Category: Uncategorized

PC Won’t Boot? Try Plugging It In!

Friends,

You may recall that I offer tech support at the Far Eastern Outpost of San Diego’s Omnipresent Charitable Organization (alright! enough! you’ve got to think of a shorter version of that protecting-the-innocent name! i’ve had it! – ed How about “The Outpost?” or grimytown? or stinkyville? That’s not very nice. Besides, the odor from the Salton Sea doesn’t waft over the place all that often. I’m sticking with The Outpost. – bob). The only real development there, besides plugging in a computer that “won’t boot” was that I changed my title. I.T. Tech was redundant, I thought. The phone list had been revised and I needed something catchier. In a flash of pomposity, I amended my listing with something positively Victorian. Information Technologist. Naturally, I have to remind anybody and everybody about the change, especially those who might hope I’ll listen to their urgent voicemail left at my published extension, which I do—once a week.

Houseblogging starts in a couple weeks. I’ll spend some vacation time winterizing The Lodge, so that’ll be the focus here the week of August 14th. Catch the itchy fiberglass fever!

I’m changing the back door from a security grate with plexiglas screwed on (and screwed up! – ed Amusing yourself, are you? – Bob) to a proper door. I just can’t decide what would be the best design. While I’m leaning toward a metal French door, I’m open to suggestions. Keep it cabiny though, and remember that it’s going to get wet with snow during the winter.

By the way, I hate to rub it in for our dear friends East of here, but it’s been positively chilly up here in the mountains lately. My suggestion? Get the hell out of there and come up here! We’ll have barbeque and beers and you can crank those thermostats up to 100 while you’re gone. I’ll even make another batch of ice cream in the flavor of your choosing (although my rum/raisin recipe has proven popular, particularly for the rum). Just let me know when you’ll be by.

That’s it for now. The picture in the middle of this is from this morning. Just had to pull over for that shot.

Your pal,

bob

Order! I Demand Order!

Would you rather…
take over for Fidel Castro,
or
retiring British Prime Minister Tony Blair?

a) How’s my beard? Is it on straight?
b) As my right honourable friend from North Santee surely realises…

Yesterday’s Winner: “Gotta watch out for the Siberian dwarf hamsters though, little bastards are vicious…”

I wish my brother Raul was here.

– bob

If You’re Lookin’ For A Better Set Of Wheels

Would you rather…
judge the Hamster Beauty Pageant,
or
stand upon your head ‘till your ears start turning red?

a) “Here she is, Miss Rodentius…”
b) Go see Cal!

Yesterday’s Winner: “I like the easy-clean that comes with tile! I spill too much Diet Coke…”

Furry!

– bob

Put A Tiger In Your Tank

Would you rather…
resurface your Bronco II with 12-inch vinyl floor tiles,
or
furnish your living room with vintage Sambo’s restaurant booths?

a) It was easier than the Volare, that’s for sure.
b) What do you think that is? A piece of chicken?

Thursday, Redux: Tie!
Friday’s Winner: Pain is it’s own reward..

The big Mexican pavers might have been nice though.

– bob

You Have The Right To Remain Silent

Would you rather…
be Kid Knievel’s stunt double,
or
have your every decision adjudicated by an international tribunal?

a) Missed. Again!
b) We the Court find, in the matter of you dating that girl…

Yesterday’s Winner (no big surprise here): I’m down to a bundt cake a day.

It’s a liability thing.

– bob

Back From Seattle, Not Lacking For New Content

Would you rather…
invent nicotine-laced cake frosting for quitters,
or
get all of your fashion advice from No-Pants Ben?

a) Chunky Monkey!
b) Drag!

Friday’s Winner: The Miracle Drug

I picked a hell of a time to stop…

– bob

A Jaunty Health Update!

Would you rather…
be a stem cell,
or
a miracle drug?

a) Today: toenail
b) Part of a one-drug cocktail!

Yesterday’s Winner: “I’m not so sure we should trust the toaster.”

Debating the ethics on the floor,

– bob

A Proper Post

Friends,

I don’t think I’ve put anything down beside The Question for weeks now. That not so fine situation has been gnawing for a while, so here’s a couple things that certainly need expansion. Time’s been a problem lately though and it doesn’t look like I’ll have any more of it for a while. Thanks for checking in though (hey there, France, glad you could make it!). August should be a little more relaxed.

In no order whatsoever:

• Last Friday, the single day I felt comfortable leaving work early to get stuff done around the house, was the first time the highway was closed since I’ve lived here. You’ve read the Times’ (not that one, the other one) article about Idyllwild by now. The one about how my little town is an inferno waiting to happen? The article fails to not mention the key element of our doom—there’s only two ways in or out of this joint. I take one of them.

  From what I’ve read, the fella in the Taurus wagon became bored with his lane so he drove up the hill in the only other one. That’s fine, I guess, except the traffic coming down the hill needed somewhere to drive as well. In this country (much like France) we tend to drive on the right hand side of the road unless there’s an oncoming car. The first SUV in the line (hello Italy!) opted to swerve and drive off the side into a gully. He was unharmed. The woman in the number two SUV wasn’t so lucky and hit Mr. Taurus head on. A witness in number three SUV related to the paper of record that “debris was flying all over the place…” Engine compartments from the Taurus and the Infiniti were gone. Victims earned a helicopter ride to the hospital and I, along with fifty or sixty of my closest friends sat waiting for the cleanup.

  An hour or so later, we were on our way. Much slower than normal though, chastened by the sight of the scene.

• Here’s a fun fact. Did you know that there has been a little rain storm up here every afternoon this week? Me neither! Except for the puddles. And the dampness.
• I visited my sister’s new place in Pasadena last weekend and it’s not the dump everyone has made it out to be! Sure, it’s not a four million dollar palatial estate like the other shacks on her street, but the place is mighty fine. Besides, those other places are likely inhabited by bitter old misers, in their death throes, heirs hovering. Where else but my sister’s place could you find the warm good cheer of my sister and her adoring husband. Nowhere, I tell you!
• That same trip brought a visit to the Petersen Automotive Museum. You don’t have to be a gearhead to get it. You don’t even have to like cars (even though it helps). Just go. You’ll have a good time, learn something, and see something unexpected. I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just post pictures.
• Oh yeah, legal matters. That was Tuesday and what fun it was. Me and the missus hired a paralegal in America’s Finest Just Okay City to take care of dissolution proceedings. There were plenty of happy noises emanating from the other side of the desk, so we signed things and wrote her a check. Months later, we received a summons from the Family Court to appear. Wasn’t this taken care of with the filings? Time for a call to our hired legal professional.

  The voicemail message promised a return call, but nothing. We called for weeks, still nothing. What to do? Appear at the courthouse, that’s what. The short version of this dumb story is that the free legal aid people there found they had nothing from our hired slacker bastard and had to reproduce all of the paperwork. All of it.

  No, I’m not bitter, why do you ask?

Almost forgot. You know how we’ve been posting The Question every day for the last couple weeks? We’d really like to hear from you about it. The comments here are moderated (I get an email and pass everything through unless it’s spam, vulgar, or indulges in personal attack) but don’t let that stop you! Make a selection. Suggest a new question. Have at it!

Your pal,

bob

My Candidacy Is A Series Of Tubes

Would you rather…
your coffee maker conspire with your computer to send subtle messages,
or
kick off your election campaign on myspace.com?

a) 4:04 – Day not Found
b) Vote for me because I roll like that.

Application “French Roast” has experienced an error…

– bob

The Boots Were Made For Frying

Would you rather…
postpone ocular realignment surgery until after the grand opening of the Viewmaster™ retrospective,
or
cook all of your meals on chunks of sidewalk removed from Glendale, Arizona?

a) Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the World of 3D!
b) I call ’em ‘Pedestrian Pancakes’!

Monday Afternoon’s Winner: And they got big teeth, too.

Click!

– bob

Tomorrow’s Question Today!

Would you rather…
ghost write Al Gore’s “My Life as a Movie Star”
or
put the wildfire out today to face the flash flood tomorrow?

a) “It’s the weather, stupid!”
b) My name is mud.

Earlier today’s winner: Oh! They’re easy to spot. Sort of a reddish-blue/black with a greenish tint.

It’s like looking into the future, isn’t it?

– bob

Here Snipey, Snipey!

Would you rather…
inspect extremist groups for large caches of Mountain Dew,
or
coordinate the world’s largest snipe hunt?

a) Righteous!
b) [ ]

Friday’s Winner: “Just a sec…”

Dude, like the Iranians are totally on line two.

– bob

Outlook Not So Good

Would you rather…
your clock radio complete your thoughts every nine minutes,
or
depend on the Magic 8 Ball as the ultimate decision-making tool?

a) “I don’t know how we’ll get through without…” “…bulldozers and heavy equipment.”
b) “Paper or plastic?” “Ask again later.”

Yesterday’s Winner: “Swimming’s great, but the butterfly stroke is a challenge…”

And that’s the rest of the story.

– bob

Lean Into It

Would you rather…
have webbed legs,
or
ankles with a kickstand?

a) Hey! No pants!
b) I could stand here all day!

Yesterday’s Winner: Throw down on three, not two!

Esther Williams, eat your heart out.

– bob

It Wasn’t A Rock

Would you rather…
relocate the buildings from Pioneertown to your yard to save them from fire,
or
reduce U.N. debating rules down to just “rock, paper, scissors?”

a) Duncan Renaldo slept here.
b) “Scissors in Syria are very flat!”

Yesterday’s Winner: Strangely enough, the mechanic knew EXACTLY what was wrong…

Partially contained,

bob