Would you rather…
start celebrating the anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition early,
or
the expiration of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?
a) It’s the 5th, get it? hic.
b) What?
So everybody hoist your glasses to Utah!
– bob
You’ll See This On The Roofers’ Forums
Would you rather…
your ‘net-connected refrigerator be programmed by the FDA, AMA, and PETA,
or
an accelerometer is added to your phone?
a) New Message From – fridge@home.com “tsk, tsk, tsk”
b) New Message From – grandma@home.com “I’ve fallen…
You’ve got some explaining to do.
– bob
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik
Would you rather…
base your brand marketing on typos,
or
smuggle missile launch codes in the firmware of a Yamaha HTR-5930SL 550W XM-ready home theatre receiver with Dolby Pro Logic, seven DSP sound fields, and Night Listening Mode?
a) Try our new Egg, SPAM, and Poi pizza rolls! New, from Questinos!
b) I swear, I was just programming the radio!
We’re gonna stop picking on the 50th state any day now.
– bob
Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Would you rather…
hire twenty Minnesotans to exhale deadly carbon dioxide into your greenhouse,
or
be the road manager for “The Alaskan Don Ho”?
a) Screw Miracle-Gro.
b) In this core sample, you can see tiny bubbles…
Shut yer’ particulate trap!
– bob
Special Holiday Shopping Edition!
Would you rather…
be known as “The Original Wrapper” at booth 138 downstairs at the mall,
or
hold the balloon that tells shoppers where to line up for checkout?
a) Mad props start hailin’ when the Scotch Tape’s flailin’
b) “Yes, like the balloon says, this is the end of the line.”
Picking strawberries is starting to look pretty good right now…
– bob
A Time To Give Thanks
Would you rather…
disclose the number of Aunt Ina’s chin whiskers you removed from the gravy,
or
discover the secret ingredient in her stuffing recipe?
a) No thanks, I couldn’t eat another bite.
b) What a refreshing spearmint flavor…
…but pass on the corn muffins. Trust me.
– bob
Tonight’s Top Story
Would you rather…
produce the local news story on The Big Storm,
or
long lines at the airport/holiday travel,
or
a kitten rescued from a tree
or
Black Friday crowds at the mall?
a) Thanksgiving Storm 2006!
b) How long have you been waiting?
c) Do it for Fluffy!
d) People are lined up around this bench for the new Atari…
Back to you in the studio,
– bob
When Did You Stop Beating Your Wife?
Would you rather…
conduct a nationwide search for the next tough guy movie star,
or
clone your own?
a) Crowe? Nah. Meloni? Maybe…
b) Here in the labs, we’re working on the bastard son of Lee Marvin…
Give me one good reason.
– bob
No Leak Detection Additives Required
Would you rather…
convert your gas appliances to run on cheap and plentiful methane,
or
be the spokesman for the electric company?
a) All you need is a pasture!
b) Do you want your turkey to smell like Uncle Phil?
Whoever smelt it…
– bob
The Ghost Of Strom Thurmond
Would you rather…
have ethical problems,
or
moral problems?
a) The reform bill is crap!
b) If he was elected we wouldn’t have had all these problems!
At least he’s not asking for free postage.
– bob
We’re Just Gonna Take Stock And Put Our Lives Back Together
Would you rather…
recover from the aftermath of a 16-inch tsunami,
or
seek federal relief after a plague of dust bunnies tear through town?
a) All of my flip flops are gone! Gone!
b) I got the FEMA contract to deliver these Swiffers…
We’re gonna rebuild.
– bob
Someday Son, This Cimarron Will Be Yours
Would you rather…
trade your new car back to the dealer for your old car,
or
modify your new car to drive like your old car?
a) Betsy!
b) We needed ten ounces on the wheel to make it shimmy like that.
Would you look at this radio? AM, FM, XM, HD, RDS, WTF…
– bob
Let’s Get Ready To Be Really Nice!
Would you rather…
give your donations to the winner of Charity Cage Match,
or
hire the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Champion to decide?
a) I’m lookin’ at you Red Cross!
b) Jerry Lewis always throws scissors first…
Punches for Pints? That’s not right.
– bob
I Hear It’s Going To Replace Pigeons
Would you rather…
paint all of your pain killers Metal Flake Deep Azure,
or
sell all of your newspaper stocks to get into this Inter-Tubes ‘net thing?
a) That is one sharp analgesic!
b) It’s the wave of the future, you know.
You think your stomach is upset now?
– bob
I Hadn’t Considered That
Would you rather…
form a group solely to debate the implications of Harry Potter’s haircut in the upcoming film,
or
that your obituary describes you as a “noted American thinker”?
a) But Harry’s hair doesn’t NEED cutting!
b) What will we do now? She’s dead!
Hmmm, good point.
– bob