago:
Would you rather…
move your morning radio show more upscale,
or
more lowbrow?a) The Ante Meridiem Managerie with Mister Corpulent and His Associates
b) The Poop Show.
And this response during an anti-war rally that astoundingly occurred before this question was even posted.
We write, you decide.
In the future!
– bob
Would you rather…
be blamed for everything and responsible for none of it,
or
be the block captain for your neighborhood Hillary In ’08 club?
a) The Coriolis Effect
b) Take that Vilsack!
Did you know that the Internet swirls anti-clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere? Go ahead, Google it.
– bob
Would you rather…
move your morning radio show more upscale,
or
more lowbrow?
a) The Ante Meridiem Managerie with Mister Corpulent and His Associates
b) The Poop Show.
Caller ten, right now, scores two tickets to La Boheme!
– bob
Would you rather…
require passports to enter the supermarket,
or
work an eight hour shift handling your dog-sniffing dogs at the airport?
a) Aisle 2 is secure!
b) Oversight!
I think we can all rest a little easier.
– bob
Would you rather…
irritate the nice OnStar lady,
or
be the next casualty in The Great Yummy Smells War?
a) [We call this “limp home” mode, chump.]
b) A fella brings a Cinnabun, you bring a Works Pizza.
Look, there are just some places you don’t ask directions to.
– bob
NOTE: No Question tomorrow or Monday due to the terrible human scourge called “meetings.” I understand that they’re designed to allow people to interact and exchange ideas in an honest, open manner. I also understand that I’ll never be able to get those hours back.
Would you rather…
audition for American Idol in character as the Cowardly Lion
or
Mr. T?
a) If I, was the king, of the dance-flooooor!
b) I’m goin’ to Hollywood, fool. But I ain’t flyin’.
We had to get this out of our systems.
– bob
Would you rather…
grow fleece-lined oranges,
or
cover your prize Bird of Paradise blooms in tiny down comforters?
a) Comfortable, relaxed fit. Available in sizes from kumquat to grapefruit.
b) We use only high-lofting 600-fill white goose down for maximum warmth.
We’re calling it the Fuzzy Navel.
– bob
Would you rather…
that your town is a little more dismal today,
or
in a rush of team spirit you vote to approve an expensive new stadium?
a) The cold, grimy streets seem a little more bleak…
b) One raw egg, chili powder, orange juice, then you drink it all at once.
At least snow would enhance what little brightness there is to be had.
– bob
Would you rather…
issue a takedown notice to the website posting unauthorized pictures of your cat,
or
wear grocery bags over your expensive loafers to protect them from a light rain?
a) Mental anguish, loss of future income… Anything else Mr. Pookums?
b) Because I always want to look my best!
He just wants to spend some time away from the spotlight…
– bob
Would you rather…
play the lead in The Yvonne De Carlo Story,
or
referee the “View/Apprentice” smackdown?
a) We’re looking for a vampire-religious figure type…
b) That’s no fair, he’s wearing his coach on his head.
The studio passed on The Life And Times Of Agnes Moorehead.
– bob
Would you rather…
begin a Thuper ThighMaster Sales Marathon until you can afford to rebuild your Malibu home,
or
have your iPhone banned from Kentucky Fried Chicken for all the wrong numbers you’ve dialed?
a) At least I don’t have a bottom as big as Iraq!
b) (911) 911-9119
The celebrities are sad, won’t you please help?
– bob
Would you rather…
that your pancreas is impounded because you couldn’t show proof of health insurance,
or
get approval for your surgery at the DMV?
a) Sir, do you know how much insulin you were producing?
b) It says here you’re due for an emissions check.
Keep this card in your wallet. Keep this card in your…
– bob
Would you rather…
seek answers to problems that haven’t arisen yet,
or
seek those answers from people unqualified to be of any assistance?
a) Would the space aliens prefer red or white?
b) How many webmasters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
“When I get around to installing the software, what problems will I have?”
It’s gonna be a long day.
– bob
Would you rather…
miss your gubernatorial inauguration because of doctor’s orders,
or
cry like a baby at your resignation press conference?
a) It’s a shame he had to break his human leg…
b) Could somebody hand me a Terrible Towel?
You could say he’s a hybrid.
– bob