Tag: question

Would you rather…
treat everything you see as a giant Rorschach test,
or
design all the floats in the Long Beach Tournament Of Fish Parade?

a) Jackson Pollock on line two
b) …the rose petals are made of tilapia, fluke, and flounder…

It looks like an elephant, wearing a hat.

– bob

Would you rather…
be buried at Arlington National Cemetery,
or
interred in the Apollo Theatre?

a) Things are more like today than they have ever been before.
b) I don’t feel so good. Super bad, actually.

“It can go on and on, or someone must write “The End” to it. I have concluded that only I can do that. And if I can, I must.” – Gerald R. Ford

Your pal,

bob

Would you rather…
mash global Christmas traditions into one,
or
revise the toy distribution system for optimum efficiency?

a) Right, eight tiny reindeer on a surfboard then we take a sauna…
b) So the elves hand off to Black Peter, then to Santa, then to Jesus? What?

Merrie Christmas everyone! The Question will return on Wednesday.

Your pal,

bob

Would you rather…
as the new President for Life of Turkmenistan, change the word for dirt,
or
order the late president’s image scribbled out on all currency with Periwinkle Blue crayon?

a) No bulldozers on Thursday, you’ll bruise the Grains of Steve.
b) Stay within the lines.

You’re not well.

– bob

Would you rather…
that all of the dull moments in your life were pumped up with a grind-core soundtrack,
or
your snowboard team is sponsored by Centrum Silver?

a) Damn! That’s some kickin’ macaroni!
b) Well, at our age…

I usually don’t have this much trouble with the crossword.

– bob

Would you rather…
sue the Swiss Army Corps Of Engineers for subsidence in your gingerbread house,
or
be the juggling act in the “Christmas With Xenu Holiday Spectacular”?

a) With more Global Moistening, we’re going to see a lot of this.
b) “Do we go on before or after the duet with Bowie?”

Senator, we warned the local officials about too much icing.

– bob

Would you rather…
place a personal ad with the Business Cycle Dating Committee,
or
bring your pressure washer to create snow for the French Valley Festival of Kids Who Don’t Know No Better?

a) SWF Actuary enjoys long nights curled up with GL…
b) Yeah it’s pink, Jack Frost has been detailing cars, okay?

I felt like such a commodity in the Open Market Committee.

– bob

Would you rather…
drop out of your elite prep school,
or
stop formulating baseless conspiracy theories about a senator?

a) Couldn’t handle the homework for my chattering classes.
b) Where’s your tinfoil hat now?

“I simply must do something else famous.”

– bob

Would you rather…
lead your neighborhood in what will be known as “The Candy Caine Lane Mutiny,”
or
form “The League of Extraordinary Santas“?

a) Mister, there are four ways to do things on my street…
b) Viejo Pascuero, meet Joulupukki…

I don’t want to upset you too much, but at the moment you have an excellent chance of being hanged.

– bob

Would you rather…
have your town removed from the official state map because it “no longer fits,”
or
stop using bio-diesel because the exhaust smell gives you the munchies?

a) Hated Rand, loved McNally though…
b) I’m going to miss those continuously variable trans fats…

The Lieutenant Governor couldn’t read anything under 24 points.

– bob

Would you rather…
claim that you were tricked into being an idiot on film,
or
sell your copies of Princess Diana’s final phone calls on eBay?

a) “And the Oscar for best supporting dupe in a fake documentary goes to…”
b) Five Stars! – Billy C. is a great seller, prompt delivery

Cameras? There were cameras?

– bob

Would you rather…
assume that the next thing anybody says will be the worst thing possible,
or
the best?

a) I knew it wasn’t just a rash…
b) draft[you]dictatorforlife.org

It’s the transmission AND the computer, isn’t it?

– bob

Would you rather…
develop a non-lethal weapon that makes people feel their faces are on fire,
or
carry on with the Silly String?

a) It’s the “Goodbye Effect!”
b) What a mess, there’s trip wires everywhere…

Man, that’s some prompt and highly motivated escape behavior, if you ask me.

– bob

Would you rather…
uncover the Jupiter Hoax,
or
have a weather phenomenon named after you?

a) Yep, just a pie tin and a hula hoop.
b) It’s a cold, clammy wind that smells a bit like cheese.

He had an axe to grind ever since that nasty Pluto business…

– bob

Would you rather…
issue your report from the Santee Study Group,
or
rename your car company so the locals can pronounce it?

a) It ain’t real good, and gettin’ more worser.
b) “Roewe”

We asked Jerry Jeff Baker Jr. to write it cuz’ his spellin’s real fine.

– bob